I'm Afraid of Monsters, But Not Ghosts

When I was about 8 or 9 or 10, I was co-president of this paranormal detective agency called P.D.I. (Private Detective Investigators). We looked into local cases involving neighborhood witches, mysterious pieces of seemingly random trash, weird sounds, out-of-body experiences, and, of course, hauntings. Then, my teammate complained of nightmares and her parents forced us into retirement. That's when we started translating the hieroglyphics in the Pearl of Great Price.

We were pretty brave though. Witches are scary.

But that was up in Idaho.

Texas is different. I am afraid to go outside at night, at 30 something years of age, because a big cicada flew at me my second night here in Texas.

They buzz ominously. I caught* the one who attacked me, but the rest are still out there. Weee-oooo, weeee-oooo. (Shuddering).

*Right, and for clarity, by "caught" I mean he flew in, I screamed, hid under my blankets all night, and found his carcass days later. Semantics. Doesn't he look pretty framed?