Sometimes a blog post stays with you for a while. You can't get it out of your head and you know you have to address it yourself.Why do I stay in the church? Why do I even go?
Most of the time, the answer is: I just go for my kids and because my husband
Not the best reasons, maybe.
Sacrament Meetings are really difficult. I can't listen and enjoy the meeting because (1) the talks are usually not very good. "As I was writing this talk last night ... ramble, ramble, blah, blah, blah." And (2) I have to wrangle and bribe my children to keep them quiet. Tho, learning to sit respectfully is a GREAT skill.
Our kids are finally old enough now to go to their own various children's classes, and, since I burnt myself out of Primary, I get to go to the adult classes now (YAY *does a little jig*). There, I ask irrelevant, off topic, bordering on blasphemic questions, but it's interesting. And grown-ups talk with/to/at me. During Relief Society, I sit quietly; I still only know half a dozen ladies.
Why do I go?
What keeps me coming back?
A few smiles and idle chit chat ... that doesn't really bring me closer to God.
There's an upcoming RS meeting on meat cutting ... hmmm.
Once in a while, I get a taste of something. Some scripture or phrase or word ignites my thought processes and I feel a connection to God. Something real, tho intangible. Truth.
Little things I easily forget:
God knows me perfectly.
The most important commandments: Love God; Love one another.
I am perfect, despite my perceived flaws.
God is much kinder and more forgiving than anyone on Earth understands.
And He's funny.
I love to partake in theological discussions with interesting people who can't accept my religion because some things don't work for them. Because Joseph Smith was a terrible business man and seemed to have a few lady friends on the side. Brigham Young was a bigot. Horses. Steel. Elephants. Mountain Meadow. Cover-ups. Blacks and the Priesthood. Women and the Priesthood. Aliens. Pre-mortal life. The After-life. As God is, man may become.
To say nothing of the pomposity, arrogance, and hypocrisy, they think they see. The "not one of us" attitude they feel from LDS neighbors, co-workers, and even family, unfortunately. "You're not LDS, you wouldn't understand."
Why do I go?
Why do I continue to be a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints?
This is what I come up with: The gospel of Jesus Christ, the atonement, all of it is strictly personal. I have to work and struggle and understand it all for myself. Life is hard. It is a very good test, I think. And even though we each have a unique hard test, we can help each other. Church is a weekly study group. No, you don't need to go to study group to pass the test. But it reminds us of pieces we may be unsure of, things we failed to take notes on, parts we need to go home and study better. It gives us a chance to teach the things we think we know (which is the best way to see if you really know it). It gives me a chance to help bear others' burdens and feel my own being lifted. Church is probably the hardest and best place for me to practice being a Christian.
4 aCharity bsuffereth long, and is ckind; charity denvieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, 8 Charity never afaileth...
(1 Corinthians 13:4-8)
I'm going to keep going to church, but I'm going to try to be more charitable to my study buddies there.
7 Brilliant Bits of Inspiration:
Awesome post. I need to be more charitable to my fellow students. thanks for reminding me
I really like the concept of Church but in my discussions I like to have a wide variety of viewpoints speak up. I don't think you get diversity unless you encourage and promote it.
I definitely don't feel comfortable bringing up the points I would want to talk about in church. I admire that you still do. I bet it makes for much more interesting lessons.
I wonder how much of an effect it would have on me just to be able to be honest in church about my spiritual struggles and hear someone say, "Hey, it's cool. Don't worry, we're all just trying to figure this out and we won't get anywhere by hiding all of our real concerns.
I guess I'm really just a coward that likes to gripe.
Along those lines, read this essay.
http://ldsfocuschrist.blogspot.com/2007/10/why-church-as-true-as-gospel-eugene.html
No, really, read it. That's why I go to church.
I'm not LDS (or any kind of "Mormon"), so I will try to leave theology and doctrine out of this and simply address the topic from a "practical" and personal pespective.
There is some benefit to having a regular "club" to attend - a group where you can find support and friendship and offer those things to others. It is also great to join together a group to help others (charity, disaster relief, etc.)
I often feel especially inspired while sitting in church and waiting for things to begin, and sometimes during the sermon. I'm not referring to spiritual inspiration (although that happens, too), but creative inspiration and reflection in general. I have been known to take a sketchbook (looks like a journal, but the pages are blank) along with my Bible so that my notes will have a place to go besides the church bulletin.
As far as the things you don't like... a lot of life is like that, isn't it? This is one area where it can be "easy" for Protestants like me, especially ones living in a major metropolitan area. If we don't like one church for any reason (the music, someone else in the congregation, the teaching style or the theology of the pastor... no matter how serious or how trivial), there is usually no shortage of others places to go, and it isn't hard to start going somewhere else. One of the obvious downsides to this (remember... I'm leaving theology and doctrine out of this) is that someone often isn't held accountable. "Oh, you think I'm doing something wrong? Fine. I'll just go to another church."
As I read your comments on church, it sounds like your are searching for something to hold on to. You have to ask yourself, if you ask questions that you know will stir things up a bit and make it more 'interesting' what are you really trying to do? Are you seeking answers or information? Or, are you attempting to play devil's advocate? If you play that role for very long, it is a role that is easy to become.
My suggestion would be to start searching for the reality of who Christ is and develop a personal relationship with him, one that will be something for you to hold on to. When He becomes real to you, you will know it, and you will never doubt who he is. You will never have to ask yourself, "Why do I go to church" again. Because you will know.
I am just like Chris. I wish I could be honest and it would be ok, because I don't have anything really shocking to say, but I do have questions. Or ideas or things I want to debate. I don't even feel that I am free to talk about what I think when I am with my family. Weird. I wonder what that is.
can I say I LOVE YOU .I so struggle with the "mormon" stuff. I have to remind myself this is the church of JESUS CHRIST of latter-day saints. I worked for the church for a while and let me tell you being Jewish never looked so good.
My testimony of RS is well.. uh.. limp at best . The one and ONLY thing that keeps me going to church is that my relationship with God and Christ is just that MINE . The GOSPEL is true the "church" is a load of CRAP. I dont mean I dont believe pres. Monson is a prophet. It means all the cultural crap that people thing is GOSPEL is a load of crap.
I love you . I love your honesty in how you feel. I feel that I have met a kindred spirit. I will be reading your posts every time yo post it .
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