Missing Him

Husband has been away all week. This is the longest he has ever left me, in fact. Being the Left-behinder, I've had time to think at night (because I don't know how to turn on my own damn TV).

I have not yet decided, but I think maybe I miss the him of about 14 years ago more than I miss the him that isn't here right now.

That guy knew how to smooch on a girl until she believed in Santa. That guy would walk and talk about everything all night, just to be in my presence. That guy wanted to touch me, would persistently put his hand on my leg even after being repeatedly told, "Please don't touch me, it makes me nervous." I truly felt wanted back then.

The guy I'm missing now, he ... he is very sensible. And efficient. He is good and noble and righteous. He needs a lot of nagging (and he hates when I write about him ...) and I really hate nagging. Yes, I prefer everyone read my mind, and when they utterly fail to do so, even after 13 years of marriage, well, then I shout and stomp and say mean things. Then apologize. (But really, he should be telepathic by now, doncha think?!)

I wonder what he misses about the girl I was about 14 years ago. I'm sure he prefers that I don't cry every time we disagree about something, but I don't think he likes how I stop talking completely when I'm tired of arguing. I used to be more coy, shy, hesitant ... my thirties have been a bit liberating; I think he liked the chase. Was I always this bossy? This brassy? This brazen?

I feel a need ... something.

I wish he was here.