I'm an extraordinarily polite person.I hate to call people on the phone and hesitate to start an instant message conversation for fear of possibly interrupting something more important. I rarely swear (unless the profanity is Biblical ...)
I thought maybe that tendency was a phobia, because I feel really neurotic about my extreme level of politeness, paranoid about my fear of seeming rude, but I didn't find anything on Google, so I think I must be okay.
I might be passing this (definitely NOT a) neurosis on to my kids.
"Mom, I need more milk."
"No. Say, 'O beautiful mother, may I have some more milk, please?'"
"O bootiful mudder, may I pease haf some more milk pease?"
"Of course you may, darling child, and thank you ever so much for asking in such a polite manner."
*****
When I went to BYU, I had these two very tall Ukrainian roommates, who were on the track team. They were NOT model BYU students, but they were fast runners and apparently that means BYU cuts you some slack. I guess you have to get caught to get in trouble ... get it ... runner ... fast ... hahaha. No? Fine. Read on.
One night, Really Tall One tells me, "Do naht lock da doohrs tonight. We will be in late and I cahn't find my keys."
There are always reports of crazy people breaking in, stealing underpants, watching people sleep; really weird stuff. Not to mention your usual raping, beating, and murdering.
But ... she ORDERED me to not lock the door. And I was more afraid of her than the crazies.
I left the door unlocked and my underwear were unmolested.
The next day, Really Tall One says, "Thank you for not locking me out last night."
"Okay, but, you know, we're really not okay with not locking the doors. Could you maybe tell the managers you need a new key? Please? So we're safe."
"Oh, ya. Sure. Haha. You know, in Ukraine, we never say please. In America, you are so, what's da word? Polite. Please this, please that. What a waste of time, ya know?"
"Haha," I laugh in assumed agreement, unable to defend my country. She was really tall.
*****
But try as I might, I can't be rude. Not in a real live interaction. I'm sure people find me rude sometimes, like when I announce they've won an amazing prize on my blog and 2 years later they still haven't received it, even though I've promised to send in several times. But it's completely unintentional. Actually, now I'm really kind of worrying ... ok ... everyone: if I have ever said or done or not said or not done something less than polite and considerate, I am SO sorry. Sincerely. I did not meant to, or I did mean to, or I didn't mean not too. Or I meant not to. Either way ... I will try to be better.
1 Brilliant Bits of Inspiration:
Wow Mrs. B. I can TOTALLY relate to you because I also suffer from extreme politeness syndrome. You can look at it as a good thing or a bad thing.
My wife often gets frustrated that I won't be mean enough to people giving me unsatisfactory service or that I stress too much over the possibility of offending a friend or even someone I just met. I don't know why I punish myself so much over good manners to strangers.
It sounds like you feel that same anxiety about being misunderstood just like myself. But you don't need to feel bad because I think people also feel very comfortable around that personality type. It is very accommodating and accepting. People can have their guard down because they know you are not looking to be critical of them.
It just depends on what you really want. Overly direct or rude people probably get what they want which might be better service in a restaurant but an apologetic/polite person really does not want to add negativity or stress to someone else's life. That's good karma.
Just saying they want to be liked (to a foolish degree) doesn't cover the true intentions behind a very socially polite person. I think the trade-off is in your favor. I wish there were many more overly polite people in the world.
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