My Funny Kids

It's long been my goal to raise my children to become people who are entertaining to me. So far, it's been a HUGE success. Let's make a list, because I like lists. I'm listy.

1. Canon's obsession with bodily functions, mostly defecation, but sometimes urination, also. I can't think of the last time he uttered a sentence that did not include "poopy-head", "poop-face", "I'll poop on you", "You pooped in your pants", "I smell poop", "I farted", "I saw a big fat gas bubble come out of your bum", "O-poop" (instead of OK), "A-poop" (instead of amen), or, "I love you, poop". Yes, it's naughty, dammit, but it makes me laugh. He's so inappropriate.

2. Crichton's completely fictitious Journal and Diary. Monday's entry:

Today my mom was snuggling me and said "Be Happy with what you have, D-A-M-M-I-T!

It includes an illustration.

The next entry, also dated "Monday."

Today I was teased by Canon. He was NAKED!

(also includes an illustration.)

He leaves this book lying around. I found it on the couch ... I'm pretty sure he wants us to read it. I don't think I said what he said I said.

3. Sagan's maternal instincts. Sagan things everything is a baby and every baby needs a blanket and a pillow. In the kitchen, she will take cans of food out of the pantry and lay them lovingly on dishtowels, a pot holder for a pillow, and cover them with more dishtowels. Sometimes, one of the cans will start "crying"; she will pick it up and say, "I know, I know, shh shh, shh."

4. Sagan's sense of humor. Oh my goodness. You have never seen anyone who finds the world as hilarious as Sagan does. She has a scrunchy-face-twinkly-eyes smile that proceeds an high pitched, mega decibel guffaw. Canon says "poop" = she laughs. Mommy says anything, she laughs and says, "You funny, Mommy!" We pretend to tickle her, she giggles and squirms uncontrollably. If daddy makes an inappropriate comment like, "I'll shake your soda can," She laughs as tho she understands.

5. Lectures by Professor Crichton. Like father like son. Who cares if it's true or not, as long as you SOUND like an authority.

6. Morality by Pope Crichton. Mostly it involves defining which words are bad, how they are spelled, and when, if ever, they can be used appropriately.

7. Canon-no-pants. I appreciate that Canon tolerates wearing clothes at school, but as soon as he comes home, *whistle sound* off go the pants. I buy him boxer briefs ... tighy whities make me a little uncomfortable. And when he is very, very mad, like devastated, like video game privileges have been revoked, he literally strips off all his clothes in anger. (maybe that journal entry about Canon was true ...).

10. Sagan talks. I love how she puts her thoughts together. I love how she construes sentences. I love her tiny little guts out.