So. I kinda work as a daycare provider now, I suppose. Technically, I am the Teacher of Two Year Old Children ... but we all know two year old children don't need a teacher; they just need a referee to keep the fights clean and a person to kiss their boo boos when they disagree with gravity (Sincerely, this should be mom or dad ... ).
The theory behind a Montessori Education is that young children have absorbent minds. They learn by interacting with their environment. We provide them a stimulating environment and let them have at it. They learn. It works surprisingly well. Once the children "normalize".
Oh how parents want to believe that a few minutes after they leave, their kids are happily learning.
It takes weeks for some of them to get over the grief of parental abandonment.
I can't believe how many parents take a quick tour, buy the pitch, sign their kid up, and drop her off the next day. Alone. To the mercy of strangers.
From a business stand point, it's great and fine. Cha-ching: success
As a parent, it hurts my heart. I'm not their mommy. They want mommy. Eventually, they give up on mommy and trust me to be there.
If you're putting your beloved child in full-time day care, take a week off work and go with them. Get to know all the teachers, the routines, the expectations and requirements. See how the teachers treats the kids; make sure you approve. Watch how nap time goes. Observe closely and listen to your heart.
Your baby grieves for you. She has no idea when or if you will ever come back for her. Don't lie to yourself; it's not good for her - it hurts her a lot.
Better yet, volunteer at school as often as possible, permanently if possible. It's nice to watch your child thrive in a stimulating environment. Just keep in mind, they can't progress until they feel safe and you dumping them off ... yeah.
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Aw, sad! So do you feel that all children have that grief, or that it varies by child? I worked part-time until I had three babies, and it just depended on which child it was that had a hard time. My oldest is a total mama's girl, and my job was working at her preschool, so she didn't need to go anywhere. My second loved her babysitter's house, she would yell and scream when I came to get her, telling me to go away.
But two-year-olds? That is a little young for school. I'm sorry. And I know, no one can replace mama :)
So far as I can tell, they all have it to varying degrees. One kid took a week to adjust to the point where she just comes into class and starts working. Another, it's bee 5 weeks and she throws herself to the floor and wails for 15-20 in the morning until I can distract her and then periodically throughout the day in response to ... everything :).
Two years old is an amazing time of independence and discovery ... I would highly recommend "school" for them where school = a few hours a day at a place with mommy in a stimulating environment.
Amen! It's so easy to rationalize putting your kids in day care, saying that you "have to" work. what are you working for? A nicer house? More knick knacks? An extra car? I know that some people are single parents (though that is a whole other topic). As someone who works with children who have been neglected or abandoned by their parents, or even just put in day care, I can see the long term consequences.
I can still remember not wanting to go to pre-school/nursery school. I would try to hide on the floor of the car. Sometimes, I would make my father stay for a while before he went on to the office. That isn't to say I never enjoyed being there. There were toys, and trikes, after all. However, my mother had another baby to deal with and I'm sure it helped HER to have me out of her hair.
On the other hand, I was apparently willing enough to go to kindergarten that I walked there. Remember those days - when five year old kids could walk alone several suburban blocks to school? Hmmm. Maybe my parents were trying to get rid of me. After all, they had another newborn by then.
Now that I'm the parent, my wife, a SAHM, told me that our toddlers would look around for me upon waking up.
I've been thinking about this a bit. Being a stay at home mom myself, I'm invested in that system, and I've seen the benefits of it. But with my first child, I went back to work full time when she was 19 months old. She had a hard time the first couple of days I'm sure, she was lucky enough to go to the home of a friend who had a daughter her same age and there were only three children there total. Meaning -- she wasn't in a typical day care situation so my anecdotal writing may not mean much. But -- she seemed okay, still seems okay, still wishes she could go to the sitter's house sometime. Two years after I started working full time, I quit when my second child was born and for the past 20 months have been full time at home. I know being home with infants was the best choice for us. But honestly now that my second child is 20 months, I honestly think he could do well in a child care setting.
You also have to take in consideration that the children you are seeing during the day have lives outside of the class room that may be tumultuous, full of stress, and full of change because of their parents. What you may be seeing in their actions at school may be a reflection of their home lives and not just a transition to being in full-time outside the home care.
Long winded way of saying == shit might be happening at home (and it could be regular every day type of crap, not CPS worthy shit) that is unsettling the kids. I'm sure going to daycare may be the straw that is breaking the camel's back but for some kids, daycare is a breeze.
And I guess I'll keep going --
Because we are SAHM's we are invested in that system and we'll do what we can to perpetuate our place, to make sure we feel like we have value, that we add value to our families. For some SAHMs, it can feel like a blow to that system to see well-adjusted kids at daycare. Kind of like, "hey if kids do fine in day care, what's the point of me staying home?"
We should be happy for children and families who work out a system that seems to work for them and seems to work for both parent and child. We want all kinds of arrangements: full time care, part time, full time parent at home, parents taking turns, etc.
I think you're right Mary.
Every family and kid is different.
I like taking Sagan to school and she like it too. I would send her alone, but she'd probably be fine. I like that when she needs a hug at school, I'm the teacher who can give it.
A small class and a few hours a day seems like a good thing ... I wish more parents would stay and volunteer ... just to observe even. I worry they are happy to dump of their kid and get on with more important things.
Wow, this just seems like a "let's pat ourselves on the back for being stay-at-home-mom's" post. It's pretty presumptive to assume that the parents who put their children in daycare aren't every bit as devastated and full of grief as the children.
It's also pretty presumptive to assume that being a SAHM is best for the children. I know a lot of SAHM's whose children sit on the couch and watch cartoons all day, but I don't use that knowledge to generalize the care of ALL children with SAHMs.
Families have to do what's right for them. Financial necessity may dictate that the mothers have to work. Some mothers choose to work, but they are still fantastic mothers.
Our culture is in a difficult place right now where we are very divided between whether mothers should work or stay home, and it's easy to resort to quick judgements, but we're all in the same boat--just trying to raise our children the best way we know how. We should be working for common goals like paid maternity leave and better schools for all, instead of judging those who make different life choices than us.
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