I Stole Something

Ok. Well, it still Friday Confess Your Guts Out, and you know how I have had an issue with kleptomania in the past, ok ... so ... *exhale* ... I stole an award. I stole it from Wym at Texas Britches and I KNOW they say "Don't Mess with Texas" but I think that's CRAP! What's Texas gonna do? Stupid Texas.

(Please, don't beat me up or shoot me, ok, I'm sorry. I just wanted to do the poop survey and try out the linky thingy again, okay? I love you.)

SO. I stole WON the Beautiful Blogger Award, as it turns out. I feel so fortunate and happy. I work so hard on this silly blog and it's just really nice to get some recognition, y'know?

Such a simple and pretty little award. I think it'll look great on my side bar, don't you?

Anyway. SO this award comes with a poop related survey. I love surveys; I love poop; I AM EXCITED BEYOND WORDS to partake in a poop survey. I am. I really really am. Here we go (*squeak*)!!

1. Toilet Paper: Over or Under.

I don't care. As far as I am concerned they are exactly the same except with one, my kids can unroll the whole roll while sitting on the pot and that makes me mad, but I don't know which way, over or under, and I'm too lazy to think about it.

2. Who replaces the empty roll in your house?

I do. It's my VERY FAVORITE chore! If I change the TP roll, I award myself by taking the rest of the day off! What other task can you do while pooping? (besides checking email and playing scrabble on your iPhone?)

3. What do you use if you run out of toilet paper at home?

Sometimes there is a roll of bounty paper towel under the sinks for washing mirrors (I try to keep all required bathroom cleaning things in every bathroom to encourage myself to clean them, but it doesn't work). If that's not available I will pull off the tiny scraps of TP and wash my hands really good.

4. How many rolls of toilet paper do you have in the house now?

Eight - I failed to change the TP today and knocked a full roll into the toilet while deuglificating myself.

5. What fears did you have as a child regarding using the toilet?

I was scared to ask a teacher if I could go to the bathroom. Rudely bothering people has been a lifelong concern of mine. If I ever become a teacher, people are WELCOME to go when they need. One at a time, of course.

6. Do you leave the door open?

I leave it open, but if I hear someone coming, I close it most of the way.

7. Does your love leave it open?

He shuts it and locks it. Seems suspicious to me. What do you suppose he's trying to hide?

8. Do you always check for toilet paper first in a public stall?

Almost always. Also I prefer a stall that has at least one real wall, so like on an end. It seems safer, somehow.

9. What do you use if you run out of toilet paper in a public restroom?

I would wait until I heard someone and politely ask them to help ... "Dude, could you do me a solid ..." something classy like that. If it got too desperate, I might pull my pants half up and waddle to another stall ...

10. What do you do in a public restroom before sitting down?

I check the seat for pee ... I have little boys, so, you always wanna check first. NOTHING worse than sitting in someone else's urine.

11. Or do you squat?

If it looks dry, I just plop down and get comfy.

12. Do you wait until you are alone in a public restroom?

I can't POOP in a public restroom, but I can pee any old time.

13. Has anything bad or embarrassing happened to you in a public restroom?

WELL. One time I was with a friend playing pool at Al's Pizzeria (this was in 5th grade; she reads the blog). I didn't know WHERE the bathroom was ... pee'ed a little ... maybe a lot ... in my pants. Discovered the bathroom too late. Paper towels didn't help. Oh ... my bladder.

14. Are you pee shy?

Pee is easy peasy.

15. What do/did you do to try to overcome it?

If I get stage fright, I think of waterfalls, rivers, rainstorms, flowing down, down, down, and that usually works.

16. How long did it take you to get over self consciousness with your love being in the room while you sat?

I'm still not ok with that. Unless he's in the shower. Yeah ... we're just not there yet.

17. What do you do, if there is not a toilet around because you are in the country and you just can't wait?

I'd drop Henry on the side of the road ... It's biodegradable ...

18. What would you use to wipe?

We usually have diaper wipes. In fact, I hereby declare: I will always make sure there are diaper wipes in the car in case someone needs to drop Henry on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere.

19. Would you face up hill or down?

I'd be facing up hill or bum to the road. Rather they see my bum than I make eye contact.

20. Have you ever written your name in snow?

Possibly, but not with my own ... ahem ... equipment.


SEE! Wasn't that survey worth my eternal soul? I say it was. HEY ... you have a beautiful blog. Wanna steal an award? Wanna take a poop related survey? Go ahead. It feels SO good! Do it. And if you do, link it, ok? (Because when Texas comes after us I don't wanna be the only one in trouble).