The Mysterious Mrs. B. Roth.

To Answer Your Questions

2011-09-21T13:25:00.002-06:00

I have to say, I'm not an expert or a medical doctor or anything beyond a curious woman who has read a few books, watch some documentaries, and read a lot of diverse internet stuff as I search for Truth. I know that, based on my family's medical history, it's gonna be heart disease, cancer, diabetes or all three for me. (Based on my personal history, it's gonna be some crazy random stupid accident that makes people feel guilty as they laugh during my eulogy.)

The body is an amazing, self-repairing machine that always seems to be capable of more than I thought imaginable. The body needs fuel, right? A blend of protein for muscles, calcium for bones and teeth, fat for energy and an array of vitamins and minerals. Honestly, that's all you need.

Yet if you go to the grocery store, you are overwhelmed by the amount of carbohydrate based foods. Surely, you think, if they devote 80 feet to bread alone, I probably need it. And another 80 feet to chips and pretzels? And other for cookies and crackers. And pasta. And cakes. AND CEREAL!

But you look at the eggs section ... I'm pretty much convinced EGGS are the best food in the universe. And yet, they are stuck in the back corner with maybe 10 feet of cooler space. Chickens make 'em for free; you can buy 12 for less that $2.

I need to answer a few questions from yesterday's blog:

1. Wow, I have never heard that stat about wheat raising your blood sugar level more than a candy bar?!

(It's a statement, but there was a question mark, so ...)

To be fair, we all respond to sugar uniquely. Some may tolerate it well and their bodies use the energy and go smoothly on. Others, their blood sugar spikes, insulin is released, the blood sugar drops sharply as the sugar is removed and converted in to fat to be stored in resistant-to-be-used fat cells.

Nevertheless, bread has a very high glycemic index. If you are sensitive to sugar, bread is very bad. Bread is like candy in healthy-food-clothing.

2. So, practically speaking as I struggle with my diet....you eat the stir fry with beans rather than over rice or in a tortilla or something, right?

I stir fry my meat and veggies with some beans tossed in, but the stir fry IS the meal. It all goes in a bowl with cheese (or sour cream if you like). There is no WITH. No carbs added. Tortillas are identical to bread, but no yeast, all converting to sugar. Rice is not quite as bad as bread, but still, it all just converts to useless sugar in the blood. If you are eating enough fat and protein, you have all the energy you need from the fat (much denser source of energy). Plus, without the constant elevated sugar levels in your body for easy energy access, your body uses the fat cell storage for additional energy needs, ketosis.

3. And do you add seasoning?

Usually just salt and pepper. Seasoning is mostly carb free. Greg loves salsa on his. Season all. Simple is good.

4. And what kind of cooked chicken and cut veggies do you buy?

The chicken I like, we get from Costco. Two kinds, the frozen skinless boneless chicken tenders (flash frozen, not breaded nugget things). The easier version is pre-cooked, grilled chicken. It comes in two ziplock baggies, we freeze one and refrigerate the other. You can eat it cold, or warm it up. There is also pre-cooked grilled streak, but I like the chicken better.

For veggies, I just rough chunk chop everything ... white onion, bell peppers, celery, carrots, mushrooms, zucchini, broccoli, green beans. Whatever. Sometimes I use frozen, usually fresh, just whatever I feel like. It's all very fast and I like to eat different things, so the variety keeps me from hating it after 3 days.

5. Do you believe there is a link with heart disease, then?

I am convinced that SUGAR CAUSES HEART DISEASE. And cancer and high cholesterol and diabetes and a lot more probably. We have to eat healthy food to BE healthy. Our body doesn't REQUIRE carbs and doesn't do well with them, long term; it takes about 20 years off our life, I estimate, maybe more. TWENTY YEARS!!!

All the carbohydrates we eat, however complex, turn into simple sugar in our blood. We eat a bowl of cereal for breakfast, a sandwich or tortilla or rice bowl for lunch, and pasta for dinner. Our blood sugar spikes each time, more insulin is always needed, it takes a toll on the body. Studies linking cholesterol and fat to heart disease never looked at sugar intake levels. A few recent studies show that diets high in fat and protein have significantly LESS heart disease, cancer, and diabetes.

EXTRA NOTES:

1. We eat a lot of nuts and wholesome trail mix. When we get that snacky snack feeling, Cashews and almonds are the go to foods. And water. Also, chewable Vitamin C.

2. I eat carbs sometimes. Even desserts. But only 2-3 times a week, usually when I am out with others, so as not to be that "DIFFICULT TO FEED NO-CARB GIRL."

3. We bought liquid sucralose on-line. It's a sweetener that (MAY CAUSE CANCER :) ) does not effect your glycemic index. Half a cup of whipping cream, 8 tiny drops of sucralose, and I am dipping my strawberries in carb-free heaven.

4. We bought Almond flour for baking experiments and almost have "pancakes" mastered with just 1/4 cup white flour. Still working on lo-carb pumpkin pie for Greggie.

5. Asthmatics should not do no carb, hi protein diet; might kill 'em.

My life and body are my experiment. I weigh 130 pounds now and am happy with how my body looks and functions (except my short stupid toes that make me clumsy and don't stop me from kicking hard metal objects). I feel that this very-lo carb way of life is extremely manageable for short-term weight loss, sure, but more importantly, for long-term health. We order pizza and just eat the toppings (ok, maybe one whole piece, then the rest, just toppings). We get hamburgers and don't eat the buns. Get "bowls, no rice" at the burrito place. Get more veggies instead of rice at Panda Express. I make meals with chunky bites of meat and veggies rather than pouring sauces over noodles (Or I will as soon as I get my kids trained better ;).

Interested related blogs:

Vibrant Health

Fat Head

LiveStong

Life Hacker

Soon-To-Be-Old Wives Tale

2011-09-20T12:28:00.001-06:00

When my dad was a child, he was once very sick with pneumonia. His mother, my beloved grandmother, put one of those hot-water-steam-maker thingies by the bed he was resting in. The cord somehow got tangled in blankets and, as he turned over in his sleep, he pulled the hot-water-steam-maker thingy on himself, scalding his entire back.

Grandma put butter all over him, wrapped him in a woolen blanket, and rushed him to the hospital.

She did what she thought was best.

We know now that putting butter on a burn traps the heat inside and causes the burning to go deeper into the skin. If the nerve endings are burnt, the pain stops; until they grow back; if they grow back.

The wool blanket became imbedded in his beyond-blistered-skin and the lint had to carefully be plucked out of the flesh, piece by piece.

*****

Right now, we are told that wheat is a healthy product for us to eat. We think of it as a nourishing staple of our diet. You are functioning under your best beliefs when you give the kids sandwiches, hot dogs, mac n cheese, hamburgers, pasta, and toast. But I am telling you, wheat is not good for us today.

To be fair, the wheat of today is not the same wheat grandmother ate. Our wheat has been genetically engineered to grow faster, more plentifully, and be disease resistant. The wheat we have today has not been examined for human safety by the FDA; why bother, right? It's just wheat.

However, two slices of the wheat we have today will raise your glycemic index (blood sugar level) MORE than a Snickers candy bar (a big one, not the "fun size").

In the 50's, doctors started blaming heart disease, cancer, diabetes, obesity on FAT (red meat, bacon, butter) and sugar. We are all trying to eat better. Whole wheat, whole grain, oats, Cheerios, lo-fat milk, fat-free everything. And now we see the cure in sight, RIGHT???

No. Dammit, it is WORSE. They were wrong and rather than admit it, they keep pushing it down our fat, cancer ridden, diabetic gullets. (Maybe Oreo and Lipitor are too big to fail?)

Ever go out for dinner, eat all the bread, and still manage to eat the full meal, and dessert? Yeah. Wheat is an APPETITE STIMULANT. An ADDICTIVE APPETITE STIMULANT. I used to make homemade rolls and wonder how we could always eat ALL of them. Now I get it. Our body doesn't HAVE an OFF switch for wheat. When you eat enough steak and your body will say "Whoa there buck-o: Nuff!" Wheat is evil.

This was my lunch today. Took 5 minutes to stir fry, in BUTTER, mushrooms, onions, bell pepper, zucchini, black beans, grilled chicken, and of course, I put cheese on top. Have all my veggies pre-chopped in baggies. We buy the chicken pre-cooked and sometimes snack on it cold. It delicious and easy and good for me.

It is not hard to give up wheat. It is very hard to see my mother struggle with diabetes, to know my father and brother's hearts failed them so early; to worry about all the rest of my family and you, too.

It isn't hard to give up wheat. It is very nice be my high school clothing size (but, alas,with saggier boobs). It is very encouraging to watch my husbands clothes get baggier and baggier on him, as he succeeds in this informed lifestyle choice.

You do not need the rice, the pasta, the bun, the bread. You will feel JUST as full without them, I promise! Focus on the protein, the fat, and eat some fiber for poops sake. Take your vitamins, floss your teeth. Wheat is the old, out-dated, WRONG information. Eating wheat is an old, fat wives tale.

(Homework: Read Wheat Belly, By William Davis.)

Value of Modesty

2011-09-16T18:31:00.000-06:00

I'm grumpy today and rather than address the root of the grump, I'll write about something that has been burrowing in my head for a while.

I once facebooked that I'd be wearing my bikini in Austin. A comment indicating that a modest mother should wear a one piece was lovingly left for me. I let it slide; I'm a duck-back-mother-quacker.

A facebook friend bemoaned having to argue with her very young daughter that she will NOT be wearing a bikini.

While helping my newly potty-trained daughter use the pool bathroom for the third time in a few hours (drip .... drip), I realized that wet one-piece swimsuits were really, stupid, horrible, dreadful things.

It doesn't really matter to me what people wear to the pool. Everyone is comparing and judging behind their sunglasses.

The thing is, if God is so anti-body showing, why are we born nekkid? Kittens have fur ...

Adam and Eve, they were the ones all worried about their nasty bits showing ... God rolled his eyes and gave them something to put on ... but he didn't command. He just provided. It's the first and probably best known story. What if that's how God works? Not so much with commanding ... but providing what we think we need when we need it.

My daughter isn't really old enough to argue about the clothes I buy for her. She is at the age where it is awfully hard to keep her clothed (sorry neighborhood).

My 9 year old tho, he understands that there is something inappropriate about various states of undress. He does not approve of my bikini. He can tell me stuff like that without offending me (husband is not so lucky, sorry babe).

That's when it occurred to me that its not about shaming our daughters into covering up, its about acknowledging that others might be uncomfortable and we can choose to cover up out of respect. Or not and people can be tolerant.

It is lazy and I'll even say evil parenting to MAKE your kids blindly obey. We teach them right principles and exemplify them in our own life and allow them to suffer natural consequences. If you force your kids to fast, force them to pay tithing, force them to be perfect, I worry those are the kids who fall away. If you take the time to help them reason things out and pray about them, even together, that is really God's plan, I think.

(Feel like I'm gonna eat these words someday ... shrug.)

My Own Story

2011-08-13T13:45:00.001-06:00

This will be the last post I make. On this laptop. The T key is missing and the W only works when it wants to.

Haven't been writing here much. Are blogs dead? I don't care if they are. I still enjoy this medium.

I have things to say. Lots. But I'm realized what I have been writing is more my children's stories than the story of me. They should get to tell their own stories. I play the part of "Mom", but they are people making their own stories now. I remember being 3 and 5 and 9 ... maybe not three so much. Three is very naughty ...

Anyway, it's not my place to record and display their lives publicly. They are a giant piece of my life story, but I tend to dwell on the high and lows and notice what is important to me. I don't want to super-impose my perceptions of them upon who they really are.

Off to Costco. Kids are hungry every few hours.

I hope I blog more.

Low Carb Menu at the Roth House

2011-07-24T14:52:00.000-06:00

I was asked for my low carb menu ideas.

It's been just as tricky to cook low-carb as it was to cook without concern to carbs. This is a great place for ideas!

For breakfast, I have a few cashews and some carrots or apples dipped in almond or peanut butter. Or nothing, just vitamins. A big glass of cold water makes me feel charged and clean. I have to leave earlier; Greg handles breakfast.

The children and Greg have oatmeal or cold cereal maybe twice a week; we are still running out our storage. The other days, they have eggs, eggs with bacon, eggs with ham, eggs with sausage, eggs and spam, spam with rats, etc. Eggs are fast and yummy. Based on my research, the hype about cholesterol and fat causing heart problems is unfounded and relies on unproven theories that are just bad science and wrong. I am betting my life on it. I am going to have my annual doctor visit soon, I'll have them do a complete blood analysis and tell you how it goes.

I pack the kids lunches every day. They get chicken nuggets, ham slices, corn dogs, tacitos, or leftovers with carrots and apples, a few nuts, cheese sticks and 100% juice box, but we are switching them to milk now. Juice is sugar water. Honestly, I think the only appropriate drinks for children are milk and water. I never put in candy or cookies. Rarely, I will put in pretzels, chips, or crackers.

I eat lunch when I get home. I actually like canned/packaged meats, like tuna, salmon, oysters, and sardines. I eat leftover chicken/roast or canned seafood with steamed and fresh veggies. Green beans, broccoli, asparagus, mixed vegetables, brussel sprouts, carrots, edamame, spinach, Romain, green stuff. Cheese. I've been craving zucchini. I end up with 1 part protein, 2 parts green vegetables, 1 part fruit, 1 part dairy.

Dinners are trickiest, trying to please and feed and nurture all of us at the same time. Picky bunch, lately.

I love to buy the frozen boneless skinless chicken tenders. They defrost and cook fast and taste great. With just basic salt and pepper, we like to dip em in ketchup, ranch, honey mustard. Or switch up spices for diversity. Cumin. Soy. Chipotle. Onions and garlic.

We get a thing called "Moist Brisket" pre-cooked from Whole Foods sometimes. It's pricey per pound, but one pound is sufficient to feed my little family of five when all we eat is brisket and a couple veggies (and potato salad, but potato salad is a "treat").

Good old crock pot roast.

Grilled chicken legs.

Baked frozen fish.

Sauteed shrimps are very popular here.

Then we steam or saute a bunch of veggies - mushroom, onions, garlic, tomatoes, broccoli, etc. Have some beans, grapes, raspberries, on the side because three is a nicer number of items on the plate.

We have refried beans and tortilla chips and salsa and sour cream. We might have ravioli and chunky marinara with chicken.

We snack on cashews, pistachios, jerky, carrots, grapes.

Sagan loves noodles. We add beef and broccoli to the ramen.

We are still struggling with implementing the new diet into our whole family. I am not as concerned with the
children eating more carbs than me. They run and move and jump a lot more than I do.

And that's all I really have right now.

You know how I imagine and you maybe experienced food in France? They have this fancy rich food, but just a tiny amount on the plate? And it seems ridiculous; that would never fill anyone up! Right? But it's delicious and has a lot of fat (VITAL FOR BRAIN AND HEART FUNCTION!) and you eat it slowly, savoring and you do end up feeling full.

After a Month

2011-07-18T13:15:00.000-06:00

I always miss blogging. I want to blog every day. I want to blog EVERYTHING, every event, thought, project. Every difficult, embarrassing, funny, joyful moment.

But I really can't.

There's time. There's respecting my husband and children's rights to privacy and not embarrassing them publicly. Really, that's all that keeps me back.

I've learned a couple of new truths: your body treats sugar, soda, cake, bread, pasta, rice, fruits, and twinkies all pretty much the same way - breaks them down to simple sugar molecules, uses a little as needed and has insulin escort the rest to be deposited into your fat cells. If your body is good at storing fat, you probably are well aware. If you keep the sugar levels up in your blood by regularly eating all the aforementioned foods, your body has no need to tap into those fat cells, even if you exercise a whole whole WHOLE lot. Also, the sugar raises your cholesterol, the bad kind. It's not fat. Sugar.

Also, you don't need to eat any carbohydrates at all. Nope. Your body can convert fat and protein into energy. You don't need carbs. You can live perfectly well on protein and fat as long as you get some vitamins from plants. Fat is your heart's FAVORITE source of energy. And you know why you never hear of anyone with cancer of the heart? Because sugar causes cancer and hearts use fat. SUGAR IS KILLING US.

Today would be my little brother's 31st birthday. I no longer believe that is was a bad heart that killed him (or my dad or aunt or several others in my family). I believe it was an IGNORANT medical community that continues to tell us to eat mostly fruits and veggies and whole grain carbs and lo fat diets.

Please educate yourself on the bio-chemical interactions that go on in your body. Please know that your brain and heart, your neurological and circulatory systems, require FAT to function properly. Please note that it is NOT the bread, pasta, or rice at your dinner that makes you fill full, it is the fat. Cut out the carb entirely, and you actually fill up faster and don't even need the carbs.

Once your blood is no longer constantly circulating sugar for energy, you enter a state called ketosis where your body uses its fat stores for energy. You will feel more energetic, stronger, need less sleep.

My husband has lost 14 pounds this month and said he feels full, eating meat and vegetables. He never used to eat much in the way of veggies before, but he is now. On lo-fat diets, he said he never stopped feeling hungry. He'd try to eat normal portions, but his stomach hurt with hunger. He's better now.

What's really sad is when I'm putting out the lunches for my kids at school and the kid has a bolony sandwich on soft fluffy white bread with a thin slice of meat and a thin slice of fakey fake cheese, a bag of cheesy puffs, and a bottle of blue kool-aid. I throw the cookie in the trash (we are a no-candy school), but all the rest is sugar, too. It is no wonder that kids bounce off walls and can't sit and concentrate. Got hyper kids? Reevaluate their diets. Growing muscles, brains, and bones need protein, fat, and calcium. Water and milk are really the only appropriate child drinks. Kids (and adults) do NOT need to spike their blood with sugar all day.

I couple months ago lost ten pounds being really strict about calories and exercising a lot. Felt tired and grumpy a lot.

I lost another 5 pounds this month by eating protein and vegetables until I feel full and just living life.

I got 5 hours of sleep last night and woke up feeling fine.

Our doctors are misinformed and uninformed. Stop eating the carbs. Every bite of bread is sugar and its effects are evident all around you. Half of my immediate family is dead. I promise, you will not die without pasta or bread or any of it. But continuing to eat it not is not making you any healthier.

That's all I can really say. Educate yourself, study it out, ask God, try it out. There's a very old story where the king of Ethiopia is visiting the King of Persia. The Ethiopian King asks how long the Persians live. "80 years and all I eat is bread and drink wine!" The Ethiopian King laughs at him and says, "We live to be 120 eating meat and drinking milk." We have forgotten where we came from, I think.

A Day Off

2011-06-17T09:14:00.000-06:00

I'm sitting here in my underwear, blogging. Kids all at school (the school I work at and took a day off from). Me? I just read last Sunday's Post Secrets and am crying like a baby.

Miss my daddy.

This will be the twelfth Father's Day gone by.

Whatever his flaws and shortcomings were, I love him. I miss him so much. I am so sad that he is missing out on my children, that he is unable to influence the people they are growing up to be. He would have really loved my kids; they really are a special group of crazy silly smart.

I just recently had my wedding video converted from VHS to DVD. He sang at my reception. With my mom and brother. I watched the DVD last week and it was like they were still alive, just missing somewhere, but certainly, not dead. My father and brother. I don't know how to upload DVD files. But maybe by Sunday I can and give you some video of my daddy.

I should shower. Put on clothes. Savor this little window of time to myself.

Death isn't The End.

Father's Day is Sunday. If your's is still corporeal, could you give him the hugs I wish I could give mine?

The Hobo In Me

2011-06-13T14:35:00.000-06:00

I look back on my fashion sense in high school, very much grunge influenced ... I mostly wore boy jeans that were holey and too big. Flannel. Big tee shirts. I have a couple old flannel shirts in my closet from back in the day and on rainy days, I reach for them, then push my hand away. No, Brandy, we don't wear that anymore.

These days I try to be a little less hobo and more granny chic. Just got myself some new Tina-Fey-Sarah-Palin bangs. Oh yeah, Bangs baby. I clip my hair up, all proper. I wear trousers (or are they slacks?) with my t-shirts; and jeans with my button shirts. Shirts with just a little twirl, always at the knee or so.

But ... I'm trying to eat better. I keep reading and learning more interesting things. Last night's health documentary was about vitamins. Evidently, upping your doses of C, E, and B's can pretty much fix everything that is wrong with no side effects (well, E gives me fishy burps if I eat it on an empty stomach).

Our uber stressful lives makes our bodies produce lots of adrenaline and cortisol. I'm not 100% sure, but I think too much of those chemicals would be bad, right? Vitamin C and E are needed to break those chemicals down. But we also need those vitamins for most every function of our body. SO. if we are all stressed and using up our Vitamin resources, is it any wonder why we get sick? And you do megadose Vitamin C when you are sick, right? I do. It seems to help.

I also watch a documentary on Ray Kurzweil. He has wacky ideas about eating. But he is a really smart guy. Takes over a HUNDRED supplements a day. Pops them like candy. So he can live long enough to upload his consciousness into a computer and live forever. It's a plan.

I don't wanna have a stroke.

I'm getting to the point in my self education where the experts don't agree.

Some say eating fat doesn't matter. Some say it matters a lot.

I like canned sardines.

I always think of sardines as hobo food. I vaguely remember some old cartoon with a hobo opening up a can of sardines and the fish get up and dance around ... (not this one, but in this style of insanity).

Omega 3 is supposed to be good for your brains. Protein is necessary for muscle repair and growth.

But a lot of fat and sodium; they say that;s bad for the heart and stuff.

DO THEY EVEN KNOW ANYTHING??

Its not weird that I really like sardines from a can, is it?

Because I like oysters, too.

Whats The Point Anyway?!

2011-06-13T04:22:00.000-06:00

When you have a hard job, more than anything, you want to know you are making a difference. Whether it is motherhood, doctor, president, social worker, actor, writer, or pre-school teacher, when the day/week/month/year has been especially arduous, you just need to KNOW that the stress, guilt, pain, time, energy is WORTH it, that the world is a better place because of what you do.

I can't tell you how many times lately I have asked myself, "GOOD GOD, THIS JOB IS SO HARD, WHY AM I DOING THIS? DO I REALLY WANT TO DO THIS AS MY CAREER? THESE KIDS AREN'T EVEN GONNA REMEMBER HOW I LET THEM PICK THEIR FAVORITE COLOR TO PAINT ANYWAY SO WHAT IS THE POINT AND THEY ARE NEVER NEVER NEVER GONNA REMEMBER TO SIT WHILE THEY EAT ANYWAY."

And then ... I have three (HOLY CRAP, THREE!) more new kids starting on Monday. To go along with my new kid that started this week. And the new kid last week. And the new kid every week or so for 3 or so weeks. Lots of new kids. On Monday, my class will officially be at 14, and 7 started within the last month.

New kids are a great thing. It really means that people have heard good things about my school and are willing to entrust us with the most precious, beloved, important people in their life. Nevertheless, it's one of the most challenging things. Building a bond, helping the child feel safe and loved. You can imagine. I can't begin to really teach the child anything until they feel safe and loved.

Good thing they are so darn cute and easy to love.

But I have had this nagging concern that it doesn't matter. A study of not too long ago showed that the academic advantages of Headstart Programs made no significant overall, long-term academic difference and that makes me worry. Maybe I should be encouraging mothers to stay home with their kids. If pre-school doesn't make their lives better, we need to fnd out what WILL and DO THAT. Right?

But I am madly in love with the Montessori philosophy of education. It is beautiful and elegant and feels so right. I love watching a child concentrating on an activity, mastering it, perfectly absorbed and disciplined. I love the emphasis on peacefulness and self-discipline and kindness. My classroom is much tidier than my home ...

So I have been torn and conflicted. My understanding that pre-school doesn't REALLY matter and my feelings that it HAS to have significant impact.OR WHY AM I DOING IT?

Then I got this link to an NPR podcast and my energy and faith and enthusiasm has been refilled.

Pre-school helps especially with the kids who really really need some help. The studies show SIGNIFICANT advantages all the way up to adulthood. My love and attention and clever North-American-Countries-To-The-Tune-of-Jingle-Bells helps my babies stay out of jail, earn more money, and be more successful with interpersonal interactions. It makes sense. All day long, I remind them to be kind, be quiet, be soft, be gentle, be careful. I tickle them and smile at them. At nap time, I rub their backs and massage their brains or feet. When they are so frustrated they have no words, I loan them them some. When all they can do is scream and cry, I give them space or hugs and remind them to breathe. "Shhh, it's okay. I know. It's hard. You're okay."

At school, they learn a million naughty things they probably wouldn't have picked up if they stayed home with mom or dad, but they also get an opportunity to find themselves, separate from mom and dad. In my class, I try to give them every opportunity to DO and CHOOSE. Last week, I taught them "Squeezing Oranges" and they got to drink their own fresh juice. They really loved that. They love to put paint on a brush and create. I make them bring their own blanket to their mat to lay down and sleep. I remind them to pee and blow their noses and wash their hands so that someday, they will be able to take care of themselves.

AND IT MATTERS! It DOES make a difference. Not just today, but it matters for always.

They said every dollar invested in quality pre-school programs comes back 30 times. I am much happier.

The things Maria Montessori discovered a hundred years ago are being proven over and over again. Children who maybe don't have the awesomest home life can really use a good pre-school. That period of time from birth to maybe 6 sets a person up. If you don't learn how to BE with people, it is harder and harder to teach later AND pretty much impossible to train into an adult.

I'm not saying put your babies in daycare. I'm saying a quality program for a 2-4 hours every weekday, a consistent routine in a safe and enriching environment is probably a good thing for you pre-school age child.

And I'm gonna try to help.

I think it's the best way I can contribute to world peace.

The Value of Life - Eat me.

2011-06-12T02:40:00.000-06:00

"I'm a vegetarian. Oh, but I still eat eggs because I'm also Pro-Choice"

--Some comedian in some documentary I once watched. (How's that for citing my source?)

I read an article at Runner's World.com about the need to increase protein to improve health. I have personally found that increasing protein in my diet has been very beneficial to weight lose and feeling good. But I have that nagging "meat bad" thing stuck in my brain.

The comments after the article were as interesting as the article. Now, it is safe to conclude that the commenters were fairly intelligent and fairly health conscious, otherwise they'd be at the Jersey Shore fan site (great, now I gotta find a link for that ...). Many of the comments were from our friends, The Vegetarians: Wah, but what can WE eat?!

I have nothing against people choosing to not eat meat. But there are a couple of myths that do irk me. One is that animal protein is linked to CANCER!!! As one commenter cited:

Some clarification on animal protein and cancer....

Am J Clin Nutr. 2009 May;89(5):1402-9. Epub 2009 Mar 4.

Meta-analysis of animal fat or animal protein intake and colorectal cancer.

Conclusion - On the basis of the results of this quantitative assessment, the available epidemiological evidence does not appear to support an independent association between animal fat intake or animal protein intake and colo-rectal cancer.

There is more evidence that a diet high in sugar/carbs correlates to cancer than a more carnivorous diet. We need to stop propagating unsupported myths and allow new research to teach us more accurate myths.

It's amazing how very few see the painting on the cave wall. It's a large animal and a bow, not flowing waves of grain and a scythe. Man has been eating animals for eons. It makes sense that this is what is best for you. You never hear anybody say, "I'm allergic to meat".

The second thing is the high and mighty tone. I shall not harm another living thing, that all may live in peace. BAH! No living thing lives without MURDERING other living things EVERY SINGLE DAY. A plant's life is as sacred as a cow as a fish as a mushroom as a newborn baby as an unborn baby as a chicken as rose.

Life is sacred. It is a beautiful TEMPORARY miracle. We are all dying from the moment of our birth. What nobler thing to do with one's life than to let your flesh be consumed that another may live on? I am totally pro-cannibalism, by the way. Just one more of many many reasons I will never be president.

Don't be a vegetarian because you think it is a more noble path. Be a vegetarian because you like carrots. Then KILL those carrots often, aware that you are ending their life to continue yours. Just because a carrot doesn't bleed blood, doesn't have a mouth to scream out pain, doesn't make its sacrifice less of a contribution to your life. You filthy carrot killer.

Eat healthy and give thanks to God for this beautiful world that allows death to aid in the continuity of life.

And when I die, come have some Brandy Stew. I have a good recipe.

Feelings of Abandonment

2011-06-10T04:02:00.008-06:00

Got a new batch of babies at school.

Oh, how I love that first week.

They cry and cry and cry. I want my mommy, daddy, monkey ... sigh. I want to give you back to mommy, daddy, and monkey, kiddo.

I try to explain that these super irritating sobs are likely the very reason mom and dad dumped them off in the first place, but the babies are too consumed by grief to really hear me. They can barely breathe, y'know?

Children under two are not fans of starting school, it seems. They have absolutely no idea what is going on except that everything they know and love has been taken away by the people they trusted most, who have disappeared and they may never get any of it back.

And, just so you know, the teachers, as smiley and sweet as they try to seem, it is really really really really really irritating. Exhausting.

"Normalization" (when your kid finally accepts school as the new routine) takes 6-8 weeks. The first two weeks are the hardest. It is so hard to teach everything from square one. Rolling a rug. Putting things away when finished. Hands to yourself. Sit when you eat. Sitting in circle. How to line up. How to walk in a line. How to not scratch people's eyes out. Take turns. Leave others' stuff alone. Soft voices. No biting. NO TEMPER TANTRUMS!! NO CRYING!!!!!!

It's really hard for everyone. There must be a better way.

All I know: Today, I am really tired of being screamed and yelled at and ignored.

Maybe I don't wanna be a teacher anymore. Maybe I would like to be the kind of teacher who has all summer off. Maybe I would like to talk about teaching theories with adults while staying far away from the trenches.

Also, if my darling daughter could stop with the "I'm a kitty" phase and poop in the potty ...

Whatever becomes of me, I am going to try harder to be patient with sad babies tomorrow. Promise.

Wearing My Religion On My Shirt Sleeve In Public

2011-06-09T05:01:00.001-06:00

Read a great article about religion and politics.

It starts out about a Broadway Musical that I imagine won't be playing at the Capitol Theater (SLC) soon (tho, I could be wrong).

Then the article moved on to discuss a play I really like, Angels in America, which I read my first year at college.

In one telling scene a gay man with AIDS named Prior is helped to the hospital by a Mormon woman named Hannah. As they wait for the nurse, the man confesses that he believes he had a vision of an angel, and Hannah responds:
Hannah: "One hundred and seventy years ago, which is recent, an Angel of God appeared to Joseph Smith in upstate New York, not far from here. People have visions."
Prior: "But that's preposterous, that's ... "
Hannah: "It's not polite to call other people's beliefs preposterous. He had great need of understanding. Our prophet. His prayer made an angel. The angel was real. I believe that."
Prior: "I don't. And I'm sorry but it is repellent to me. So much of what you believe."
Hannah: "What do I believe?"
Prior: "I'm a homosexual. With AIDS. I can just imagine what you ... "
Hannah: "No you can't. Imagine. The things in my head. You don't make assumptions about me mister, I won't make them about you."

That's what I try to walk around with in my head: You don't make assumptions about me mister, I won't make them about you.

I think my favorite job to date was Balloon Animal Twister in Denny's, here in Austin. For one, I made 3 times more money at it then I do teaching. For another, I offered my "talent" to everyone, without discrimination, and I really didn't care if they gave me money or not. It made people happy. I did this job for 4 days, two Saturdays and two Sundays and I observed America. Poor and middle class individuals and families of every race, religion, and status. The least likely man, a bearded motorcycle guy, gave me the best tip. A cool teenager who wore my jester hat ironically was inspired to learn the "art" himself when I told him how much I was making an hour. People were nice to me.

People are nice.

So I guess Mitt Romney, that wishy washy Mormon guy, is gonna run for president? Such a waste of money. Also:

Whether a candidate is Mormon, Muslim, Pentecostal, Catholic, Jewish, any other religion, or no religion at all is not grounds in itself for judgment about the commitments or character of a candidate. Like race or cultural background, to vote, or not vote for someone based on religion is prejudice, pure and simple. Remember the Mormon mother's words: "You don't make assumptions about me Mister, and I won't make them about you."

How I Made Brushing Teeth And Flossing Part of My Daily Routine (Thrilling title, Brandy. thrilling. Gonna drive people here by the droves, you are)

2011-06-08T04:35:00.001-06:00

I was raised by wolves. That's why I have such terrible table manners and house cleaning skills.

I imagine that children who were not raised by wolves are expected to brush their teeth every morning and night. And take out diapers promptly. And clean sauce off the floor immediately.

However, these things do not come naturally to me.

In 1996, I had a crazy roommate who brushed her teeth while SHOWERING! I know, crazy! And clearly, not raised by wolves. I started keeping my toothbrush and paste in my shower caddy and soon, I, too, brushed my teeth every morning in the shower.

In 2008, my husband finally joined in this crazy, unwolfy behavior. Our toothbrushes and paste LIVE in the shower.

About 5 weeks ago, we put dental floss in the shower. And, as if by magic, I have dental flossed my teeth every single day since. Every day. At first, there was the sensitive, bleeding gums unpleasantness. But now I am proud to announce, my gums are no longer bloody. They love being flossed.

A secret I am sure is true: many illnesses could be avoided by removing the plaque and germs between our teeth before they multiply and infect the rest of our body. At the very least, no gunk between my teeth.

Floss, you!

Thrilling blog post.

Junk Food Trips Me Up, Yet, Calling It a Sucess (but not like election of 2004)

2011-06-07T16:34:00.000-06:00

137.4

It's not bad at all for a month of sacrifice and occasional working out.

Plus, I blogged. And I do feel like I learned and experimented and got interesting and informative results.

But, dangit, I do love cheesecake. And raspberries. My hot pants (not to be confused with hotpants) fit again, and really, that is what's important, right? I am consuming much less food, generally, especially sugar and carbs.

So, I'm done with intentional deprivation and moving on to simple, cautious, informed eating and calorie counting (because I paid for the app, and I like using it. I enjoy seeing how the veggie side dish at Applebees is 120 calories cuz its tossed in butter, etc.)

Now I can go back to my irregular rant of a blog journal. You can resume readership.

I Should Exercise More

2011-06-02T16:58:00.000-06:00

Stuff I Keep Thinking 'Bout Instead of Runnin' and Sweatin'

1. No one's gonna kidnap my kids and if they did, they'd have their hands full of unruly defiant willful disobedience. It's like gay marriage ... you want this??!

2. I think fish oil makes my fingernails grow ... grrr ... this things don't bite themselves.

3. Canon keeps touching my boobs "accidentally" then apologizing sweetly for touching my boobs accidentally. It is disturbingly polite and rude at the same time.

4. When small children say your big red sunglasses look funny ... hmmm. Sometimes I wonder about my hobo-gramma-crazy-person sense of bohemian style. If its on sale and I'm attracted, I should walk away.

5. I forgot I was blogging, oops.

Weight - 138.6

Less Dieting, More Self-Righteous Spouting Off

2011-05-31T16:11:00.001-06:00

I read an article this morning that really got my bowels moving! It was some blessed Evangelical guy blahblahblahing about how Mitt Romney ought not run for president and can't do so without the Holy Right's blessing and Mormons (of all people) are dangerous.

Gah.

Ok.

Deep Breath.

This is AMERICA where we have freedom of choice, the right to exercise religion how we see fit, and the right to toot our horns as loudly as we like (unless there is a local sound ordinance). I don't care if you think the Mormon church is a cult, even an EVIL cult. I can't really look at ANY religion too closely without thinking it's awfully brainwashy cultish. THAT is what makes religion fun.

(This is the tone that makes sure I never get nominated for Mormon Mommy Blogs Posts of the Week.)

What I want in MY American President (besides ovaries) is someone who can RESPECT everyone's right to be unique. My bosses are from India and are Hindus. That is a wacky religion. Some of the students are too. Sometimes they come to school with red dots on their foreheads. Sometimes they are fasting. I'm pretty sure they don't believe in Jesus, not the Evangelical one OR the Mormon one. But they are good people working hard to provide a good, safe school for children. There are Jewish children who also don't believe in Jesus ... Muslims ... religious beliefs should not play as important a role as the tolerance of religious beliefs.

What I do NOT want is ANY person who agrees to be led around by the nose by the Religious "Right." What good is the two party system, separation of Church and State, and Freedom at all if big, bossy groups with lots of money tell the leaders "DO WHAT I SAY IS RIGHT OR ELSE..."?

I don't want Mitt Romney for president because I am lazy and really hate having to constantly defend the entire soggy history of my church. I like my religion. I enjoy the mental gymnastics and guilt motivated opportunities to do and be good. But I really don't care to explain my choices to argumentative Evangelicals. Other than that, I think he'd do a bang up job. I think Mormons have a unique understanding of what it is like to have your beliefs called into microscopic question. We know what a tremendous blessing it is to be free to worship how we choose; we've had the right denied us in the past. I think a Mormon President should be more accepting of all the wide and beautiful ways we celebrate the divine around us.

I ask you, especially those who tend to vote Republican: do not favor a candidate who bows to the Religious "Right".

Is it an election year again already?? Sigh ... I thought we had another YEAR.

Weigh in: 138.6 (after reading aforementioned article) (really failing on the sugar and carbs ... and I was sick. But getting used to debunning burgers.)

Just Another Week To Go

2011-05-28T07:55:00.000-06:00

It's working still. The stricter I am, the better it works.

Eight days till B-day ... 3.2 pounds to goal achievement. Gonna be super strict and then have cheesecake to celebrate.

I turned down CHOCOLATE CAKE yesterday.

Probably would have made me insane anyway. My body is getting used to not being saturated in sugar. I think.

I'm gonna run before the whining of my children makes me brain explode. Because I already cleaned the house this morning ...

Spoiled

2011-05-25T13:55:00.001-06:00

I have a confession. I got a massage today. It is the biggest unjustifiable indulgence I have ever allowed myself. I doesn't burn any calories to lie there and be blissified, but I think it's miraculous.

The children I work with are defiant and aggressive and difficult at times, I have the bruises to prove it. I have to ever so carefully bend their will to mine with techniques that take so much patience and control, whew. My neck and shoulder muscles tie themselves up like the chains in my necklace drawer. I clench my jaw and grind my teeth. I say, "Calm down, take a deep breath," at them, but really to myself.

It's a very hard job, taking care of your kids. Trying to teach them to be people and not mindless fluffheads who can't do nuffin' but whine and poop.

And (while I am ranting anyway) y'all don't help when you reinforce their crying at goodbye time with extra hugs and kisses. I know you hate to leave them crying; I don't love it either, but get a routine. Grab a puzzle or color a picture or read a story, give 'em big hug, say, "I love you. I have to go to work and I will see you later. Goodbye," give your snotty, screaming bundle to me and walk out. They stop crying in 30 seconds. Seriously. Sit outside the door and listen. They are just crying for you because it keeps you longer and they really do like you better, but I'm a pretty decent proxy. Once they understand that you WILL be back and ARE leaving NOW, they won't waste their time crying, there's a lot better stuff to do.

If things were ideal, I would highly recommend a morning class starting at age 2 (and it's not a big deal to eat lunch at school then take a nap there ...). And 5 days a week. The routines are important. 2-3 times a week is just chaotic. Do it or don't. It'd be nice if moms or dads would set up home to be as stimulating with freedom within limits, but teaching kids colors, letters, shapes, numbers, self-feeding, getting dressed, potty training, sharing, manners, ETC. takes a lot of time and ya gotta be consistent, AND it's easier to be consistent when its your real life job. I'm a much better teacher to my kids as a teacher than I was a mom. No handy, dandy, blogged filled laptop at school.

Weigh-in: 139.4. Had a Caramel Sundae after Crichton's Talent Show. He rocked, by the way. I frikken love that super confident amazing rockstar big baby of mine. He's thinking about his piece for next years show ... some kind of guitar anthem piece. It's super amazingly fun and wonderful to watch your own children do stuff. You totally see them as these giant balls of super colossal potential just pulsating and expanding day by day. A little piece of you sparkling in a supernova of fantasticness.

Massages really improve ones mood and outlook. You should try it. Makes your whiny brats seem not so unbearable.

HAHA, Take that 140's

2011-05-24T16:18:00.000-06:00

Hungry?

(I am.)

I just wanna take all that gunk

And do some magic, hocus pocus, no carbs baby,

use up the fat in my arms please, and get it to shrink up a little.

I didn't get there on Monday, but Tuesday morning made me smile. 139.6 pounds. I feel like I cracked a code or discovered a secret.

May 9th, 146.4

May 24th, 139.6

That's almost 5 pounds in 15 days. In a year, that would be 100 pounds and I would weigh less than Canon and prolly be dead, which is not the goal. I just wanna loose another 5 or so, thanks.

It does make sense, you know. Carbs turn into sugar which is used right away or stored as fat. If you want to break down the fat stores, you have to force your body to do it by not providing it the easy, instant source. When I am at a weight level I want to maintain, I can eat carbs again and as long as my daily caloric intake is maintained and balanced with exercise and activity.

Liposuction would be easier I think. Faster. But more cost effective? NAY! This poor girl from Burley, Idaho is NOTHING if not frugal.

How DO you get the watery whoosh sound out of your ears when you swim a lot????

Fun Fun Friday

2011-05-20T12:50:00.000-06:00

Work day done. I even scrubbed a toilet first thing when I got home. Maybe I will even sweep, vacuum, and load the dishwasher. Because it is FUN FUN FRIDAY and nothing is funner than housework.

As long as you have the right musica playing.

I'm feeling like Pink today. Pink with Harry Belefonte. That should be just about perfect.

Pink Bananas :) Who knew?

I ate black beans and carrots with ranch for lunch. I ate while playing on the computer. I think they were good, but I didn't notice.

I weighed in at 141.0 this morning after eating three ILLEGAL pieces of Dominos Pepperoni Fest with olives and mushrooms. Ahhh they were tasty, but my tummy did not approve and it rejected it post haste and with no concern or regard for my general comfort.

In other news, we are potty training Sagan. This is day 13. She peed in the potty this morning :) and I rejoiced. It's kind of hard to potty train my child while being teacher to half a dozen other kids, too, but we are getting there. She seems to be getting better at the muscles development and recognizing when she needs to go. Sometimes it makes me mad that it only took Crichton 1 week to potty train. He made me think I knew what was what. Canon certainly has helped my fully understand and accept that I do NOT, in fact, know what is or is not what. I know nothing. I am faking it.

Ok. Gonna change into workout clothes to finish cleaning and then maybe I'll work out too. I think I'm gonna be pretty strict this weekend ... and have my self a grad party too. I'm a gemini - we like duality and dichotomy and such.

Thurday is Like Friday Eve

2011-05-19T15:06:00.000-06:00

Weighed in at 141.8 this morning. I'd be super happy to start next week under 140.

Yesterday was awful. I felt terrible emotionally and physically. I think it was lack of food. I had a 50 calorie vegetable soup and a 0 calorie soda and that was all until 4:00. BUT by then, I was too grumpy, irritable, and lethargic to move. Probably dehydrated, too.

LISTEN TO YOUR BODY! It talks at you.

I think it is really vital to listen and respond to your body. I feel like I am getting better at it (besides yesterday). I can't even tell you how much more mellow I feel with my current diet. Cutting out a lot of the sugar highs and lows has made me feel much more patient and consistent, which is good because the monkeys in my class make me a little crazy.

And I thought I'd be really hungry without those three to six or eleven servings of carbs per day. I think of carbs as the "fill up your tummy" foods, especially warm, fluffy, fresh bread.

Then, I wondered, how much food can your stomach hold??

So I asked the Internet god, Goggle. And google thus showeth unto me: this. And the answer is a gallonish. (Interesting side note: a children's stomach is about as big as their fist. Don't make kids eat too much and give them really high quality food.)

Truly, I don't feel hungry much at all. Yesterday, I did, but I let myself be distracted rather than foraging for food.. "Hungry" is your stomach's signal that it is ready to digest s'more food. But if you hold out, your stomach goes foraging on its own. Into your fat cells (I hope).

I don't think "satisfied" comes from filling up your tummy with carbs. I think it might come from fat. And internet god says your brain really really loves fat. We need a 1:1 balance of omega 3 and 6. The American diet throws that off by like 20:1. Eat more fish, they say. And less sugar.

Perhaps I'll add my fish oil pills back into my vitamin regimen.

And maybe more exercise. I did great with week one; kinda slacking back on week two. I counted "playing guitar" for an hour at 2 calories a minute. I'm gonna try getting up for a short walk in the morning before my "morning constitutional." Morning runs would be nice, but I'm too sleepy for all that. A walk. Hmmm. Maybe.

It's Wednesday Again?

2011-05-18T12:20:00.000-06:00

Summary for last week, I started at 146 and ended at 142 but now it's the middle of week two and I am at 143 as I may have been a little lax about the rules.

TIME TO RECOMMIT!

If we want things to work, we have to follow the rules. No fruit, yet alone FROZEN CUSTARD, Brandy Nichole Roth! What were you thinking? Hungry? Try carrots BEFORE peperoni.

Sigh.

I feel bloated.

I am bloated. I miss my pretty pills. The ones that blocked the testosterone and helped with water retention all while making my complexion better. I need those. And maybe the acai berry pills again. The caffeinated ones.

I ate crow for breakfast. I said I'd do laundry, but I didn't do laundry and I couldn't bear to be the kind of person who says they will do laundry and then doesn't do laundry. That kind of person is unworthy of love. Instead, I tried very hard to prove it was someone else's fault. But in reality, it wasn't a big deal. Sometimes we get busy and laundry doesn't get done and we just say, "Sorry. Here are some mostly unstinky underwear. I'll get some laundry done tomorrow," and no one dies and everyone is fine.

See, I can learn stuff.

Now I gotta work out really hard for a long time. Was a rough morning at school. Sigh.

In other news, my mother is taking an extended forced vacation to Idaho. She's leaving tomorrow.

Deep inhale. Long Exhale.

Smile.

How To Eat a Whole Days Worth of Calories for Lunch

2011-05-13T14:52:00.000-06:00

Oh Rudy's.

I really, really LOVE you.

I hadn't eaten anything at 2 p.m. And I was very hungry. Husband decided to take me to the "Worst BBQ in Texas."

Attached to a shell station ... customers carrying around big plastic bottle trays ... bags of water hanging precariously from the ceiling ... wax paper in lieu of plates ... hunks a' cheese ... ala carte by the pound?

Brilliant!

The moist brisket. Sweetie you simply MUST try the moist brisket. The sauce, holy crap in a bottle! The sausage. AND A PICKLE!

I had 1/4 lb moist brisket, 1/4 lb turkey, 1/2 sausage link, small potato salad, pickle, hunk a' cheese, diet coke and my caloric total for the day went from ZERO to 1,463 in about 20 minutes. That's about 200 too much.

I walked for 30 minutes. That only counts off 120 calories tho. Doesn't even make up for the small potato salad. Yet alone the Moise Brisket. mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

But now I gotta burn a few more. Wonder if the kids wanna go swimming ... ("Nope," says Cri. "Ow," says Cri (cuz I punched him)).

No more food for me. Maybe celery. Hey, boys and girls, be careful when you eat. Food is sneaky sometimes.

Weight: 143.4

WHY?! (Rerun)

2011-05-12T14:30:00.001-06:00

Yesterday I ... ate several carbs. Exhale. It feels good to confess. I ate two tacos from Chipotle (mmmmm). AND a late night halfa almond butter and raspberry sandwich on BREAD (whole wheat of course)! And popcorn.

Also, I adjusted my activity level from "very" to "light". As it turns out, "very" is like a professional athlete or a trainer or someone who basically works out 8 hours a day. "Moderate" would be someone who has a pretty demanding job. Like a farmer maybe. Or roofer. The livestrong.com folks said "child care" was a "light" activity level. That change decreased my caloric intake recommendation from 1,700ish to 1,100ish.

So, yesterday I did quite awful with the carb eating and activity level changing. 1,654 calories ingested. In the Red.

BUT today has been and will continue to be better. I invented a new food. I call it Lettuce Taco Perfectimundo. That Chipotle taco last night was so tasty and I couldn't bear to profane such elegance bu just dumping the contents out of the evil carbohydrate infused holding apparatus (taco shell) and spooning 'em in. Thus, I ate them, soft, flour shell and all.

Then, as I was sauteing some peppers and onions and chicken and ham, I thought, "This would be tasty as a sandwich. Or with rice. Or in sauce on pasta. Sigh. Maybe a salad. Sigh." (Gimme a break, it was raining today so I had been trapped inside for 5 hours with dozens of small crazy people. You'd sigh, too.)

As I pulled out the Romain Lettuce head, those wonderful fluffy leaves inspired me. I gently set three big leaves on my plate. Then dumped the contents of the frying pan onto to the side. I carefully spooned a bit of happiness into each leaf, rolled it up, and TADAAH!! Lettuce Taco Perfectimundo.I am a super genius.

Someone may have had a similar idea back in 2008.

I have a feeling this innovation will lead to Lettuce Sandwich Glory and Lettuce Rolls of Simple Joy.

It's crunchy; it's handy; it's ROMAIN LETTUCE saving weirdos who wanna eat.

Weighed in a a steady 144.0. Felt very temped by the chocolate and candy isle at Wal-mart.

Carbs Shmarbs - Who Needs 'Em

2011-05-11T12:35:00.001-06:00

I have some long term food storage. I carry it along with me: my tummy, bum, arms, thighs. They recommend rotating food storage, you know: use up the old stuff. I'm trying that for a while. Empty out the "pantry" start fresh.

Day 3 of my magic new food eating thing. I fixed the food pyramid for you.

Husband says I should soon experience colitis ... no ... cartosis? What was it? Ketosis. That's is. He's researched all this stuff. He's pretty much an expert (an expert who knows stuff and chooses not to apply it personally. Like a smoker with lung cancer, he is).

Ketosis is the point where your body says, "FINE! You're REALLY not giving me carbs?! Effing Jerk. OK. Fine. FINE!! I will burn off some of that fat cells and then we will see who's sad when it comes time for FAMINE! But don't say I didn't warn you."

Husband says I might be tired and need a nap.So ... I don't think ketosis is here yet. Or maybe I was already there.

Yesterday I ran two miles. Later I went swimming with oldest child (we are in love with the community pool). I consumed 1,352 calories.

This morning the scale said 144.0.

I haven't had any bread or pasta or rice this week. I don't know that my family could or should live on this diet, but I am starting to kind of like it. It's like a challenge to keep my calories down and not feel hungry (tho, I just eat if I feel hungry and stop when I don't); to have a limited (but pretty varied, now) choice of food. For lunch I was gonna eat a cucumber, a green pepper, and some terribly fatty sodium engorged sausages (does the phrase "engorged sausages" mean this post gets flagged for adult content?). But a whole cucumber and a whole green pepper where too much. (I did eat all the .. hmmm ... adult content).

I don't think my body minds much that I have taken away an entire food group. It's almost as though my body has evolved through history to eat mainly meats and vegetables and doesn't need highly processed grain products much at all. Interesting. No headaches (muscle aches from upping the activity levels). No super energy slump around 3. I do take a morning multi-vitamin with 80 mg caffeine (if caffeine is in your vitamin, caffeine IS a vitamin). And I have a 12 oz. can of diet cherry coke diluted in a 32 oz cup of ice. Otherwise it's just water. I should probably include some milk in the mix, for my old bones.

It's just for a month. You could do it too. So far, so good.

One Day Done

2011-05-10T12:48:00.002-06:00

I signed up with livestrong.com to help me track my caloric intake and usage. Its an amazingly helpful website. I also purchased the iPhone app version ($2.99) which is crazy useful as well.

You enter all your food, it calculates automatically. Enter in your activities. Click your water drinkage if you wanna. It really is very very useful for this kind of project.

Based on my weight, height, gender, and activity level, they say I should eat 1,732 calories a day.

Yesterday I ate 1,136 calories.

I did eat both carbs and sugar (disappointed finger wag!). Once with a bite of frosted brownie and once with some Marshmallow Maties. But I ran a mile, lifted weights, and stretched, burning 317 calories, so my net calories were 819.

Today I spent $30 on green things, meat products, and beans. I walked into the store and saw this lovely watermelon half for $1.72. And cut pineapple for $3.28. I touched them both lovingly and gazed at the berries as well. Fruit is not on my list for a while (wait til Saturday, precious pineapple: you and me, I promise.).

Tho, I kind of love beans. Even right out of the can. Kidney, Black, Pinto. I love beans.

Last night, when deciding what to eat, it wasn't so much about making a meal, it was finding things on my short list of acceptable food (vegetables and proteins mostly, with some cheese thrown in because it is so tasty). I'd locate something, eat it, then try to find something else. I realized I was going to run out of broccoli and get sick of carrots, to say nothing of poached chicken quickly if I didn't find some extra things to vary it all up.

There are a lot of beans to try :) Chick peas, garbanzo, butter beans ....

I weighed in this morning at 144.6 lbs. My body weight typically varies by 1-3 pounds no matter what I do, so I will get all excited when that number is closer to 135. Or 145 with no jiggles would also be acceptable. Well, a couple jiggles, but that's it!

I think I will run and swim today. Then eat some more.

Ten Pounds One Month - Will Power Challenge

2011-05-09T11:47:00.000-06:00

(This will be a boring blog for a month, go find some new cool ones to read. I'm doing something here).

So, today I weighed in at the heaviest I have for a while. I've been eating and not exercising. The frosting and brownies haven't helped. The birthday cakes, the I'm Sorry Cheesecakes, the running once a week, but only if my shoes are lucky.

But we can fix all that, right? My current work schedule allots me the afternoon. As my children slumber away at the school we all go to (except public school Crichton), I can totally exercise and and ~~eat~~ stop overeating.

I can be hot by my birthday if I just practice the art of delayed gratification for a month. I think.

Here's the Rules:

1. No carbs. Ok, ONE a day. That's one slice of bread, one serving or rice or pasta (tennis ball sized), one small potato. ONLY if I'm starving nigh unto death. Otherwise. NONE.

2. No sugar. That means sucrose, fructose, etc. and limited aspartame. No cakes, candy, pastries, sorbets, juice, or even fruit. Ok, one fruit per day, but ONLY if I am starving nigh unto death.

3. Eating protein and veggies. Cheese maybe. Nuts, chicken, fish, beef, pork, broccoil, carrots, celery, spinach, etc. Fresh, steamed, or cooked in the healthiest manner I can tolerate.

5. Exercising 1-2 HOURS per day. Cardio, weights, yoga, stretching, swimming, walking, dancing crazy like, whatever. Buttload of moving muscles.

6. Hover gently at 1800 calories a day.

7. No Rules on Saturday.

That's the plan, Stan, tho I am open to suggestions, if ya got 'em.

I hope to loose 2-3 pounds per week, about 10 for the month preceding my birthday.

Daily Morning weight report.

5-9-11: 146.4

Daily Food Log

So far today:

1 Excedrin (stupid brownie hangover)
1 multi-vitiamin
1/24 large apple
12 oz. water

caloric estimation: 10ish?

Ok, let's run.

I Am High on Coconut Fumes

2011-05-04T12:00:00.001-06:00

I got this pack of sorbet from the Costco (cuz I'm a member of that elitist establishment). It is a delightfully delicious sorbet set INSIDE carved out fruit. It is my new favorite thing in the universe! I had coconut last night. Then I wanted to eat another so I could make a coconut bikini. Or horse hooves.

Anyway, still suffering the effects (yes, of coconut sorbet!), I sat down to write a post about how we, as Americans ought to be dignified in our responses towards the death of Bin Laden. And I sincerely meant it. After 9-11, the media showed celebrations in the Middle East at our loss. That behavior was horrific, let's not stoop. Lets be sober and calm, knowing that some kind of justice has been met.

But then I read this post and it made me much happier. Really, this is a great blog to read if you'd like to smile and she also makes the best clocks in the known universe. And amusing plates. And gloriously breakable coffee mugs.

Anyway. Read:

I understand that scissors can beat paper, and I get how rock can beat scissors, but there's no way paper can beat rock. Paper is supposed to magically wrap around rock leaving it immobile? Why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college rule constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear it up in two seconds. When I play Rock Paper Scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, “Oh sorry, I thought paper would protect you.”

See, that's way better than a pious plea for decorum, isn't it? (That's what happens when you eat tropical fruit.)

(Wait, is coconut a fruit? I think it's a nut cocoNUT? Hmmm ... lemme have another and I will return and report.)

It's ....... a drupe.

Delicious Bait 'n Switch at Wendy's

2011-05-02T13:22:00.002-06:00

You got me. The old Bait N Switch.

Wendy's is my personal favorite burger chain. They have, hands down, the BEST fast food salads, better than a lot of sit down restaurants. That's what I was going for today. $3.99 half salad, Chicken-Bleu-Cheese-Happy-Goodness-With-Cranberries-Even Salad.

BUT THEN! What to my wondering eyes should appear? A NEW YUMMY CHICKEN SANDWICH TO TRY? Mmmmmmm ... Bruchetta Chicken. Yummy diced tomatoes, basil, and balsamic vinegar. And, look at that sign: it must be just $2.99, right? That's the only price listed on the sign ...

"We will have your total at the window."

Okie dokie, here's my debit card, "Wait, what? $7.46?! Sandwich and a drink?! How is that possible?"

"No, it is right."

"B... B... The sign said $2.99"

"No, that is for the Homestyle Chicken Sandwich. It is a totally DIFFERENT sandwich."

"Oh. Your sign is confusing."

"No it isn't."

Blert! It is too. Totally confused me. Swear word. Why, I oughtta drive around the drive thru again and take a picture with my iPhone and blog about this experience, by Jingo.

(And here we are.) (See, if she would have said, "I am SORRY for the misunderstanding," y'all would have never known any of this ever happened.)(Have you totally noticed how often I throw "y'all" around now that I'm a native Texan?)

Nevertheless, I am somewhat miffed to report, the sandwich was absolutely delicious. Super yummy. Probably gonna have regular cravings. Will have to alternate between Sonic's Delicious-Yet-Revolting-I-Am-Ashamed-Yet-In-Love Chicago Dog and Wendy's Bruchetta Chicken ~~Over-Priced~~ Sandwich. Sigh.

Should have just had the salad.

New Art

2011-04-28T12:29:00.000-06:00

There was a basket of fake fruit in my classroom. I didn't know what to do with it exactly. Montessori classrooms are supposed to have natural materials, but I need each activity to have a purpose. And aside from taking the fruit out and putting it back in ... I wasn't sure how to use the material.

SO.

I took pictures of the fruit, printed them out, cut them, laminated them with their names on back (banana, chili peppers, etc) and now its a 2D to 3D matching game.

Think it will work?

Pretty pics, either way.

I Don't Wanna Tweet

2011-04-27T12:25:00.000-06:00

I signed up, tweeted a bit, but it's not for me.

It works if you are a celebrity and a lotta people wanna laugh with you you be random or witty.

I got facebook for that tho. Those people know me. Kinda. Mostly.

So, yeah.

But I'm gonna keep the account ... so I can keep MrsBRoth ... cuz people are dying to use that name, I just know it, but it's all mineminemine.

Ok. Now I wanna blog on polygamy.

Happy Dance.

I Feel So Safe

2011-04-24T10:28:00.000-06:00

I haven't been keeping up with the news.

It's true. I have no idea whats going on in the world. I watched the news about a month ago because facebook status updates indicated something devastating had happened in Japan. I have no idea how much gang violence, how many home invasions, rapes, murders, car thefts or jackings, or bombs, or terrorist plots.

The Zombie walks are a little scary.

Friday night, driving around in the country's 14th largest city, I realized I was totally unconcerned about being raped, mugged, OR murdered.

Tho I have had TWO bikes stolen. I blame hobos, but they will probably take better care of them anyway. And it gave us the opportunity to teach the kids how important it is to take care of their stuff.

Stop watching the news. Life is so much better without it. Makes it so much easier to Love one another when you don't feel like everyone MIGHT be a scary rapist.

I really like living life without random constant fear.

Stop watching the news. Seriously. Give it up and your quality of life increases exponentially.

Gotta watch Tangled with my daughter now. Love this movie.

(Knock on wood, please, let's not have any random violence befall me or my loved ones. Knock knock knock. Not tempting Fate. I promise, Fate, I'd never never cross you.)

It Is Ok To Disagree. Probably.

2011-04-23T16:33:00.000-06:00

"What do you wanna do?"

"Umm .. karaoke??"

"No, I kinda wanted to see Hanna."

"Blah, so uninterested in seeing that. Miniature golf? Darts? Billards?"

"No. And I don't wanna go to a bar. What do adults who don't drink do for fun anyway?"

"Capitol City Comedy Club?"

"Hmmmm. Ok."

Drive around Austin for a while, make a couple wrong turns, find an absolutely packed to capacity, unparkable parking lot.

"Grrrr."

"Well? Hanna starts in about an hour."

"Blah. We could take care of certain holiday related errands, then put the kids to bed."

"Ok."

Run to least favorite store, get lots of delicious poison, etc.

It's 8:36 p.m.

We don't wanna go home.

"Alright. Let's go to Hanna (grumble grumble, stupid Highness, Paul, stupid, stupid Sucker Punch, always go to your stupid movies, sure Source Code was good, Jake Gyllenhaal, yummy, grrr ... stupid, grrr).

Hanna was not a good movie. Eric Snider was wrong. It was dreadful. There were long drawn out parts with no musical score. It got boring. I didn't know whether to care or nap. There was senseless LSD-like techno driven scenes that through you out of suspended disbelief. The main character's first line was the same as her last. It was predictable and annoyed me.

I'm sure my impression of the *ahem* film (cough cough) was not at all swayed by the fact I didn't get to sing "Ain't No Mountain High Enough," slightly off-key for drunken strangers. We all have dreams ...

I Feel Like A Little Confession Today

2011-04-22T08:11:00.000-06:00

I'm gonna confess the most random things I can think of, and I may have already told you, but hopefully you forgot.

* I ENJOY eating a number of non-edible things, including, but not limited to: straw wrappers, sugar packets, hot glue sticks, toys made out of soft plastic, toothpicks, the glue on some envelopes that is really stretchy, lickable stamps, and finger AND toe nails.

* I am crazy phobic of visiting, calling people and starting instant message conversations. BUT I can email or text with ease because I know the recipient is free to peruse and respond at will. If I could email the sisters I'm supposta visit teach, I'd be 100% every month. Calling and visiting strangers, especially when I have to pretend to be friends the moment I meet them, is vastly outside my comfort zone.

* I let my children play violent video games (Halo, Explosion Man, Limbo, Paradise City) and I don't think it will harm them.

* I should probably start awarding peacemaker points to reinforce the good behavior I want tho, just in case I'm wrong.

* After we put the kids to bed, my husband asks me what I want to do, I always say Karaoke and I mean it, but he doesn't really want to know what I want to do, he wants to do what he wants to do, which usually involves the TV. He's a really good singer. It would be so fun if he would give up his self consciousness and PLAY with me.

*I love my (underpaid, unrespected) job. I really, really enjoy it, but sometimes, when I am the only teacher with 15-20, 18 mos - 5 year old children ... and that one kid keeps going, "Miss Braaaaaaaandeeeeeee, Canon touched my paaaaaaper," I get a little mean. Cuz if I don't "fix" things FOR this kid, he starts poking kids with pencils, vigilante like. And someone's elbow brushing your paper is not worthy of a stab in the arm. I get a little yankee. It's not just when he hurts my baby, he's sneaky mean to all the kids who bother him. And he is a very emotionally needy child, but demands the affection. "Huggeee! huuuggggeee! " It's creepy. I like most kids, but there are some kids that it's very, very hard to like.

* I really like leaving my kids at school when I get off at nap time. I highly recommend it.

* There are days when I would do just about anything to have a sushi friend.

This Will Be More Effective If You Are Naked

2011-04-21T13:45:00.000-06:00

I married a guy who loves to lecture.

(And by lecture I mean everything he says boils down to this: "I know everything and my opinions are not opinions, they are RIGHT. If you disagree, well, you are clearly wrong.")

(He would argue with that assessment.)

(But it's true.)

SO. After THIR frikken TEEN years of marriage, when I hear that tone I tend to get a little defensive.

(And by defensive, I mean, like a rabid wolverine, I listen carefully to his argument, then BITE HIS DAMN HEAD OFF!)

This very morning, he wanted to have our favorite fight, Let's Discuss Distribution of Labor. But he was just about to get in the shower, and was thus appropriately undressed.
It is very hard to get angry with a naked man lecturing at you. Even when what he is saying filters through your brain as, "You are a lazy, messy, pig-wench. Get off you butt, stop blogging, and clean up this hole! The Landlord wants to inspect and everything smells of rotten fruit and hidden dirty diapers. I work full time, you, pshaw, whatever you do all day barely counts as work at all. You have to take care of everything."

(I don't know what he really said. Probably something like, "Um ... sweetie pie, the house smells weird and the land lord is coming over, how can I help?")

Anyway. I think if my husband wants me to listen and not get all crazy defensive, we should have all our discussions with him nekkid.

What to Eat?

2011-04-20T14:21:00.000-06:00

Grrr.

I thought I had it all figured out.

Made a meal planning thing around the carbohydrates we love and everything. WROTE the meal plans on my frikkin' calendar.

Then I watched a documentary. And starting doing some research.

As it turns out, it seems that old food pyramid is not a good nutrition and dietary aid. They revamped it right:

But I don't really get it ... 6 oz of grains?? At first I thought it meant like 2/3 a cup. That's is? Per day? Then I started looking at my carb labels. They are mostly in grams (so convenient). Oatmeal is 40 g/serving which is 1.4 oz. Pretzels are 28 g/serving or .9 oz. Angel hair pasta: 56 g/serving = 1.9 oz. 100% whole grain whole wheat bread, 1 serving is one slice is 38 g or 1.3 oz. OR to make it easier, 6 ounces is about 170 grams. OR to make is really easier, they recommend 3-6 servings (or the amount of pasta you get in one meal at Olive Garden). The old pyramid said SIX TO ELEVEN. Catch that? The previous MINIMUM is the current MAXIMUM. Weird huh.

And then fruits vegetables and milk are measured in Cups ... and meat, 5.5 ounces ... how much is that? A half a cup of peanut butter?

Are there still four food groups?

Also, can we JUST CONVERT TO THE METRIC SYSTEM ALREADY?! Gah! People!

Here's what I think: carbs are not our friends and refined sugar and high fructose corn syrup (HFCS) are bad. Worse than bad. They kill ya slowly. Like cigarettes. People are making TONS of money on soda and candy and sugar and HFCS and America is not a socialist country (maybe you've suspected as much). We are red blooded capitalists. Which means we ARE not our brothers keepers, by Jango, and if it makes money, shut up and let people choose how they die. IT'S OUR AMERICAN RIGHT.

They told us it was high fat diets that caused heart disease. They were mistaken. Read the information. You eat too much sugar. Your body TRIES to compensate by producing insulin. But you eat too much damn sugar! Then your liver turns the sugar into super storable fat. But if your liver and other organs get all fatty, that's when you start having all kinds of problems ... heart disease is the number one killer in America. Interesting, if you read the nutrition part of that link ... doesn't say eat whole grains. Says cut back on fat 3 times before is says cut back sugar. I think their info is outdated. I think sugar. I would bet MONEY on sugar baby. That gritty white stuff is not natural. Not like salt. :)

I think cutting down sugar is the key, especially the refined sugars. I think recognizing how much of what you eat is essentially sugar in various costumes is vital to healthy living. You need carbs. If you are 5 years old and run around like a monkey all day, you can probably have all the carbs in the world. If you are 20+ and sit at a desk all day, carbs are turning into sugar, turning into fat, killing you softly.

The only thing is, HOW DO I MAKE MEALS NOW? What do we eat? Will Chicken and broccoli fill them up?? Honestly, I can't fathom serving a meal without a carb. That's ok, right? They say 3-6, one per meal or so. Its ok, right? Can I trust them?

I bought trail mix (not the candy kind). And fruit leather (with NO HFCS). And fresh fruits. Applesauce, no sugar added. Vegetables. Lean meat, jerky (they ate that crap down fast!), ham, and turkey. We try to consume our carbs early in the day so they can be used as energy. My kids are super active (all fat kids should get a free trampoline), I'm not too worried about their weight, I just want to make sure they have healthy choices. I don't have any candy here (sad face) (but Easter is coming up).

In summary ... I guess? Grown-ups - eat less carbs, no sugar, smaller portions, etc? Kids - limit sugar, buy a trampoline, protein, fruits, veggies?

All I really need to know is, CAN I HAVE POTATO SALAD AT DINNER TONIGHT?? Cuz I really want potato salad.

Charity, Forgiveness, and Other Junk

2011-04-17T17:37:00.000-06:00

I go to church.

It's always the same lessons, over and over. The only thing that changes is me. Where I am at that moment in life. What I struggle with and where I need to improve.

Last week was charity, this week forgiveness. These are huge, powerful concepts. And I struggle.

There is a hard, black, knot in my heart. I know it's there; God's knows all about it. I pray it go away, that my heart be softened, that I can be kind and loving, but it's wedged in awfully deep and gets deeper daily.

I can't remember when I gave up on my mom. Sometime during Sagan's life; I know I still cared and had hope when I told her to move in with us while I was pregnant, but somehow, with the intensity and constancy of life, I had to give up because every effort failed. I couldn't get her to care about how she looks or smells. Her teeth fell out and she wouldn't make a dental appointment. She makes sure every one knows she is diabetic, but she eat what she wants, sneaks things if we try to remind her to eat better. I tried to help her get involved in things she loves, but then it was all on me to get her there and back, and know where and when. I have my own life and my husband's and children's lives to mind. I couldn't take the energy to care more about her life than she does.

And to be honest, I am ugly about it. I know I am. There is no gratitude from her. Just entitlement and expectation. They say if you give service begrudgingly, you might as well not bother. They tell us we must forgive if we want to be forgiven.

What is it to forgive? We stupid humans can't forget things like God claims to. Every pain and wrong is cemented in my mind. I think we get to keep the memories to help us not inflict that pain on others. But I don't know how to let go. I don't know how to let go when she is always, every day, adding to it.

Her brothers and sisters hug me and thank me for taking care of their little sister. Bah. You take her for a while.

In church they talked about how sometimes you have to maintain a boundary to protect yourself from further abuse. While I think that helps, its more like, out of sight out of mind, not true forgiveness. I hide in my room because I have nothing but spite and bile for her.

I don't know that I can give forgiveness while we are both alive. And so I assume that means I can not expect it from God. I guess that is how it must be. I feel damned.That is my understanding of the atonement. I have faith ... I know the contingencies for salvation.

I whine about it too much. My husband can't bear to listen and I try to avoid it. A woman at work said, "She is still 'Mother.'" I agreed to be polite, but it is not so in my heart.

I'll pray more. maybe there is hope somewhere.

I Can't Blog Right This Second

2011-04-16T17:29:00.000-06:00

It's 6:15 pm on a Saturday.

My kids will be getting hungry and feisty soon.

They are really good kids; you should be so lucky.

We are moving out of the making babies phase and into the raising children phase, I think. Three. I wanted five or six, but I'm not a very good (organized, patient, planny, follow thru-y, take them to the doctor for regular check-ups, but they don't seem sick, and such) mom. So, it is probably for the best. Babies are really really cute tho. But so much work. Being able to take my family to Sea World or even better, in my opinion, just to the ocean is good, too.

Canon drew on my white pants with pen while I was wearing them. Truly, I shouldn't dare own white pants. I called him a big jerk. I yelled, "YOU BIG JERK!" The internet said alcohol would help with the stain, but it did not. That little boy ... I love him so frikken much, he doesn't even know. I'd move heaven and earth to see him smile, but drawing on someone's white pants is awfully jerky.

I need to be a better mom. I wish I knew how much time I have. How much for my life, how much with Greg, with them. I had a moment of panic a few weeks ago thinking what if I die. Not that anything in the moment was risky, just a general, overwhelming, sudden fear. I used to think I wasn't afraid to die ... I just would prefer not dying for a while. Ok God, please? Gimme another decade or two please? I'll be better. Yeah, I really don't want to die. I like my life and the people in it. A lot. (mostly)

I think I'll make cantaloupe and boiled eggs for dinner. Something nice and cool and interesting.

Graduation Party

2011-04-13T05:00:00.001-06:00

I really did get all my crap done and earned my degree. I wasn't kidding. I did it.

But my school's way out in Utah and I am now in Texas and I'm not walking.

They keep emailing me like I'm gonna be there. The BYU President's party, the BGS luncheon, rent your caps and gowns, how the walking goes down, more lunches and dinners and parties ... Graduation is a big celebration, it seems. Fifteen years of effort, I'd like to be off celebrating. BUT, when you take 15 years to complete a 4 year degree, a lotta life fills in the gaps once available for partying.

And here I am, the new kid in town. I don't KNOW enough people WELL enough to WANT to party with them. No offense. It takes me 3-4 years to settle in and make friends. I have like one or 2 friends who might show up. Maybe.

My plan ... when I get that magical piece of paper in the mail, I'm gonna find a cap and gown. I'm gonna have Crichton be the Name-Reader-Thingie-Hander-Outer. I'll play Pomp and Circumstance very loud, march out, step up on the coffee table, shake hands, smile for the camera, and get my degree cover, but mine wont be empty. Then, we will BBQ dead cows and eat potato salad and chocolate cake and do Rock Band until we drop dead from exhaustion.

That's my party and you are all invited! Seriously. I'll let you know what time to show up. RSVP and stuff.

People Say I'm Caulky

2011-04-12T05:33:00.004-06:00

Once upon a time, my beloved husband, who shall remain nameless, mistakenly used LIQUID NAILS rather than SILICON CAULK to seal our toilet and bathtub. Over time, the liquid nails turned uuuuuugly.

Really Ugly not-Caulk

It wasn't a big deal, because, heck, it was the "kids'" bathroom anyway. And sure, my mother-in-law had to use it when she visited, but I didn't have to look at it every day, so I "forgot" about it, mostly. But then, we decided to move to Austin and had to clean up our stupid house.

SO, I put on my safety goggles:

Gathered some tools:

And worked really, really hard, until that turned into this:

Turned into this:

Nice right?

Yes Brandy, good work. *pat pat*

So. We've been in mold lovers land for about 8 months now. And who ever caulked my bathroom here thought the best plan was just to caulk over moldy caulk. If you can't see it, it's not mouldering. But, eventually, I grew tired of brown fuzzy shower, so I caulked again!

HOW TO CAULK LIKE A GIRL:

Get a razor blade, masking tape, the right kind of caulk (I do not recommend liquid nails!), a caulking gun, a spray bottle of water, and a rag you never wanna use again.

1. Use a razor blade and lottsa random stuff to scrape away all the old caulk and get it all nice and smooth and clean.

1.5 Makes sure everything is perfectly dry.

2. Use masking tape to frame out the area to be caulked. It just needs to be kindof a thinish space, I say 1/2 to maybe 3/4 of an inch, total.

3. Load your caulk gun AFTER you snip the end of the tub and puncture the seal if necessary. Otherwise you can load the gun, try to caulk, unload the gun, snip the end, load the gun, try to caulk, unload the gun, puncture the seal, load the gun, caulk.

4. Sometimes the stupid caulking gun is really feisty and the trigger hard, but man up and squeeze a stripe (they call it is bead, but its a freakin' long bead!) of caulk right into the seam/crack. I do a yard or so section at a time.

5. Spray the water along the bead and on your finger. The caulk won't stick where there is water; I'm a very messy girl, so this helps.

6. Use your finger to smooth the caulk along the seam and wipe excess on rag. This will totally ruin your manicure, I would imagine.

7. Remove tape.

7.5 Sometimes I go over it once more with my finger if it doesn't quite look right.

8. Clean up your crap, throw away the tape and old caulk, put the tools away and do a happy dance because you are an awesome woman!

9. Let it dry for however long it says; they mean what they say!

10. Also, just in case I'm wrong, watch this DIY video:

Stuck in My Head

2011-04-11T15:30:00.001-06:00

I love this song. It's my current favorite. It's stuck so deep in my head ... and you can whistle along.

Wanna hear it?

Thought you might :)

I Am a Garbage Digger

2011-04-11T05:50:00.003-06:00

I love raspberries. They have replaced watermelon in my heart. There is still room for watermelon on my plate, but let me publicly declare:

I, BRANDY NICHOLE ROTH, LOVE RASPBERRIES ABOVE ALL OTHER FOOD.

While at the great money sucking store I call Costco, I saw a largish package of elegant, fragile, succulent raspberries, and though I'd already chosen pears and bananas and baby oranges, I wanted those raspberries for myself. Mmmmmm.

When I got home, I allowed myself two, unwashed even, then I put them on the very top shelf of the fridge, that my evil, ever-hungry children would not devour them before I could savor their sweet-sweet loveliness. My raspberries.

Then I recaulked the master shower. I hate showering with blackish brown fuzz. And I like to caulk. Perhaps tomorrow I shall share my master caulking techniques, which makes the job so easy, even a girl can do it.

I was called to a attend delightful dinner of glorious ravioli, marinara sauce, spinach salad. "Oh," thought I, "Some raspberries would be a delightful accompaniment to this feast."

But when I looked in the fridge, MY BERRIES WERE GONE!!!!

"WHERE ARE MY RASPBERRIES?!" I demanded of my husband.

"They are gone."

"WHAT?? I just got them, they are NOT gone!"

"They fell on the floor."

"SO?!!! You wash them off and they are fine, what did you do with my raspberries, Greg."

"I threw them away."

"WHAT?! NO! HOW COULD YOU... WHY?! NO!!!"

"They're still in the box."

Then there was some altercation between our children, my husband and myself, which resulted in a temporary schism where I made my husband mad and he went upstairs instead of eating. I was a jerk. But dangit ... HE THREW AWAY MY RASPBERRIES!!!!!!

I reached my hand into the garbage. Under a paper towel and some ravioli bits was my raspberry box, still nearly full. Giddy, I dragged them out, poured them in a colander, and rinsed them. Thoroughly.

They were fine. I shall eat them, every one. A gift from God.

I love raspberries.

THOSE DIRTY LIARS

2011-04-10T15:46:00.001-06:00

I love documentaries. It's because I am so gullible. They always sound so smart and snarky and I walk away feeling like I've been deprogrammed because now I truly see that McDonald's is bad/Guns are bad/Jesus camps are bad/Government is bad/Iraq is bad/ America is bad/Dogs and dolphins are cute and SO smart.

Today, Sagan and I watched Tom Naughton's Fat Head. It was a response documentary to Spurlock's Supersize Me. Sagan chose it because the cover looked like the guy had a lot of taquitos crammed in his mouth, but it was baloney.

The main thing I got from this movie is your brain loves fat and needs it to function. Also, sugar is not good for you and carbs are sugar. And cholesterol doesn't give you heart attacks.

When we give our children Marshmallow Mateys with 1% milk, we are denying their cute developing brains the fat they really need. Plus, the food we give them pumps them full of sugar and makes it hard to concentrate, so then we give them ADD drugs to compensate.

In the last 50 years, we have all gotten fat and our hearts are failing us. In the last 50 years our government has told us to eat low fat diets and 6-11 servings of carbohydrates. They told us to stop using bacon fat and to use corn or canola oil. They said meat was bad and wheat bread would save us.

When you look at it, they are telling us to eat the stuff we feed cows and pigs to make em fat.

Plus, they define fat and obese in terms of height and weight, rather than body fat.

Contrary to my previous beliefs, biology and weight loss are more complicated than if you eat less and burn more calories, you lose weight. The interaction between insulin and sugar and fat cells is more complicated. The KIND of foods you eat matter. It is hard for the body to produce enough insulin to process lottsa sugar. So it turns the sugar into fat. And your body can store a lot of fat.

I lost most of my weight when I ate very few carbs. I've kept it off by eating limited amounts of carbs.

STUDIES DO NOT SHOW THAT HIGH FAT AND/OR HIGH CHOLESTEROL DIETS CAUSE HEART DISEASE! Unless those studies that were funded by soy bean/corn manufactures. Beans and corn don't even HAVE oil unless you process then A LOT! Just fry your eggs in the bacon grease, you know you wanna. I tell you: it's ok. And buy the 2% milk. It will make you happier. I promise! I have been a 1% for years ... but no more.

I think maybe we should eat like our hunter-gatherer grandparents. Nuts, berries, fruits, root vegetables, meat sometimes. Eggs are fine, salty, fatty, yummy, yummers. I think its fine. Less processed. Old farm. I think bread it ok too tho. But just once or twice a day, not 6-11. Unless you wanna fatten up.

Ok. Now I have some chicken in the crock pot and I entered myself in a cornbread cook-off later this month, so I've got a recipe I'm trying. Then, some leafy greens and some garbage raspberries, I'll tell you about them tomorrow.

This Is What My College Education Looks Like

2011-04-05T22:06:00.000-06:00

BYU has goals for itself. Aims even. A BYU education aims to be:

(1) spiritually strengthening,

(2) intellectually enlarging, and

(3) character building, leading to

(4) lifelong learning and service.

I don't think you have to take Student Development 490 when you get a degree from BYU the normal way. I think once you take the 14 hours of religion credits and all the core classes and all your major requirements, they hand you a diploma and ask for a donation to BYU as you walk off stage.

BUT with the Bachelor of General Studies, finish at home what you started at BYU, you have to take a couple extra classes to PROVE you REALLY want the degree.

So, after all those wacky classes, I had one more class where I had to write about AAAAALLLLLLLL the classes I took. One big research paper, Two previously submitted papers from old classes, One chart where I had to evaluate each class I took and fit it into one of the 33 (!) BYU Aims and sub-aims, One paper on how all the courses together fulfilled the BYU aims, and one paper about this course of all those papers. Was a lot of work for me. I made a mess.

I had this one big Tupperware box. When I finished a class, I'd gather all the paperwork and notes and pile it in the box.Kind of like how I used to keep all my bills in a shoebox. Once I put something inside, I forgot it existed.

There was a lotta soda I drunked. And snacks. I have a hard time focusing unless my mouth is engaged in eating or chewing. In the old school days, I'd chew up my pens. In the computer age, I gotta eat. And towards the end, it got really junky. Costco sized bags of chips and an entire cheesecake. Mmmm.

I sold back most of my books when I finished a class because I always needed the money to buy the next class's book. So I had to purchase THIS little thing to cite some basic definitions and remember Erik Erikson's name. It was Erik. This book was totally in my research paper's bibliography.

When I got desperate, 5 hour energy kept me awake, but not focused. It is nasty nasty stuff. But it does give you a good 5 hours. To waste blogging. As you run outta time to finish papers because you can't remember how to make yourself sit still and write papers.

But eventually and before time ran out, I wrote all those papers.

And when I was finally done, I was finish-your-first-5-K-then-give-birth happy!! Which is to say crazy happy emotional crying and I patted myself on the back. Cuz I was alone at that moment. And it was a huge moment for me.

Got my grades for that class today:

This was Sagan ... I was awfully happy that day, too.

Stuff That Sucks

2011-03-30T09:27:00.000-06:00

1. I'm not allowed to be that weird, but I bet, if I was allowed, I would be. It's for the best that Greg keeps a hold of my kite strings. For now.

2. My kids sleep way better at nap time at school than they do at night at home. I think I will confiscate their beds and bedrooms and give them plastic mats to sleep on in a closet (we have big closets). I will turn one room into a dance club, one into an exercise/fitness room, and the other into a room for plants to grow and people to rehearse songs and monologues (for an hourly fee).

3. Every room in my house has collapsed/been torn asunder as I have been "finishing my degree" for all of March. I live with a bunch of pigs. Mmmm.

4. I have given up food for until I am no longer fat. I have gained almost 10 pounds this month because the best way for me to concentrate for long periods of time is to have food next to me and constantly eat. Sometimes that food was a Costco sized bag of potato chips and a tub of sour cream with a package of dry ranch dressing mixed in for dipping. Other times is was a plate full of tortilla chips covered in melted cheese. There are about 5 cases worth of soda cans strewn about - Cherry Coke Zero and Diet Dr. Pepper; we don't DRINK our calories. Also, tacitos. And edamame. Candy, popsicles, cheesecake. I ate an entire cheesecake. Loco Coco. 5 Hour energy drinks. My poor, poor body. What have I done to you? NO FOOD TIL YOU STOP BEING FAT! Ok, a little food. Baby carrots.

5. I have to stop blogging now and send in my finished works so the nice folks at BYU will send me a nice piece of paper telling me I may already be a winner.

See ya tomorrow, bring a friend.

I Snart All The Time

2011-03-29T09:24:00.000-06:00

We were sitting on the couch (the smelly one) (the downstairs smelly one) catching up on 30 Rock episodes. They are even funnier watched back to back ... long term running jokes.

Liz Lemon. By far, my favorite TV character ever. Since ALF.

Greg says, "Does Liz Lemon ever remind you of ...."

"ME?! You think I'm like Liz Lemon I remind you her me?!"

Blerg.

I stole the Sombrero.

There is a giant mutated spider behind me ... he was camera shy.

This me me, the day after Halloween ... good times.

This is me, strolling casually past my mirror with a camera. Acting natural. Doo do doo.

I'm not weird at all.

I Want To Help Japan

2011-03-28T12:08:00.001-06:00

I hate disasters. I don't watch TV or the news much. Hours and hours of trauma traumatize me. Facts like "they have run out of body bags" make me want to cry.

Suggestions from a Mom currently in Japan:

Donate money to LDS Philanthropies
Donate to the Red Cross.
Donate to Operation Backpack.

You can put together a backpack of goodies for a Japanese child and send it to the Misawa Girl Scouts for distribution. I believe this idea originated at a different American base in Japan but was adopted by our Girl Scout Troop here.

This is a great project for kids to help with. Here is some of the information:

We will be collecting packs and items until 15 May 2011.

Example of items for a backpack could include:

paper, pen, crayons
coloring books
flashlights w/ batteries
stuffed animals
playing cards
comics
tissue
non-perishable snacks
new or gently used backpacks
games
hats
small blankets
toothpaste/brush
lotion
chapstick
hairbrush/comb
Please no clothes and provide extra batteries for electronic items.

Please indicate whether your backpack is for a girl, boy, or either sex.
Also indicate the general age.
The backpacks can be a clean, used backpack or a new one.
Items can be mailed to:
Misawa Girl Scouts

Unit 5027
APO, AP 96319

Questions can be sent to:
JPayne.GirlScouts@gmail.com
Click here for the COMPLETE details! :)

---
If this idea doesn't appeal to you, consider holding an auction or fund raiser and donating the money. I know it's not the same as giving a coat or blanket directly to someone in need, but it amounts to the same thing!

I know its not much, you want to pour your heart out. But it's something, and getting kids involved, giving them opportunities to act in a selfless manner, with love and concern for strangers is big. Just thought I'd share.

Crichton's Infamous Comic

2011-03-27T01:33:00.001-06:00

I locked myself in my room, no wifi, to finish my assignments for my degree. Crichton knocks on the door.

"I sent you and email."

I get up and open the door,"What?"

"I sent you an email of that comic."

"Why? Ohh, you want me to post it?"

He smiles shyly and nods.

"Okay, thanks."

We both smile conspiratorially (cuz I told him my professed "hate" was a joke, just exaggerating. It's totally against the rules of motherhood to really hate anything your baby creates).

So, here ya go. (And his glasses of lemonade look way better than my forgeries.)

When I Was a Child

2011-03-26T12:02:00.005-06:00

Last night I went to the movie Paul (mildly entertaining; you could rent it. ) at my very favorite movie theater in the entire world, the Alamo Draft House. While picking up our tickets, the girls in front of me got tickets to see...

wait....

mmm.......

PULP FICTION (QUOTE ALONG).

Aaaahhhhhh, you guys. You know me as this persona, ok, but there was a time when my roommate and I would walk from our dorm to the cafeteria yelling, "WHAT DOES MARSELLUS WALLACE LOOK LIKE?!" And ending with a barrage of finger-gun shots. And there was profanity! So much profanity, sprinkled like manure over a spring time garden.

Walking back to my car after the movie last night, I started to quote that old Pulp Fiction scene ... I may have said the B-word (probably not tho), but I couldnt make myself say the silly eff word. Not even for comedic nostalgia.

Wistful sigh for the girl I once was.

Next month is The Princess Bride (Quote Along). Maybe that one is more my speed.

THE Best Meal Planning Method for Lazy, Indecisive People.

2011-03-25T10:31:00.001-06:00

Trying to decide what to make for dinner used to be the most difficult and stress-inducing decision I made every day. So hard for me it was, I started a blog to trick people into helping me. That worked for a while, then, as usual, I got lazy.

Then, I printed an excel spreadsheet with everything I knew how to make, organized by meal, and had it posted to the fridge. That helped sometimes, but I was still left with too many choices and never enough supplies.

Unfortunately, I don't like planning meals around a meat product. But that's how gramma planned meals, that's how America plans meals ... and it's worked pretty well so far. 'Cept for me. I'm can't decide which animal to desecrate - fish (rarely), chicken, beef, pork. Over and over? Violence, murder, bletch. Besides, y'know what? We are supposed to eat mostly grains ANYWAY!

SEE?

So finally, after 30something years of life, almost 13 years of marriage, 9 years of motherhood, I have developed THE Best Meal Planning Method for lazy, indecisive people.

And OF COURSE I want to share it with you.

Now I have only had it for 2 weeks, but it has been a miracle.

It goes along with the Taco Tuesday principle. But I am one of those people who really, really likes dietary variety (I don't know what I want, but I know I don't want what I had yesterday!), so Spaghetti Monday, Taco Tuesday, etc, wasn't gonna cut it. To make it more open, yet not overwhelmingly so, we assigned each night a theme.

Thus we see:

Monday - Mexican
Tuesday - Sandwiches
Wednesday - Eat Out
Thursday - Asian
Friday - Seafood
Saturday - Italian
Sunday - Meat and Potatoes

I like alliteration, but ran out of ideas fast. Cuz I was hungry. Rather than designing each meal around a meat, the meals are mostly associated with a carbohydrate (Carbs are not bad! You need them to function on a molecular level, dude. Cutting carbs is a great way to lose weight fast, but you will be grumpy cuz you're starving your brains! YOU BECOME YOUR OWN ZOMBIE!).

Anyway.

Monday = tortilla or tortilla chips
Tuesday = Bread
Wednesday = whatever
Thursday = Rice
Friday = whatever
Saturday = pasta
Sunday = potatoes

My husband is always home on the weekends, so his favorite types of meals, the kind he is most likely going to be willing to help with and enjoy, are on those days. I'm lazy, so by Wednesday, I'm tired of cooking by myself again and POOF, I don't HAVE to; I can if I wanna, but I don't have to feel guilty if we order a pizza instead.

Furthermore, there are awfully simple meals I can make within each theme for when I'm extra lazy or time crunched and there are fancier things I can make if I feel supercharged and cookalicious.

Monday
Lazy: Nachos (melted cheese on chips, dipped in a warmed can of refried beans ans salsa)
Supercharched: Enchiladas with homemade tortillas.

Tuesday
Lazy: PB&J
Supercharged: Parmesan Chicken Sandwiches with marinara on homemade chibbata bread.

Wednesday
Lazy: Wendy's
Supercharged: Cook Anything OR go to an actual sit down restaurant.

Thursday
Lazy: Stir fry (cook chicken, rice, micro-steam veggies - don't combine, cuz kids are wackos).
Supercharged: California rolls and some fancy marinated meat and rice combo.

Friday
Lazy: Saute frozen-already-cooked shrimp, find some leftovers or random things to go with.
Supercharged: Catch some trout, gut 'em, grill 'em, maybe with a baked potato (that I grew myself), and asparagus. Mmmm

Saturday
Lazy: Spaghetti and sauce (boil water, cook noodles, drain, add can of sauce).
Supercharged: Lasagna

Sunday:
Lazy: Crock pot a roast, with everything in it.
Supercharged: Crock pot a roast, with everything in it.

THEN, and this is key, Greg WROTE the themes ON THE FAMILY CALENDAR! So, at 6, when i get home and have to make dinner, I walk to the calendar. Oh - It's Fish Friday.

Watch How My Pearls of Humor Were Cast Aside

2011-03-24T10:30:00.003-06:00

I want to announce that Crichton just got awarded the coveted "Later Bedtime Award."

YAY CRICHTON! Your parents think you are a competent, intelligent, responsible human being.

Yay your parents for raising such a competent, intelligent, responsible human being.

Last night, he was working on this comic strip on the computer about a mouse who wants to buy a car for $100 and has to earn the money. I was about to put Crazy Sagan down, and I say, "You know what would be really funny? If the mouse disguises himself as a surgeon and operates on humans to get the money! That would be halarious!!"

He gives me this look like "my mom is a comedic genius," I nod, wink, do that finger-gun-tongue-click, and go put my big insane baby to bed.

*****

When I get back, I of course want to see how he implemented my brilliant suggestion.

He decided to go another way.

The mouse makes the money with a lemonade stand.

A lemonade stand? Really? No one wants to buy lemonade from a frikken rodent. Gross.

Plus, lemonade is cheap, you can't make $100 bucks off a tiny little lemonade stand, run by VERMIN!!!!

I exclaim as much to him.

He points to a sign on the mouse's lemonade stand:

(Looks like a glass of mouse ~~piss~~ urine, if you ask me.)

Right. Now it makes sense. The mouse just has to sell two glasses of lemonade and he can buy the car.

Pshaw. Whatever.

Dr. McMouse is way funnier.

Or ... Zombie Monkey Doctor Ninja.

Oooohh, there already is a Dr. McNinja, is there internet?? Well, he'd be funnier if he were a zombie monkey doctor ninja!

**exits in a huff**

(psst, Crichton, you should post your comic on your blog. I was gonna post it here, but I couldn't hack your account. Good for nothing Administrator status.)

That's Crazy Talk

2011-03-23T10:47:00.000-06:00

I always feel a little queasy when people talk bad about their in-laws. Some in-laws are kind of monsters, but I, in so many ways, just got lucky (if mine are monsters, they are more like Sesame Street Monsters - nice, helpful, smart, addicted to junk food).

I was reading a great article about the evolution of parenting and I finally finished my paper on parenting and something my father-in-law says all the time clicked in my brain this morning.

Whenever I express concern for the long-term possible effects of some mistake I've (or whomever I'm gossiping about) made as a parent, he says, "Oo-Ah think those kids will be just fine."

And he is probably right. A newborn knows what it needs and how to get it, even in the middle of the night. A one year old tries to help all the time, they watch and smile. A feisty two or three year old knows they need to learn how to do EVERYTHING theirself. I do it myself! Me do it! Four and five year olds know they have to be fast and learn everything. Most of the time, parents are obstacles to the child being WHO HE REALLY IS. Because a person will become who they are supposed to become one way or another. Right? Aren't you who you are supposed to be? No? But you KNOW who you are sposta be, doncha? (Probably you should get on that.)

Husband and I are not the best at the religious instruction part of rearing our children. But we have family pray together every night. I wish prayer time was everyone quietly kneeling and reflecting on our glorious Father in Heaven. Haha. Prayer time in me yelling "FOLD YOUR FRIKKEN ARMS!!" as one of my children says, "dearheavenlyfatherthankyouforthisdaythatnkyouforourwholefamilyhelpusgetagoodnightsleepinthenameofjesuschristAMEN!"

(shaking head in shame)

I'm TRYING to teach my children how to communicate with Divine Perfection so they may have access to Pure Truth. I don't know if I'm teaching them anything really. But maybe the habit will help them someday when they need help. For me, it is a daily reminder that I need to communicate with my Father in Heaven in a respectful and sincere way. And I really, really do. (Often, God (or the ghost of my grandmother) says to me, "T'ain't funny McGee,").

We think we are teaching our children, and to some degree we are, for better or for worse, but we are really teaching ourselves. The kids will be fine. I can lose my temper and swear and even whack them now and then out of pure frustration or irritation. I can feed them corn dogs for lunch and uncooked ramen noodles for dinner. I can brush their hair as they scream and cry. I'm not saying there are no long term negative effects, but, overall, the kids will be fine. Most people, whatever there childhood, are fine. Could be better, but not so bad.

We are all a little crazy.

So crazy is normal.

I'm Sorry

2011-03-22T10:10:00.000-06:00

I'm sorry. I'm always wrong and I mess everything up.

It's all my fault that the kids won't sleep at night. Has nothing to do with laxity of our Spring Break schedule. Day Light Savings? No way. Y'all sleeping in? Heavens no. It's my snuggling too much at night. I should be more like you: efficient. Stories, prayers, smooches, outta there. Twenty minutes tops then on to more important stuff. Right?

I think I wanna quit my job. If we start getting rent checks, that should be fine. I make nothing anyway. Like $600/month.

Feel pathetic and useless.

Hopeless and helpless.

And I'm writing this ~~damn~~ stupid paper on how attitude is all we can control and how parents will enjoy parenting if they simply choose to enjoy parenting.

Stupid hypocrite.

And I know I should just accept your apology and cozy on up to you and let things slide ... but I'm tired too, stressed out. The culmination of 15 years of half-(drat,Crichton reads my blog more than anyone in the world .. what's another expression for "not giving it your best effort that doesn't include profanity??)donkeyed effort, probably the first truly significant life goal is 9 days and 5 assignments away. And I feel overwhelmed.

HEY - I just got some really brilliant advice about what to do when feeling overwhelmed ...

I prayed. I didn't get a big shining answer, just a simple 'do it'. So I started.

I'm gonna work on my paper now.

I'm sorry we fought last night. You say "no more babies" ... I love you and I'm sorry it's hard to put the kids to bed, but I'm still probably gonna snuggle them too much and probably fall asleep next to them regularly. After I finish this stupid degree thing, though. And you'll probably have to wake me up if you want me to watch Office or Stargate with you. But, baby, I don't have a lot of happy childhood memories, ok? And maybe I'm trying to make up for that a little. When my grandmother was alive, I'd crawl in bed with her and she'd always snuggle me. After she died, when I was far too old for such things, I remember crying and begging for some comfort at night and being turned away, yelled at, crying myself to sleep, telling myself no one loved me.

Maybe I overcompensate. Maybe I had to go through that so I could be sensitive to these little spirits and give them more love when they need it so they can be super strong people because they never doubt that mom loves them no matter what. I can't imagine how nice it would be to have that knowledge, securely tucked safe inside, that someone out there loves you always, no matter what.

I wish I could talk to you like this when we are fighting ... or even the morning after. But the truth is, I can't talk like this at all. And I'm sorry I like to blog. I'm sorry. I do everything wrong for you.

On the bright side, after I hit publish, I think I have purged enough negativity that I can write my stupid papers.

I'm Totally Writing My Paper Now and NOT Blogging

2011-03-22T05:00:00.027-06:00

I used to be a contender (in my own mind).

I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that I am getting a little more OCD about my stats again. Like checking them regularly and being sad. The good news is that that sad feeling makes me blog more :) Also, if my stats get better, I will blog more. So both negative and positive reinforcement will work for me here.

My emphasis is Psycholgy. That degree thing.

Last week was SXSW here in Austin, which is kinda a big thing. But I'm a Utah girl living in NORTH Austin, so really, I didn't know what I was missing and all I noticed was a little more traffic occasionally.

I wrote on my calendar where and when Lenka was playing. She was in town. She and I are facebook friends. And there were a few other bands I probably would have liked to see. And Rip Torn. I wish I were more plan-y. And do-y. But I am finishing a degree after all. SO.

BUT then there are several blogs I ~~read~~ would read if I wasn't SOOOO BUSY and they are all like "This week was SXSW and I saw this and that and went here and there and it was oodles of fun!" And I was all "WHAT? I didn't know they were blogging from like next door/visiting my current home town.

Blogs I read that evidently are written in close proximity/visiting:

The Frikken Bloggess (she commented here once a million years ago)

Buddha Ate My Churro

Eric Snider always visits.

Dooce was here, too.

And I never read this one, but she's here too.

Maybe some more y'all. I feel like I should have invited people over for cake. I make the best chocolate cake in the known universe, y'know.

And, wow, I could go for some, if I wasn't so busy with my paper.

But NEXT year ... all y'all can all come to SXSW and visit Mrs. B. Roth, BGS and I'll provide cake.

(The cake is NOT a lie.)

Lists

2011-03-21T09:41:00.001-06:00

(still not a real blog post, got it, just a couple lists)

Things Done (10:24 am Monday, March 21, 2011 - 11 days to degree deadline)

A bit of running (clears the mind, moves the bowels).
SOLVED the chinese ring puzzle.
FAILED TO SOLVE my 10-years-old-never-worn-cuz-i-broke-it-the-moment-i-got-it puzzle ring.
Made an audible sound of disappointment while stepping on bathroom scale.
Swept the kitchen (kept stepping on chocolate chips and ramen noodles - Greg was in charge of the kids all weekend).
Complained about my relationship with my mother via facebook.
Threw dirty laundry downstairs in hopes that the laundry fairy will sort and wash it (laundry fairy better darn well sort and wash or laundry fairy better figure out some way to pay some rent cuz laundry fairy keeps eating like she's not diabetic and its getting pretty dang pricey to afford laundry fairy's living and medical expenses.)
Complained about my mother again.
Mentally cursed my husband's extended unreasonable laziness throughout entire past weekend as house was a disaster (who let them play PLAY DOUGH on the CARPET?) and garbage was stinking full.
Thought about taking out garbage, but didn't.
Blogged - to warm up my writing neurons.

Things yet to do before I go to work:

Shower.
Finish the 10 page research paper thing.
Find two old papers that "exemplify my best writing" (or the first two I can find).
OD on caffeine.

I Like Pink

2011-03-18T08:53:00.003-06:00

(This is not a blog post, this is a writing warm up as I prepare to continue my BYU is awesome papers, ok? A writing warm up. Not a blog post.)

Happy Boofday to my favoritest cousin Katie Poo.

I went running today. Trying to get back into a regular running schedule has been easier since I quit (for reals this time) one of my jobs and *sniff* band (a post for a later date). I know of at least five beloved family members who died young from heart issues. Running is kind of this rebellious life affirming activity for me. As if I have any control over when or how.

But it makes me feel better than sitting around eating bacon wrapped steak and fried twinkies.

The first song my MP3 player chose for me was Pink, F**kin' Perfect.

This song resonates for me like the voice of God.

I listen to it with the profanity intact, because because because. Because. Because I believe that bad words are words spewed with an intent to hurt, regardless of what letter they start with.

The last song on my run was good too.

Running and music might be my favorite thing since ice cream and chocolate.

NOW. On to that degree.

NO BLOGGING TIL I FINISH MY DEGREE

2011-03-15T10:49:00.000-06:00

And I mean it this time.

Got my coursework for my last class competed.

Need to take the final here in Austin with a certified proctor (a proctologist is NOT the same thing). After Spring Break.

Writing a bunch of papers that all basically say, "BYU is SO awesome, I learned SO much and it was SO worth it. My spirit overfloweth."

Tho, really, I learned professors are not really necessary for me to learn stuff. Also, Financial Aid is messy and expensive. Finally, I like school.

This blog will resume when it can be written by a degreed person or April 1st, whichever comes first.

I Hate Daylight Saving Time

2011-03-13T08:05:00.002-06:00

...

Grrr.

...

Maybe next time.

Yes, Poo Poo Head, There Is A Poopy Poop head

2011-03-11T06:31:00.004-07:00

Sagan has reached that lovely stage in her vocabulacular development where every sentence must include some reference to fecal matter.

"I love you, Poopyhead."

"Shut your mouth up, Poo poo head."

"I'm poopy."

"I farted. Heh heh."

"Mom, you farted! That was a loud one."

"Daddy pooped in his pants."

Get the idea?

Is it just a children of Brandy Roth thing? Your kids talk a lotta crap?

"This Will Probably Offend You But ...."

2011-03-10T05:32:00.001-07:00

Gal I work with starts out a conversation thusly, then continues:

"When I first met you, I thought you were a Mormon or something. The way you talk and how you act; long skirts. You reminded me of, you know that show, Big Love?"

Really?

I frikken do, dammit. I totally wear skirts all the stupid time (cuter ones like 1 and 3, not hokey pokey ones like 2). Cuz I like skirts and my old job encouraged dressing up a bit. And I often do my hair in a way that, while i think it looks kinda renaissance, Greg calls it RLDSy.

"I am a Mormon, y'know," I say to her.

"Like with plural ... uh ... wives?"

"No, not that kind. Just the regular kind."

"Oh." She seems both relieved and disappointed, "I remember telling my husband about you when you started, how I didn't think we would get along very well. Now I'm always telling him the funny things you say and how we have a lot in common."

"Yeah, I'm not a very good Mormon," I smile.

Some disaster happens and we go back to work.

Grrr. My Mormonness is obvious??

Makes me wanna get a tattoo.

But maybe a little smaller. On my ankle. But definitely a 3-D spider.

I didn't think I was so ... weird. I need to watch and study Big Love so I can be less Big Lovey. Sigh.

Girlie-ing Up the Girl

2011-03-09T13:12:00.001-07:00

She don't have Barbies.
Or a tutu.
No princess movies.
Only two pairs of shoes.

But we painted her nails
To match her soul
Yeah, my baby is evil.
She's only two years old.

She's a Goooooooooooooth Queen.
A Gooooooooooth Queen.

(y'know, like that song Tangerine ... no? Youtube, kiddo.)

(what luck! ukulele is my favorite instrument :) )

I love my Sagan ... I hate that my baby has to grow up so fast. It's ok that she doesn't know the world owes her a prince in shining armor, right?

Gonna buy us some "Self Rescuing Princess" shirts (when I earn it) (she earned hers).

My Senator Listens and Responds

2011-03-08T09:59:00.001-07:00

My Sweet Lady Senator, Kay Baily Hutchinson ('s staff member), responded to my Day Light Saving email. Tho, I'm pretty sure she's wrong about Indiana. There were a few counties who would bounce back and forth, observing eastern time, then central time, whichever kept them from clock adjustments, but I think Uncle Sam has squashed the zone hopping and made them pick on zone and observe DST (jerk).

Dear Friend:
     Thank you for contacting me regarding Daylight Savings Time. I welcome your thoughts and comments on this issue.
     Daylight Savings Time was first put into effect in the United States in 1918, when it was adopted to conserve energy resources for the national effort in World War I. Daylight Savings Time was again adopted during World War II and has endured for more than fifty years. In 1986, Congress passed a law establishing the daylight savings period from the first Sunday in April to the last Sunday in October. Arizona, Hawaii, and sections of Indiana do not recognize this initiative.
     Provisions were included in H.R. 6, the Energy Policy Act of 2005, which was signed into law by President Bush on August 8, 2005, to extend Daylight Savings Time by two months in an effort to alleviate domestic energy concerns. I support energy conservation and believe that Daylight Savings Time is one route to achieving this important goal. I also recognize the effects that extending Daylight Savings Time may have on Texans, particularly those with children. As the new provision takes effect, I will continue to monitor the results to determine if it is having a positive impact.
     I appreciate hearing from you and hope you will not hesitate to keep in touch on any issue of concern to you.
Sincerely,
Kay Bailey Hutchison
United States Senator
284 Russell Senate Office Building
Washington, DC 20510
202-224-5922 (tel)
202-224-0776 (fax)
http://hutchison.senate.gov
PLEASE DO NOT REPLY to this message as this mailbox is only for the delivery of outbound messages, and is not monitored for replies. Due to the volume of mail Senator Hutchison receives, she requests that all email messages be sent through the contact form found on her website at http://hutchison.senate.gov/contact.cfm .
If you would like more information about issues pending before the Senate, please visit the Senator's website at http://hutchison.senate.gov . You will find articles, floor statements, and press releases, along with her weekly column and monthly television show on current events. You can also sign up to receive Senator Hutchison's weekly e-newsletter.
Thank you.

Unfortunately, I'm kinda opposed to all her platforms, politically. But we both have ovaries (I assume), so Yee haw.

Anyway, I'm off to write some papers so I can get a nice piece of paper proving I can stick to it to the end.

And you know ... I think I need an anonymous blog for reals ... it is dang hard writing when your 8 year old is the censor police. (I Love you Crichton! My sweet little sugar pooper.)

A Quote For A Monday

2011-03-07T06:27:00.003-07:00

Great minds discuss ideas.

Average minds discuss events.

Small minds discuss people.

Eleanor Roosevelt

What do you find yourself usually talking about? Hmmm? The uselessness bordering on perverse torture that IS Daylight Saving Time? That's what I'm talking about.

I broke 100

2011-03-06T06:31:00.002-07:00

Yeah, it's only one hundred and I only published 108 entries in 2010 and only 13 so far in the 65 days of 2011.

BUT it is my ONE HUNDRED people out of over 6,775,235,741.

If you haven't already, you should start managing your bloggy addictions on google reader. Then you can read me on your smart phone as soon as I publish. And tell your friends.

Maybe, in another 5 years and 1200 posts, I'll have 200 subscribers. :)

IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN

2011-03-05T08:02:00.000-07:00

If you are like me, you have probably blocked it out of your conscious mind that

MARCH 13 IS DAYLIGHT SAVING TIME

AGAIN!!!!

Yes, brothers and sisters, we are STILL fighting this fight.

But now I fight from Texas ... a feisty, patriotic, big, well-populated state that sometimes produces Presidents.

I emailed half a dozen Texan Government Guys and a Lady Politician. And Ron Paul (cuz he's famous right? I don't ~~know how to turn on my TV~~ watch much TV).

And this is what I said:

I need YOUR help!

This time of year (and once again later in the year) government and big businesses have decided to make the citizens of this free country collectively change time.

Why do we do this, with all we know about circadian rhythms, sleep patterns, and especially with how much mothers and fathers struggle to get our kids sleeping on a schedule? Why, in the name of all that is NOBLE would we VOLUNTARILY muck around with that by LOSING an hour of sleep?

I don't want to wake my kids up for school early on March 14th, I want to let them get the sleep they need and wake naturally at their usual time.

Do YOU want to give up an hour of YOUR precious sleep? You know you never get enough anyway? Neither do I.

Why do we do it, year after year? Because a bunch of guys a HUNDRED YEARS AGO thought it would help us decrease incandescent bulb usage. I switched to florescent bulbs this year. (un)SCREW INCANDESCENT BULBS and do away with DST! The idea that DST saves energy was debunked in Indiana years ago.

Make this happen, [beloved congressman]. Do the will of the people! You can decide on this before Sunday, March 13^th. Cancel DST forever, and let us SLEEP! Think of the children! We only have 8 days to get this done. I am ready for change, ready to do away with the antiquated system and step proudly into the future. How, if you won't listen and act on a small but personally impacting issues, how can I expect you to listen to me when it's huge?

We can do it! I know we can.

MAKE A DIFFERENCE TODAY!!!
TOGETHER WE CAN CHANGE THE WORLD!
NO MORE DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME!!!

Sincerely yours,

Brandy Roth
Austin, TX
www.mrsbroth.blogspot.com

I highly recommend you find out who your reps are (so I am not alone when D.C. rounds up the "crazies".) and feel free to cut and paste my letter if you don't have time to compose your thoughts on the matter (I copied myself from 2 years ago anyway). Please? Please please please. It only took me 15 minutes. I don't wanna lose an hour of sleep! I love LOVE waking up early and being productive. You get 92% of your best work done before noon and that's a fact. We don't need to change the time to stay up late if we want to. We can just stay up. PLEASE. Begging you. There are only a few things I HATE - and DLS is the only one I can KILL without going to jail. So PLEASE! Help.

Missing Him

2011-03-04T21:39:00.004-07:00

Husband has been away all week. This is the longest he has ever left me, in fact. Being the Left-behinder, I've had time to think at night (because I don't know how to turn on my own ~~damn~~ TV).

I have not yet decided, but I think maybe I miss the him of about 14 years ago more than I miss the him that isn't here right now.

That guy knew how to smooch on a girl until she believed in Santa. That guy would walk and talk about everything all night, just to be in my presence. That guy wanted to touch me, would persistently put his hand on my leg even after being repeatedly told, "Please don't touch me, it makes me nervous." I truly felt wanted back then.

The guy I'm missing now, he ... he is very sensible. And efficient. He is good and noble and righteous. He needs a lot of nagging (and he hates when I write about him ...) and I really hate nagging. Yes, I prefer everyone read my mind, and when they utterly fail to do so, even after 13 years of marriage, well, then I shout and stomp and say mean things. Then apologize. (But really, he should be telepathic by now, doncha think?!)

I wonder what he misses about the girl I was about 14 years ago. I'm sure he prefers that I don't cry every time we disagree about something, but I don't think he likes how I stop talking completely when I'm tired of arguing. I used to be more coy, shy, hesitant ... my thirties have been a bit liberating; I think he liked the chase. Was I always this bossy? This brassy? This brazen?

I feel a need ... something.

I wish he was here.

On Toenail Polish

2011-03-01T18:29:00.000-07:00

I gave up painting my nails a few years back. I can't remember exactly why, probably some purist feminist PMS motivated stint. I threw out about a dozen bottles, my entire collection in one noble toss. Shiny Red, Defiant Blue, Random Clear ... toxic and fungificating (it is too a word, pfft. As if spell check knows everything).

I have one bottle now. Black with ruby red glitter. From Halloween, and for when my inner Goth-child breaks out.

The thing is, freshly painted, perfectly pedi'ed toenails look so good.

In order for me to feel ok about myself and my personal choice, I really have no other option but to brutally criticize those who have chosen to make their tootsies oh-so-very much cuter than mine.

Shiny red toenails look as tho the actual nail has been ripped off, leaving a wet, bloody mess on the end of your toes.


From http://phoebelouise3.blogspot.com/

Front Row Seat

2011-02-27T08:16:00.000-07:00

Front row seats are hard to come by. Best seats in the house. Right up where the action is.

Last week, we were late for church, but Canon was insistent we sit in the chapel, not in the lobby. I saw a half empty pew in the middle, so, Mama Duck Roth, I took the lead and went in.

When I got to the row, someone had left their scripture bag in the middle of the space, the classic Mormon way of saying "THESE SEATS ARE SAVED, MOVE ALONG."

Now, the sacrament hymn was almost over, there was no 5 person space available, but then I noticed the entire front left pew was open. I scurried over, asked the 2nd row guy if anyone was sitting there.

"Nope."

Hallelujah! God Be Praised.

I got my monkeys situated, then realized: we left the bag in the lobby.

NOOOOOO!!!!

The bag has the snacks, the books, the activities. WE ARE ON THE FRONT ROW WITH THREE KIDS AND NO ACTIVITIES!!!!!

I whisper to Crichton, "We left the bag out there, can you go get it?"

He reverently walks out.

And comes back EMPTY HANDED.

"I looked everywhere, its not in the car, mom!"

"Nonono, it by the couch in the lobby!"

"You didn't tell me that,"

"See if you can find it, please."

He gets it. All goes well. In fact, my kids, sitting on the left front pew, may have been the best behaved they have ever been at a church meeting. Maybe they are growing up. Maybe they knew everyone and Jesus was watching them.

Today we skipped church tho. Nevertheless, they are still being very, very good kids. I kind of like these guys. I enjoy hanging out with them as they go about their business.

Anyway, I saythesethingsinthenameofJesusChrist - Amen.

Sometimes

2011-02-24T21:25:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I look at the little weather application on my iGoogle thingy and it says 37 and snowing and I freak out for a second, but then I realize that is the Utah weather and I scroll down a smidge.

73 and Sunny.

Ahh. That's more like it.

*sips lemonade*

Three out of Five units submitted on my last class. April 1st deadline. Giant Thesis Class can now be ordered.

Go Brandy Go!

I Think ...

2011-02-15T10:57:00.000-07:00

I think I am gonna actually finish that Bachelors degree I started way back in August of 1996 at Cornell (the one in Iowa).

For shame, my BYU credits expire in April. That's soon. I've had just one class to go for EVER.

And I finished the first of five units for that class on Sunday. I'm submitting it today. I'm procrastinating that right now.

But alas ... I think I will not be flying to Utah and "walk" (the email BYU sent asking if I was gonna "walk" had "walk" in parenthesis. Perhaps they think 32 is getting old and feeble and I might need to "wheelchair", but I am yet very spry and limber, BYU. I could "walk" if I so desired. By Jingo. I can "walk." But I won't).

Don't cry for me Argentina. It's ok. I just need the degree. I'll party it up here. I'll celebrate with karaoke. You can still send gifts.

If I finish.

Better get to work tho, huh.

Ok, byee.

My Funny Kids

2011-02-08T09:10:00.003-07:00

It's long been my goal to raise my children to become people who are entertaining to me. So far, it's been a HUGE success. Let's make a list, because I like lists. I'm listy.

1. Canon's obsession with bodily functions, mostly defecation, but sometimes urination, also. I can't think of the last time he uttered a sentence that did not include "poopy-head", "poop-face", "I'll poop on you", "You pooped in your pants", "I smell poop", "I farted", "I saw a big fat gas bubble come out of your bum", "O-poop" (instead of OK), "A-poop" (instead of amen), or, "I love you, poop". Yes, it's naughty, dammit, but it makes me laugh. He's so inappropriate.

2. Crichton's completely fictitious Journal and Diary. Monday's entry:

Today my mom was snuggling me and said "Be Happy with what you have, D-A-M-M-I-T!

It includes an illustration.

The next entry, also dated "Monday."

Today I was teased by Canon. He was NAKED!

(also includes an illustration.)

He leaves this book lying around. I found it on the couch ... I'm pretty sure he wants us to read it. I don't think I said what he said I said.

3. Sagan's maternal instincts. Sagan things everything is a baby and every baby needs a blanket and a pillow. In the kitchen, she will take cans of food out of the pantry and lay them lovingly on dishtowels, a pot holder for a pillow, and cover them with more dishtowels. Sometimes, one of the cans will start "crying"; she will pick it up and say, "I know, I know, shh shh, shh."

4. Sagan's sense of humor. Oh my goodness. You have never seen anyone who finds the world as hilarious as Sagan does. She has a scrunchy-face-twinkly-eyes smile that proceeds an high pitched, mega decibel guffaw. Canon says "poop" = she laughs. Mommy says anything, she laughs and says, "You funny, Mommy!" We pretend to tickle her, she giggles and squirms uncontrollably. If daddy makes an inappropriate comment like, "I'll shake your soda can," She laughs as tho she understands.

5. Lectures by Professor Crichton. Like father like son. Who cares if it's true or not, as long as you SOUND like an authority.

6. Morality by Pope Crichton. Mostly it involves defining which words are bad, how they are spelled, and when, if ever, they can be used appropriately.

7. Canon-no-pants. I appreciate that Canon tolerates wearing clothes at school, but as soon as he comes home, *whistle sound* off go the pants. I buy him boxer briefs ... tighy whities make me a little uncomfortable. And when he is very, very mad, like devastated, like video game privileges have been revoked, he literally strips off all his clothes in anger. (maybe that journal entry about Canon was true ...).

10. Sagan talks. I love how she puts her thoughts together. I love how she construes sentences. I love her tiny little guts out.

Just Trying Something ...

2011-02-07T13:14:00.001-07:00

Canoe Song by Mrs. B. Roth

If this works, its my a little song I like to sing. Cuz Imma singer. In a band. Yeah.

I Know, I Know

2011-01-31T08:53:00.002-07:00

One class left. And a capstone (whatever that is). Then I will be Mrs. B. Roth, BGS. I will totally change my blog title even. Which is not very impressive. But it's not nothing.

So. How's life?

Canon turned 5. He's in a new school and seems very happy about life in general. Wrote his numbers to a hundred last week. Calls me Ms. Brandy, Ms. Brandy Dan, and Ms. Fancy Pants. He pretty much teases me incessantly. And says poop way too much. I love seeing his big smile so often tho.

Sagan is 2 and a half. She loves to giggle and sing with me. She skips. The boys would walk or run or climb or jump ... she skips around the room. In the middle of the night, if she wakes up, she brings her water bottle, her purse, her baby, a book, and sometimes a blanket and pillow into our room. Sometimes it takes her two trips. And she is anti-blankie, where as I am extremely pro-blankie AND she and I fight over who gets to sleep on the edge ... why does she never try daddy's side?

Crichton got a blue ribbon in the science fair (shh, blue ribbon=participant) for his potato electricity project. Also, he made a cool desert diorama. And he had to sew a dress for his classes Hundred Dresses project (a small dress, not a real one). Projects are fun. He's in choir and after school sport club thing. His bike got stolen because he didn't lock it one morning when his hands were cold (dammit), so we have to drive him to school and he walks home. He reads a lot. Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief, Diary of a Wimpy Kid, Alcatraz and the Evil Librarians. Last night he said, "I wish every time you turned a page, another page would appear at the back of the book, so it'd never end." We recommended he read Robert Jordon's books.

Greggie Poo is working hard and writing. In November he finished a novel. WRITING. And I'm reading it and I like it. (He doesn't like it when I write about him ...)

Me? I work a couple hours at my old job, ~~pretend to~~ do homework and lesson plans all afternoon, then go to my new job, Canon and Sagan's new school, and work 4 hours, come home, make dinner, put kids to bed, watch TV with beloved, sleep happily. Oh, and I'm a singer in a band. I'll post my music videos once they are finished. I'm not kidding. And sometimes I make balloon animals just for fun. Monkeys are still my favorite.

I need to have a family portrait taken. My little family is so dang cute right now ... I don't think we are ever gonna be this cute again ... the boys will start dressing weird and making "decisions" about their hair ... Sagan will grow out of cute big baby and become cute little girl (maybe it's already too late). Yes, need a family portrait.

OK. On to homework, lessons, guitar playing, etc.

MUAH!

Something Important

2011-01-24T10:39:00.002-07:00

A blog is like a tiny giant megaphone. People pay attention, if they want to (and being paid attention is second only to being paid actual money).

I started my blog about a million years ago for a billion reasons, mostly selfish and attention-whore related. But often I was trying to say something important .. or trying to figure out what was important.

Something I talk about are my feelings for my mother. Now, you can't make yourself feel something that's not there, but you can behave in a decent and civil way. My husband would disagree, but, as I avoid being in the same room, avoid conversing ... I'm trying to be civil. Otherwise, all I wanna do is criticize her and shake my fist at God (He's such a jerk) for His methods of taking and leaving people. Not sure it's really up to Him, anyway. And my vision of God is shifting.

Last night, after we got the kids to bed, my mother was playing a nearly mindless video game on the downstairs TV so we were procuring snacks to eat while watching super cute Joshua Jackson on the upstairs TV.

She was crying.

I was perplexed.

"Are you crying?" I asked incredulously.

She sniffed in confirmation.

I didn't know what to do about it. I should care, I should be concerned, but I'm a jerk and I was irritated.

"What's the matter?" My much-better-human-being-than-I husband asked, carefully.

"I'm just lonely."

My eyes rolled involuntarily. How dare she have complex feelings and stuff. My family provides for all her basic needs. She needs more? She wants attention and affection, too?

"What are you going to do about it," My solution-oriented husband asked.

"It'll pass," she says.

So nothing, I think to myself. Effective.

But dagnabit ... it's bothering me and I don't know what to do.

She does nothing. Well, video games and light housework. Occasional child care. She never really leaves the house, except to get the mail; never goes out with friends, I'm not sure she knows anyone outside of our family. If we ask her if she's looked into hobbies or interests, she has excuses for why it's impossible, or doesn't exist here.

To me, it seems she is wasting life. I have so many things I wanna do ... I am pulled a dozen ways constantly. I never think to myself, "I am bored."

Part of me wants to help her; part of me says if she won't do it for herself, she doesn't deserve it. She's always made people do everything for her. She still is.

Tell me, what should I do?

Someone Wet the Bed. Again

2011-01-10T12:21:00.003-07:00

I'm changing my bedsheets today.

Again.

About a week ago, Canon allegedly peed in our bed. On Greg's side. I was on my way to work when I noticed it and I figured Greg would take care of it. It was on his side, after all.

That night, when I fell into bed, it was still the same sheets.

Night after night, morning after morning, I kept thinking to myself, as I'd notice the small pizza -sized yellow stain, "I should change these sheets." A few times, I even started looking for new sheets to put on the bed, but I could never find a bottom sheet and I'd get distracted.

Finally, last night, I ripped the sheets off the bed and took them down to the laundry room. I searched high and low and could not find a stupid bottom sheet. How can we have FOUR top sheets and only one TOTALLY RIPPED UP bottom sheet. I shook my fist at the universe and put the kids to bed.

Fell asleep.

Greg woke me up and we may have watched something together on the couch. I fell asleep.

Greg woke me up again, but this time I was possessed by Satan and Greg wanted me to FINISH MAKING THE STUPID BED already.

Loud and unnecessarily mean things were said. I am ashamed.

Green and arguably stinky sheets were located and placed on the bed and we all went to sleep.

This morning, Greg was in the shower when I got home from my first job at 9:30 am. I noticed a GIANT wet spot on MY SIDE OF THE BED.

Grrrr.

I ripped off the sheets, cleaned up the urine, allowed it to dry sufficiently, and I will now put clean sheets on my bed.

Again.

On Healing and Dying

2011-01-02T14:24:00.002-07:00

Paradoxes are my favorite.

The human body heals itself. Get a cut, break a bone ... your body will heal. You can take antibiotics for 10 days or wait ten days and let your immune system handle the germs. If I could invent a chair that could heal when it breaks a leg ... wow .. it'd last forever.

But we don't last forever. Sometimes too much happens and your body can't heal fast enough (like when you fall whoopsie daisy into a wood chipper). But, more typically, we get old and die.

Why? How? It doesn't make sense.

Except it really does.

It tells us this life is not forever. We are not stuck in this existence for all time. There is more to come. I think.

And that's kind of a blessing, too.

Also, I got this Oil of Olay Eye Serum for $10 at Target and I really think it reduces the puffiness and fine lines around my eyes.

Twenty Eleven

2011-01-01T01:11:00.001-07:00

Stupid year; 2010. Good riddance.

Where have I been?

I got a job, worked too much, found another. Worked both. Now I trying to extricate myself from job one so I can do job two and not be so timeless.

And some other stuff. Singer in a band. Hater of mia madre. Mother of my amazing children; wife of Greg. much to do.

I missed you.

A lot.

More than you can possibly know.

I'd like to cautiously suggest that I might blog a little more often in 2011.

Austin's Weird

2010-10-18T04:02:00.000-06:00

I like weird things. Ask yourself if you're weird. If you are, I probably like you. If not, I try to fake it anyway (sorry if I fail).

Austin has a thing for weird stuff. A museum even. But it's way down on 6th and I don't like it over there. Some bright day, maybe I'll go.

Here's a list of some Austinian things I thought were weird, but am kinda getting used to:

1. The traffic lights are all hung sigh ways ... not up and down. So Green is left not top ... Why would they do that?

2. Buildings smell a little moldy - the church building, the movie theater, the schools ... I know its the humidity and stuff ... but it makes me nervous.

3. The middle of the roads have trees and grass and little turning lane things every block or so, but no suicide lanes. Maybe a picture would clarify what I mean ... let me go play with google maps and Paint ... here's a song I'm trying to sing for my band while you wait. But I sing "good gravy" instead of "oh glory" - making it my own and such.

Got it?

4. The water tastes like butt which means there is no great pizza in Austin. I have tried 7 different places ... no good pizza I tell you.

5. The Highways. Oh Mama. You can't give each highway two names and expect me not to get confused. The One is MoPac. There are Toll roads which I evaded paying so far ... but I think they got my picture ... if so, it was my confused face. Then there are FM roads which I think stand for Farm to Market? And Ranch Roads and these little side highway roads which follow the highway and attach to the highway, but are separate ... my GPS, Daniel (he's another post for another time), calls them "slip roads," which I find very sexy.

I'm Afraid of Monsters, But Not Ghosts

2010-10-17T13:09:00.005-06:00

When I was about 8 or 9 or 10, I was co-president of this paranormal detective agency called P.D.I. (Private Detective Investigators). We looked into local cases involving neighborhood witches, mysterious pieces of seemingly random trash, weird sounds, out-of-body experiences, and, of course, hauntings. Then, my teammate complained of nightmares and her parents forced us into retirement. That's when we started translating the hieroglyphics in the Pearl of Great Price.

We were pretty brave though. Witches are scary.

But that was up in Idaho.

Texas is different. I am afraid to go outside at night, at 30 something years of age, because a big cicada flew at me my second night here in Texas.

They buzz ominously. I caught* the one who attacked me, but the rest are still out there. Weee-oooo, weeee-oooo. (Shuddering).

*Right, and for clarity, by "caught" I mean he flew in, I screamed, hid under my blankets all night, and found his carcass days later. Semantics. Doesn't he look pretty framed?

She Will Be Remembered For Nothing

2010-10-04T10:32:00.002-06:00

Do you ever cry about things inexplicably? I'm a girl: It's part of the definition, I suppose.

Everyone dies. It's just how life is. There seems to be no sense or reason in anything, sometimes. I wear these funny underwear, but some days I just don't know if I believe in any of it.

Read several "wow, general conference was inspiring" updates ... I was making balloon animals (and making bank baby).

Today may be my last day off ever. I have like five jobs now. Five is my favorite number.

1. Mom
2. Wife
3. Amazing Balloon Artist
4. Preschool Teacher
5. Singer in a Band

I've forgotten how to blog. Was there anything important I needed to say?

I blog because I wanna be remembered. Tho it is nothing.

Just feeling so overwhelmed with the responsibility of living.

I'm gonna back to singing sweet sad songs.

Gluttony on the Sabbath

2010-09-12T15:56:00.007-06:00

Golden Corral: I am torn. I hate the waste and the gluttony, but I kind of like the spectacle of it - I can think of no better place to people-watch. And, holy cow, they have these coconut chewy things dipped in chocolate ... mmmmmm

And the rolls.

Those rolls are worth the cost of admittance. Except I'm cheap. And lazy.

Behold: the internet knows all the secrets of mankind.

BUT, remember, I'm lazy. I want fresh bread, but I do not want to do all that pushing and folding and mixing and stuff. That's what I have a bread machine FOR.

Except my rolls didn't rise.

(Grrr, pouty face.)

So, I threw some additional warm water, sugar, and yeast together and started the dough cycle again. Then some more flour. And waited some more.

Think it'll work?

Hey, do you know where yeast comes from?

Wonder if there's a recipe for those coconut chocolate things now ...

Funny Things MY Family Says (What a clever title, Brandy)

2010-09-10T09:39:00.003-06:00

Dad: Canon, why didn't you close your eyes during the prayer?

Crichton: Because he hates God.

Canon: I don't hate God!

*****

Canon: Jesus is a jerk.

Mom: Why do you say that?

Canon: He keeps making it rain all the time.

*****

Sagan: Mommy's silly.

Mom: Mommy's silly? No, Sagan's silly.

Sagan: No Mommy's silly

(this goes on and on. I think its funny ... so maybe that proves her point)

*****

Dad (referring to mom's clothes): That outfit looks very ... hippie.

Mom: If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.

Dad: What makes you think I wasn't being nice?

Mom: I know how you feel.

Dad: About you or hippes?

Mom: Both.

*****

Canon: Mommy, you have small boobies.

Mom: Yes I do. Thank you.

Canon: Can I touch your boobies?

Mom: Uhhh ... no. Weirdo.

Canon: (lays head on moms chest) I'm touching your boooooobies.

Mom: That's not appropriate.

*****

Sagan: (in mom and dad's bed) I wanna go to bed.

Mom: You're ready to go back to your own bed?

Sagan: Yes.

Dad: Do you want mom or dad to take you?

Sagan: Mom.

Mom: No no no. You want daddy to take you don't you?

Sagan: No. Mommy.

(she's a jerk cuz she both makes it look like she likes mommy better, but really likes daddy better and let him off the hook - thus getting DOUBLE points in daddy's book)

Good Monday Morning (On a Tuesday)

2010-09-07T08:11:00.002-06:00

Some moms are great. They get up early, run, shower, get pertied up, fix breakfast, lunch, dinner; all before their little angel poopers can wipe the eye boogers on mommy's shoulder.

Those kind of moms would have researched, applied, and won the charter school lottery the moment they knew which school district their brilliant 8 year old would be residing in (I'm trying to use better grammar ... that last oopsie was a dangling participle; knowing the problem is half the battle).

I don't feel too bad that it's already September 7th and I'm just now looking up the phone number of the closest elementary school to see if Crichton is supposed to go there and what they need from me to get him in. I did make poor Cri go to school all summer long at the Montessori school I was working at back in Utah (2,008 miles away when you take the scenic route through Phoenix, AZ and Roswell, NM). Plus, that school looks a little sketchy ... probably the less days he attends, the less times I have to remind him that while I am not offended by the H-, D-, or most B-words, the M-F-word does bother me a little.

Less blogging and more enrolling.

And Now For Something Pretty Much the Same but Texas-y

2010-09-05T16:24:00.002-06:00

So.

Greg got a lovely job offer around the first of August and we hustled our bustles and ended up in Texas around September first.

Crazy.

It took a while for me to get internetted up here, but I'm set now.

Not really sure what I wanna do with my self exactly yet.

The drive out kinda killed me, but I'm recovering. Slowly.

I have to tell you tho, husband dear is getting increasingly censorship-y. "Whatever you write is out there FOREVER." No kidding babe. That's kinda the point. So ... that's hard. Asking permission for every publish kinda sucks the life outta me.

ANYWAY.

Assuming I can get Chairman Roth to grant me 1st amendment rights ... I'll tell ya everything and more. Otherwise, I'll have to appeal to the Texas ACLU ... not sure if we have that here tho ... Texas is kinda weird.

I AM MOVING TO TEXAS

2010-08-19T15:41:00.002-06:00

I'm supposed to be cleaning out the kid's closets. But I have wanted to blog and have been utterly held in silence. For a while. My husband is (the nicest man in the world. I am so lucky.)

He got a great new job in a big old state.

In seven days we caravan down south towards Austin Texas.

AUSTIN!

That's the cool part of Texas. :)

When I get there .. and maybe this week, I'll blog more.

Does anyone in Texas read my blog? (echo echo echo)

Hmm.

Well! Wish me luck. Help me pack. Wanna adopt my kitty? Or house plants?

BE WARNED!

2010-07-21T04:00:00.000-06:00

This is the warning label on my storage boxes.

Thank you manufacturers: I will be careful not to put babies that are too big for the box in these boxes!

Because then they won't close properly. And you can't stack them safely.

That was a close one.

Summer Movies: Brandy Gets Out of The House Occasionally

2010-07-20T04:00:00.000-06:00

I dragged my dear old husband to the sparkle vamp movie. I got elbowed for laughing too much. It was like every scene, the director said, "Now, show me INTENSE!" and they did.

And for the record ... I am 100% team Jacob. Wow. Holy Wow. Grrrrr. Rawwwr. Who wants Mr. Frigid when Mr. Naked with a Sense of Humor and a Pulse is there??? Seriously.

This movie would have been better if:

1. There were more musical numbers (the song Hungry Like the Wolf, perhaps).
2. There was more nudity.
3. Any of the characters had an ounce of depth.
4. Monkeys.
5. Maybe a wizard.

*****

If you'd like to see a really amazing good movie, let me direct you to Inception. It twists your brain up quite nicely and ends perfectly.

Some movie makers are Michelangelos and other make movies with talking chihuahuas.

I like my guys smart. So many witty, smart, hot, TALENTED actors in here.

Things that made this movie awesome (besides hot guys):

1. Great tight dialogue. No blah blah blah, did you get that stupid audience?? We said BLAH BLAH BLAH!

2. Brilliant acting. Good characters we care about; relationships; interactions; humor. Reality.

3. Freaking awesome special effects. I thought, "Wow, I know those are special effects, but they are awesome AND help the plot. Wow. Cool."

4. The excitement of trying to figure things out and never knowing if I did and feeling fine about it.

5. Left the movie with a brain full of ideas and good conversation on the way home.

*****

Toy Story 3 is really good, too. The best part was that the theater we went to had the front row of seat up like 8 feet up so Sagan could run around in the front of the theater and be a noisy brat and I didn't have to miss the most awesome Pixar Movie to date. They always make me cry, those jerks.

Wipe You Own Bum, Dammit.

2010-07-19T04:00:00.002-06:00

Watching a movie with my spouse, a bellow from above:

"BRANDY! I NEED A BUM WIPE! BRAAAAAAAAANDY! I NEEEEED A BUUUM WIPE! BRANDY!"

I should have been offended on a number of levels, but I couldn't stop laughing.

(By the way, all you four year olds: you CAN wipe your own bums.)

I went up stairs and he was in downward-facing-dog pose ... kids are so accommodating, right?

"Wipe your bum."

"I can't. I'm not 5."

"You can. Try."

"Brandy."

"Mrs. Roth. Mom. Mommy."

"Mrs. Roth, wipe my bum."

*****

I think he and I will have a strange relationship in the future.

Sunday Headache

2010-07-18T15:18:00.002-06:00

Often I get a headache on Sunday.

Too much sitting? Too much singing? The organ is kinda loud.

I should start carrying Excedrin around with me. Sorry Body; Brain keeps sending me, "I hurt, waaaah!" messages. Clearly we have an Excedrin shortage in us, but I'll do my best to manage it.

I left after Sacrament meeting to drug up. I am RARELY home alone. Like only a few times a year. It was so quiet and peaceful. I had a fudgicicle. (I think my cells needed that, too. Like the Mitochondria.)

Then, I didn't wanna go back. I wanted peace and quiet and no stress. I totally skipped out on the 2nd hour of church.

But I went back for the third.

It wasn't bad. I helped in Sagan's class. They had too much help.

Still. Home was better.

Sigh.

When Tired, Sleep

2010-07-17T04:00:00.001-06:00

I didn't tell her to go to bed. It was nap time, but who cares about nap time on Saturday. I finished helping Crichton put away Legos and realized she was missing. Just tucked her little self in and went to sleep.

Maybe we figured it out (I blame luck).

Here are my tips for getting a two year old to take a nap all on her own, in the correct place, when she feels sleepy.

Start at birth (their birth or NOW might work).
Never make the bed or bedroom a punishment.
Always make sleep seem like a special gift you want to share with them.
Make their room a quiet sanctuary.
Black Out Curtains are a most brilliant invention (useful for summer daylight saving times problems AND World Wars!).
At night, when they keep getting up, keep putting them back with a little tickle, a little snuggle, and a good night (try not to lose your temper or bring them into your bed). Remember, they miss you and just wanna be with you.
When you notice their behavior is getting bad because of sleep need, point it out to them in a non-accusatory way. Do the same if you notice it in yourself.
A routine helps a lot - signals to the mind and body to prepare to sleep.
Remember, you don't always feel like sleeping and sometimes you need extra sleep. Be flexible and don't stress about a few lost hours one way or the other.
I can't think of a tenth, but I hate to end on a weird number. Counting is good ... I like to have the child cross his/her arms over their chest and I'll run fingers down their arms and count their fingers. Also, rubbing just under the eyebrow and saying "shhhh, close your eyes," works well at school. :)

One fatal mistake I made - sippy cup of milk in the middle of the night once. Doomed! Now almost every night at 2 or 3 ... "Uhwant miiiiiiilk!" We allow the kids to have a water bottle by their bed ... I like a drink at night sometimes, I think they do, too.

Hot Tree onTree Action

2010-07-16T04:00:00.000-06:00

You see it, right? The skinny tree in the middle has his arm around the one on the right? And he's totally jamming something sporky into her. Right? Mother Nature is hot.

I might need more ... um ... less sleep.

It's a Good Question

2010-07-15T04:00:00.000-06:00

"Canon! Why are you naked?!"

"You always ask me that."

He's kind of mostly potty trained, you know. He started school in March and has only had one accident there. Even when we switched to full days.

Here at home, where the toilets are WAAAAAAAAAAY up or down stairs, we are not so lucky. Still. He's not pooping on the floor. Much. So ... thank God for tiny miracles. Tender mercies. All that crap.

Canon is the boss. He tells us so all the time. And because Greg and I are bad parents, when we are sitting at the table and Canon says "I get the last olive because I am the boss!" I say, "Sorry, Crichton, he's the boss."

I'm a jerk.

But pants are not optional! Even for the boss. I mean it.

Future of Motherhood

2010-07-14T14:42:00.000-06:00

At a Montessori school, the children are free to pursue activities that interest them. Children have an inner need, a drive to learn what they want to learn.

We silly adults try to impose upon them what we think they need to know, but I fully believe the kids will learn all they need to with minimal interference.

Sagan was concentrating very hard. Trying to stuff the play microwave with all the babies. She'd stuff them in and try to close the door. The door would open and the babies would vomit out. She spent 10 full minutes on this work, before realizing and accepting that only 4 babies would fit in the microwave at one time. Not 6, not 5, just 4.

What do you think? Six minutes on medium?

The Inner Me

2010-07-13T04:00:00.000-06:00

While looking for yesterday's colon picture, I can across some truly disturbing Internet pictures, to be sure.

Let me give you the link and you decide how strong your tummy is feeling today.

I wanted a pic from like a colonoscopy or something ... then I saw all that crap people where pulling out of their toilets after using some amazing product and I had to do some research. I couldn't find a pic with that much stuff in a live colon ... something stunk.

You see, when I was a little girl, My gramma used to do ear candles. Make a hollow candle out of wax and strips of fabric, light in and hold it over your ear and the fire creates a vacuum that draws your earwax out of your ear.

One day I stole a candle and a match and went out back to experiment. I lit the candle and held it over a piece of plain white paper until it burned down to about 4 inches long. When I moved the candle, there was a small pile of ash. When I cut open the candle there was a bunch of burnt wax that looked EXACTLY like earwax. The candles were bogus.

My theory about the colon cleanse? Its a bunch of crap. Whatever they are pooping out, the long intestine looking mucoid nonsense? Its just a result of the products itself.

These ridiculous colon-cleansing marketing campaigns have led everyone to believe that their colons are full of toxic wastes that need to be cleansed. Nothing is farther from the truth. There is no actual medical science behind colon cleansing http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/colon-c… http://www.everydayhealth.com/blog/zimne…

Yes, your colon is full of bacteria, but at your age, if you're healthy, the large majority of these are "good" bacteria that you need to stay healthy.

How much "junk" is in the average colon at any given time? Unless the person has a colon disorder (such as Hirschsprung's Disease), your colon will contain 1-2 pounds of waste waiting to be excreted. Fecal matter, in a young healthy person, does not hang around in the colon for years.

What's the best way to take care of your colon? Eat foods with fiber and drink plenty of water. This will help your colon maintain its "muscle tone" and greatly reduce your risk of colon cancer

.

I agree with her.

Writing From Rehab

2010-07-12T04:00:00.001-06:00

Thing happens to a girl when she turns thirty something.

My sex drive finally matches Greg's. When we (ahem) were first married. (Don't blog 'bout sex, don't blog 'bout sex ...) [edit]

You notice things in the mirror ... I see wrinkles and freckles which might not be freckles ... I think they are age spots? I have no memory ever of my parents using sunscreen on me ... I do remember lots of too much sun migraines and laying in cool water for bad sunburns.

So ... I paid for rehab.

In fourteen days I should be pretty. On the outside. I guess I should get one of those colon cleanses to go alone with my face thing.

Every girl wants a clean colon.

And smooth soft skin.

The Thing I Learned

2010-07-11T04:00:00.002-06:00

I just ordered my last class.

Been a looooooooong time in the making, my official education.

I started my bachelors degree in August of 1996 at Cornell College in Mt. Vernon, Iowa.

I will finish it as soon humanly possible via BYU Independent Study in 2010.

The best class I took was Psychology 321, but the one you can buy now is not the one I took.

The one I took had no redundant liberal textbook talking about Freud and gay issues (no offense to gay Freudians). It was a compilation of the instructor's invaluable collected knowledge on the topic of Adolescent Psychology. To finish my coursework I have to write a capstone, summarizing and evaluating every course I took for my degree. I am looking forward to reviewing this class above all others.

The one thing I remember from the course ... a study was done to try to determine what factor is most predictive for a child to be successful as an adult. Admittedly, I don't know how they define success or how valid the result are. Its irrelevant. Because I know from the depths of my soul it is TRUTH.

The best indicator of whether or not a child will be successful as an adult is if they parents enjoyed them. As in had fun and wanted to spend time with them. The whole, "well, at least my Mom likes me" thing.

I like my kids*. And further more, they have been much more effective professors in the education of Mrs. B. Roth. Ahhhhh .... they used to be so small .... and helpless ....

*except for the spilling crap all over the floor parts ...

Partial Eclipse of the Moon

2010-07-10T04:00:00.002-06:00

On June 26th, you may recall, there was a partial lunar eclipse. I love the sky, the moon, space, aliens; named my daughter Sagan, for crying out loud.

My plan was to get up at 4:00 am and watch it from the trampoline in the back yard. I really wanted Greg to watch with me, but he was sleepy. Said to wake up when it got good.

So I went out alone and looked up at the beautiful moon. iPhone can't really capture the moon ... alas.

As it turns out, the beginning is the good part. To see that bite start coming out of the moon as it slowly moves across the sky.

At around 6 I think I went inside to wake up Greg. He didn't wanna get up still. I went to Crichton's room, his bed is at the right window.

Greg finally joined us for a minute. Then left again.

Crichton and I watched as the shrinking moon disappeared beyond the horizon. He said he wished I'd let him watch it all. Don't worry sweetie, there's another coming up. In December.

And a total solar eclipse July 11. Just wait til I post those shots on my iPhone.

Call In Sick

2010-07-09T09:45:00.001-06:00

I might. I just might. Let me tell ya what today (Thursday) was like.

Five 2 year olds, 3 mostly "normalized" (as much as I think they can get). One super sensitive. One grieving, pacifier addicted, blankie addicted, daddy addicted newbie on day #5.

I get my kids up to our room with the help of my untrained, unpaid, very helpful T.A., Crichton (Thank God every day for that kid!), and 4 of 5 girls go to work, one wants to be sad and cry (she doesn't like me at all because I have to help her learn the rules in class while all the other adults she encounters at school just want to help her feel safe and be quiet). Eventually, it was calm. Everyone working, Mrs. Roth had things under control and decided to change diapers and proceed to circle time and snacks.

Crichton's friend M- calls up to him about some cool activity they are doing. Crichton leaves me.

"Wait ... just a minute ... diapers ..." sigh.

Things were calm ... but 5 against 1. I called for preemptive back up.

Preemptive back-up was on an errand for the boss.

(Mental expletive)

Ok. Diaper #1 is full, but all goes well.

During Diaper #2, Sagan and sad girl (A-) start fighting over dolls. "NO! MINE!" precedes the crying, which is quickly followed by screaming. Little girls scream SOOO effing much!

It was downhill from there, folks.

And it leaves me, at the end of the day feeling incompetent. I'm ashamed that I can't keep them and everything together. It's just 5 little kids. But can any one person mind 5 toddlers alone in a school setting? I'm not a bad teacher, right? There's on;y so much one person can do. Kept everyone alive. Unmaimed even. Day was a success.

Took an extra 10 minutes at nap time to watch them breath peacefully.

And felt guilty about it.

Boss was supposed to go to staff meeting, but he had to "run", so it was just me and the directress. I complained and asked for her advice on how to make it run smoother. We put some stairs in my room for climbing. She said if I burn out, I should go to another school; any other place would take better care of me. This was her school and it was bought by a nice guy who is very concerned about bottom lines, just as a business man should be. He added the toddler room before he really had the space set up properly because he had a bunch of customers asking for it. He has 17 two year olds lined up for Fall. And plans to hire another teacher.

Update ... took Friday off. Sorry. Well ... actually, I'm not. Listening to good music and sipping soda as my Motessori'ed kids do the work here at home that interests them. And I have until Monday to recoop.

Exhale.

:)

Brandy's Opinion On Day Care From A New POV

2010-07-06T17:19:00.003-06:00

So. I kinda work as a daycare provider now, I suppose. Technically, I am the Teacher of Two Year Old Children ... but we all know two year old children don't need a teacher; they just need a referee to keep the fights clean and a person to kiss their boo boos when they disagree with gravity (Sincerely, this should be mom or dad ... ).

The theory behind a Montessori Education is that young children have absorbent minds. They learn by interacting with their environment. We provide them a stimulating environment and let them have at it. They learn. It works surprisingly well. Once the children "normalize".

Oh how parents want to believe that a few minutes after they leave, their kids are happily learning.

It takes weeks for some of them to get over the grief of parental abandonment.

I can't believe how many parents take a quick tour, buy the pitch, sign their kid up, and drop her off the next day. Alone. To the mercy of strangers.

From a business stand point, it's great and fine. Cha-ching: success

As a parent, it hurts my heart. I'm not their mommy. They want mommy. Eventually, they give up on mommy and trust me to be there.

If you're putting your beloved child in full-time day care, take a week off work and go with them. Get to know all the teachers, the routines, the expectations and requirements. See how the teachers treats the kids; make sure you approve. Watch how nap time goes. Observe closely and listen to your heart.

Your baby grieves for you. She has no idea when or if you will ever come back for her. Don't lie to yourself; it's not good for her - it hurts her a lot.

Better yet, volunteer at school as often as possible, permanently if possible. It's nice to watch your child thrive in a stimulating environment. Just keep in mind, they can't progress until they feel safe and you dumping them off ... yeah.

:(

2010-06-28T20:36:00.002-06:00

Hard day.

Screaming kids at school, no extra help.

Can of cocoa at home; all over the floor.

Want love and companionship ... well - we have each other.

Gimme a break.