BE WARNED!

This is the warning label on my storage boxes.

Thank you manufacturers: I will be careful not to put babies that are too big for the box in these boxes!

Because then they won't close properly. And you can't stack them safely.

That was a close one.

Summer Movies: Brandy Gets Out of The House Occasionally

I dragged my dear old husband to the sparkle vamp movie. I got elbowed for laughing too much. It was like every scene, the director said, "Now, show me INTENSE!" and they did.

And for the record ... I am 100% team Jacob. Wow. Holy Wow. Grrrrr. Rawwwr. Who wants Mr. Frigid when Mr. Naked with a Sense of Humor and a Pulse is there??? Seriously.

This movie would have been better if:

1. There were more musical numbers (the song Hungry Like the Wolf, perhaps).
2. There was more nudity.
3. Any of the characters had an ounce of depth.
4. Monkeys.
5. Maybe a wizard.

*****

If you'd like to see a really amazing good movie, let me direct you to Inception. It twists your brain up quite nicely and ends perfectly.

Some movie makers are Michelangelos and other make movies with talking chihuahuas.

I like my guys smart. So many witty, smart, hot, TALENTED actors in here.

Things that made this movie awesome (besides hot guys):

1. Great tight dialogue. No blah blah blah, did you get that stupid audience?? We said BLAH BLAH BLAH!

2. Brilliant acting. Good characters we care about; relationships; interactions; humor. Reality.

3. Freaking awesome special effects. I thought, "Wow, I know those are special effects, but they are awesome AND help the plot. Wow. Cool."

4. The excitement of trying to figure things out and never knowing if I did and feeling fine about it.

5. Left the movie with a brain full of ideas and good conversation on the way home.


*****

Toy Story 3 is really good, too. The best part was that the theater we went to had the front row of seat up like 8 feet up so Sagan could run around in the front of the theater and be a noisy brat and I didn't have to miss the most awesome Pixar Movie to date. They always make me cry, those jerks.

Wipe You Own Bum, Dammit.

Watching a movie with my spouse, a bellow from above:

"BRANDY! I NEED A BUM WIPE! BRAAAAAAAAANDY! I NEEEEED A BUUUM WIPE! BRANDY!"

I should have been offended on a number of levels, but I couldn't stop laughing.

(By the way, all you four year olds: you CAN wipe your own bums.)

I went up stairs and he was in downward-facing-dog pose ... kids are so accommodating, right?

"Wipe your bum."

"I can't. I'm not 5."

"You can. Try."

"Brandy."

"Mrs. Roth. Mom. Mommy."

"Mrs. Roth, wipe my bum."

*****

I think he and I will have a strange relationship in the future.

Sunday Headache

Often I get a headache on Sunday.

Too much sitting? Too much singing? The organ is kinda loud.

I should start carrying Excedrin around with me. Sorry Body; Brain keeps sending me, "I hurt, waaaah!" messages. Clearly we have an Excedrin shortage in us, but I'll do my best to manage it.

I left after Sacrament meeting to drug up. I am RARELY home alone. Like only a few times a year. It was so quiet and peaceful. I had a fudgicicle. (I think my cells needed that, too. Like the Mitochondria.)

Then, I didn't wanna go back. I wanted peace and quiet and no stress. I totally skipped out on the 2nd hour of church.

But I went back for the third.

It wasn't bad. I helped in Sagan's class. They had too much help.

Still. Home was better.

Sigh.

When Tired, Sleep

I didn't tell her to go to bed. It was nap time, but who cares about nap time on Saturday. I finished helping Crichton put away Legos and realized she was missing. Just tucked her little self in and went to sleep.

Maybe we figured it out (I blame luck).

Here are my tips for getting a two year old to take a nap all on her own, in the correct place, when she feels sleepy.

1. Start at birth (their birth or NOW might work).
2. Never make the bed or bedroom a punishment.
3. Always make sleep seem like a special gift you want to share with them.
4. Make their room a quiet sanctuary.
5. Black Out Curtains are a most brilliant invention (useful for summer daylight saving times problems AND World Wars!).
6. At night, when they keep getting up, keep putting them back with a little tickle, a little snuggle, and a good night (try not to lose your temper or bring them into your bed). Remember, they miss you and just wanna be with you.
7. When you notice their behavior is getting bad because of sleep need, point it out to them in a non-accusatory way. Do the same if you notice it in yourself.
8. A routine helps a lot - signals to the mind and body to prepare to sleep.
9. Remember, you don't always feel like sleeping and sometimes you need extra sleep. Be flexible and don't stress about a few lost hours one way or the other.
10. I can't think of a tenth, but I hate to end on a weird number. Counting is good ... I like to have the child cross his/her arms over their chest and I'll run fingers down their arms and count their fingers. Also, rubbing just under the eyebrow and saying "shhhh, close your eyes," works well at school. :)
    

One fatal mistake I made - sippy cup of milk in the middle of the night once. Doomed! Now almost every night at 2 or 3 ... "Uhwant miiiiiiilk!" We allow the kids to have a water bottle by their bed ... I like a drink at night sometimes, I think they do, too.

Hot Tree onTree Action

You see it, right? The skinny tree in the middle has his arm around the one on the right? And he's totally jamming something sporky into her. Right? Mother Nature is hot.

I might need more ... um ... less sleep.

It's a Good Question

"Canon! Why are you naked?!"

"You always ask me that."

He's kind of mostly potty trained, you know. He started school in March and has only had one accident there. Even when we switched to full days.

Here at home, where the toilets are WAAAAAAAAAAY up or down stairs, we are not so lucky. Still. He's not pooping on the floor. Much. So ... thank God for tiny miracles. Tender mercies. All that crap.

Canon is the boss. He tells us so all the time. And because Greg and I are bad parents, when we are sitting at the table and Canon says "I get the last olive because I am the boss!" I say, "Sorry, Crichton, he's the boss."

I'm a jerk.

But pants are not optional! Even for the boss. I mean it.

Future of Motherhood

At a Montessori school, the children are free to pursue activities that interest them. Children have an inner need, a drive to learn what they want to learn.

We silly adults try to impose upon them what we think they need to know, but I fully believe the kids will learn all they need to with minimal interference.

Sagan was concentrating very hard. Trying to stuff the play microwave with all the babies. She'd stuff them in and try to close the door. The door would open and the babies would vomit out. She spent 10 full minutes on this work, before realizing and accepting that only 4 babies would fit in the microwave at one time. Not 6, not 5, just 4.

What do you think? Six minutes on medium?

The Inner Me

While looking for yesterday's colon picture, I can across some truly disturbing Internet pictures, to be sure.

Let me give you the link and you decide how strong your tummy is feeling today.

I wanted a pic from like a colonoscopy or something ... then I saw all that crap people where pulling out of their toilets after using some amazing product and I had to do some research. I couldn't find a pic with that much stuff in a live colon ... something stunk.

You see, when I was a little girl, My gramma used to do ear candles. Make a hollow candle out of wax and strips of fabric, light in and hold it over your ear and the fire creates a vacuum that draws your earwax out of your ear.

One day I stole a candle and a match and went out back to experiment. I lit the candle and held it over a piece of plain white paper until it burned down to about 4 inches long. When I moved the candle, there was a small pile of ash. When I cut open the candle there was a bunch of burnt wax that looked EXACTLY like earwax. The candles were bogus.

My theory about the colon cleanse? Its a bunch of crap. Whatever they are pooping out, the long intestine looking mucoid nonsense? Its just a result of the products itself.

These ridiculous colon-cleansing marketing campaigns have led everyone to believe that their colons are full of toxic wastes that need to be cleansed. Nothing is farther from the truth. There is no actual medical science behind colon cleansing http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/colon-c… http://www.everydayhealth.com/blog/zimne…

Yes, your colon is full of bacteria, but at your age, if you're healthy, the large majority of these are "good" bacteria that you need to stay healthy.

How much "junk" is in the average colon at any given time? Unless the person has a colon disorder (such as Hirschsprung's Disease), your colon will contain 1-2 pounds of waste waiting to be excreted. Fecal matter, in a young healthy person, does not hang around in the colon for years.

What's the best way to take care of your colon? Eat foods with fiber and drink plenty of water. This will help your colon maintain its "muscle tone" and greatly reduce your risk of colon cancer

.


I agree with her.

Writing From Rehab

Thing happens to a girl when she turns thirty something.

My sex drive finally matches Greg's. When we (ahem) were first married. (Don't blog 'bout sex, don't blog 'bout sex ...) [edit]

You notice things in the mirror ... I see wrinkles and freckles which might not be freckles ... I think they are age spots? I have no memory ever of my parents using sunscreen on me ... I do remember lots of too much sun migraines and laying in cool water for bad sunburns.

So ... I paid for rehab.

In fourteen days I should be pretty. On the outside. I guess I should get one of those colon cleanses to go alone with my face thing.

Every girl wants a clean colon.

And smooth soft skin.

The Thing I Learned

I just ordered my last class.

Been a looooooooong time in the making, my official education.

I started my bachelors degree in August of 1996 at Cornell College in Mt. Vernon, Iowa.

I will finish it as soon humanly possible via BYU Independent Study in 2010.

The best class I took was Psychology 321, but the one you can buy now is not the one I took.

The one I took had no redundant liberal textbook talking about Freud and gay issues (no offense to gay Freudians). It was a compilation of the instructor's invaluable collected knowledge on the topic of Adolescent Psychology. To finish my coursework I have to write a capstone, summarizing and evaluating every course I took for my degree. I am looking forward to reviewing this class above all others.

The one thing I remember from the course ... a study was done to try to determine what factor is most predictive for a child to be successful as an adult. Admittedly, I don't know how they define success or how valid the result are. Its irrelevant. Because I know from the depths of my soul it is TRUTH.

The best indicator of whether or not a child will be successful as an adult is if they parents enjoyed them. As in had fun and wanted to spend time with them. The whole, "well, at least my Mom likes me" thing.

I like my kids*. And further more, they have been much more effective professors in the education of Mrs. B. Roth. Ahhhhh .... they used to be so small .... and helpless ....

*except for the spilling crap all over the floor parts ...

Partial Eclipse of the Moon

On June 26th, you may recall, there was a partial lunar eclipse. I love the sky, the moon, space, aliens; named my daughter Sagan, for crying out loud.

My plan was to get up at 4:00 am and watch it from the trampoline in the back yard. I really wanted Greg to watch with me, but he was sleepy. Said to wake up when it got good.

So I went out alone and looked up at the beautiful moon. iPhone can't really capture the moon ... alas.

As it turns out, the beginning is the good part. To see that bite start coming out of the moon as it slowly moves across the sky.

At around 6 I think I went inside to wake up Greg. He didn't wanna get up still. I went to Crichton's room, his bed is at the right window.

Greg finally joined us for a minute. Then left again.



Crichton and I watched as the shrinking moon disappeared beyond the horizon. He said he wished I'd let him watch it all. Don't worry sweetie, there's another coming up. In December.

And a total solar eclipse July 11. Just wait til I post those shots on my iPhone.

Call In Sick

I might. I just might. Let me tell ya what today (Thursday) was like.

Five 2 year olds, 3 mostly "normalized" (as much as I think they can get). One super sensitive. One grieving, pacifier addicted, blankie addicted, daddy addicted newbie on day #5.

I get my kids up to our room with the help of my untrained, unpaid, very helpful T.A., Crichton (Thank God every day for that kid!), and 4 of 5 girls go to work, one wants to be sad and cry (she doesn't like me at all because I have to help her learn the rules in class while all the other adults she encounters at school just want to help her feel safe and be quiet). Eventually, it was calm. Everyone working, Mrs. Roth had things under control and decided to change diapers and proceed to circle time and snacks.

Crichton's friend M- calls up to him about some cool activity they are doing. Crichton leaves me.

"Wait ... just a minute ... diapers ..." sigh.

Things were calm ... but 5 against 1. I called for preemptive back up.

Preemptive back-up was on an errand for the boss.

(Mental expletive)

Ok. Diaper #1 is full, but all goes well.

During Diaper #2, Sagan and sad girl (A-) start fighting over dolls. "NO! MINE!" precedes the crying, which is quickly followed by screaming. Little girls scream SOOO effing much!

It was downhill from there, folks.

And it leaves me, at the end of the day feeling incompetent. I'm ashamed that I can't keep them and everything together. It's just 5 little kids. But can any one person mind 5 toddlers alone in a school setting? I'm not a bad teacher, right? There's on;y so much one person can do. Kept everyone alive. Unmaimed even. Day was a success.

Took an extra 10 minutes at nap time to watch them breath peacefully.

And felt guilty about it.

Boss was supposed to go to staff meeting, but he had to "run", so it was just me and the directress. I complained and asked for her advice on how to make it run smoother. We put some stairs in my room for climbing. She said if I burn out, I should go to another school; any other place would take better care of me. This was her school and it was bought by a nice guy who is very concerned about bottom lines, just as a business man should be. He added the toddler room before he really had the space set up properly because he had a bunch of customers asking for it. He has 17 two year olds lined up for Fall. And plans to hire another teacher.

Update ... took Friday off. Sorry. Well ... actually, I'm not. Listening to good music and sipping soda as my Motessori'ed kids do the work here at home that interests them. And I have until Monday to recoop.

Exhale.

:)

Brandy's Opinion On Day Care From A New POV

So. I kinda work as a daycare provider now, I suppose. Technically, I am the Teacher of Two Year Old Children ... but we all know two year old children don't need a teacher; they just need a referee to keep the fights clean and a person to kiss their boo boos when they disagree with gravity (Sincerely, this should be mom or dad ... ).

The theory behind a Montessori Education is that young children have absorbent minds. They learn by interacting with their environment. We provide them a stimulating environment and let them have at it. They learn. It works surprisingly well. Once the children "normalize".

Oh how parents want to believe that a few minutes after they leave, their kids are happily learning.

It takes weeks for some of them to get over the grief of parental abandonment.

I can't believe how many parents take a quick tour, buy the pitch, sign their kid up, and drop her off the next day. Alone. To the mercy of strangers.

From a business stand point, it's great and fine. Cha-ching: success

As a parent, it hurts my heart. I'm not their mommy. They want mommy. Eventually, they give up on mommy and trust me to be there.

If you're putting your beloved child in full-time day care, take a week off work and go with them. Get to know all the teachers, the routines, the expectations and requirements. See how the teachers treats the kids; make sure you approve. Watch how nap time goes. Observe closely and listen to your heart.

Your baby grieves for you. She has no idea when or if you will ever come back for her. Don't lie to yourself; it's not good for her - it hurts her a lot.

Better yet, volunteer at school as often as possible, permanently if possible. It's nice to watch your child thrive in a stimulating environment. Just keep in mind, they can't progress until they feel safe and you dumping them off ... yeah.