Front Row Seat

Front row seats are hard to come by. Best seats in the house. Right up where the action is.

Last week, we were late for church, but Canon was insistent we sit in the chapel, not in the lobby. I saw a half empty pew in the middle, so, Mama Duck Roth, I took the lead and went in.

When I got to the row, someone had left their scripture bag in the middle of the space, the classic Mormon way of saying "THESE SEATS ARE SAVED, MOVE ALONG."

Now, the sacrament hymn was almost over, there was no 5 person space available, but then I noticed the entire front left pew was open. I scurried over, asked the 2nd row guy if anyone was sitting there.

"Nope." 

Hallelujah! God Be Praised.

I got my monkeys situated, then realized: we left the bag in the lobby.

NOOOOOO!!!!

The bag has the snacks, the books, the activities. WE ARE ON THE FRONT ROW WITH THREE KIDS AND NO ACTIVITIES!!!!!

I whisper to Crichton, "We left the bag out there, can you go get it?"

He reverently walks out.

And comes back EMPTY HANDED.

"I looked everywhere, its not in the car, mom!"

"Nonono, it by the couch in the lobby!"

"You didn't tell me that,"

"See if you can find it, please."

He gets it. All goes well. In fact, my kids, sitting on the left front pew, may have been the best behaved they have ever been at a church meeting. Maybe they are growing up. Maybe they knew everyone and Jesus was watching them.

Today we skipped church tho. Nevertheless, they are still being very, very good kids. I kind of like these guys. I enjoy hanging out with them as they go about their business.

Anyway, I saythesethingsinthenameofJesusChrist - Amen.

Sometimes

Sometimes I look at the little weather application on my iGoogle thingy and it says 37 and snowing and I freak out for a second, but then I realize that is the Utah weather and I scroll down a smidge.

73 and Sunny.

Ahh. That's more like it.

*sips lemonade*

Three out of Five units submitted on my last class. April 1st deadline. Giant Thesis Class can now be ordered.

Go Brandy Go!

I Think ...

I think I am gonna actually finish that Bachelors degree I started way back in August of 1996 at Cornell (the one in Iowa).

For shame, my BYU credits expire in April. That's soon. I've had just one class to go for EVER.

And I finished the first of five units for that class on Sunday. I'm submitting it today. I'm procrastinating that right now.

But alas ... I think I will not be flying to Utah and "walk" (the email BYU sent asking if I was gonna "walk" had "walk" in parenthesis. Perhaps they think 32 is getting old and feeble and I might need to "wheelchair", but I am yet very spry and limber, BYU. I could "walk" if I so desired. By Jingo. I can "walk." But I won't).

Don't cry for me Argentina. It's ok. I just need the degree. I'll party it up here. I'll celebrate with karaoke. You can still send gifts.

If I finish.

Better get to work tho, huh.

Ok, byee.

My Funny Kids

It's long been my goal to raise my children to become people who are entertaining to me. So far, it's been a HUGE success. Let's make a list, because I like lists. I'm listy.

1. Canon's obsession with bodily functions, mostly defecation, but sometimes urination, also. I can't think of the last time he uttered a sentence that did not include "poopy-head", "poop-face", "I'll poop on you", "You pooped in your pants", "I smell poop", "I farted", "I saw a big fat gas bubble come out of your bum", "O-poop" (instead of OK), "A-poop" (instead of amen), or, "I love you, poop". Yes, it's naughty, dammit, but it makes me laugh. He's so inappropriate.

2. Crichton's completely fictitious Journal and Diary. Monday's entry:

Today my mom was snuggling me and said "Be Happy with what you have, D-A-M-M-I-T!

It includes an illustration.

The next entry, also dated "Monday."

Today I was teased by Canon. He was NAKED!

(also includes an illustration.)

He leaves this book lying around. I found it on the couch ... I'm pretty sure he wants us to read it. I don't think I said what he said I said.

3. Sagan's maternal instincts. Sagan things everything is a baby and every baby needs a blanket and a pillow. In the kitchen, she will take cans of food out of the pantry and lay them lovingly on dishtowels, a pot holder for a pillow, and cover them with more dishtowels. Sometimes, one of the cans will start "crying"; she will pick it up and say, "I know, I know, shh shh, shh."

4. Sagan's sense of humor. Oh my goodness. You have never seen anyone who finds the world as hilarious as Sagan does. She has a scrunchy-face-twinkly-eyes smile that proceeds an high pitched, mega decibel guffaw. Canon says "poop" = she laughs. Mommy says anything, she laughs and says, "You funny, Mommy!" We pretend to tickle her, she giggles and squirms uncontrollably. If daddy makes an inappropriate comment like, "I'll shake your soda can," She laughs as tho she understands.

5. Lectures by Professor Crichton. Like father like son. Who cares if it's true or not, as long as you SOUND like an authority.

6. Morality by Pope Crichton. Mostly it involves defining which words are bad, how they are spelled, and when, if ever, they can be used appropriately.

7. Canon-no-pants. I appreciate that Canon tolerates wearing clothes at school, but as soon as he comes home, *whistle sound* off go the pants. I buy him boxer briefs ... tighy whities make me a little uncomfortable. And when he is very, very mad, like devastated, like video game privileges have been revoked, he literally strips off all his clothes in anger. (maybe that journal entry about Canon was true ...).

10. Sagan talks. I love how she puts her thoughts together. I love how she construes sentences. I love her tiny little guts out.

Just Trying Something ...

Canoe Song by Mrs. B. Roth

If this works, its my a little song I like to sing. Cuz Imma singer. In a band. Yeah.