I learned this morning that a dear cousin of mine had a severe heart attack and passed away last night, leaving behind his widow and 3 young boys. If you can, think of them in their time of pain and loss. Pray. Pray better prayers than mine tho.
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how can you do this? how is ok? why? it's just mean, cruel, senseless, unfair.
why does life have to be so painful?
i'm crying my guts out, my head hurts, i sob if i sit and think about it for a moment. i can't bear the thought of it and i feel guilty for my agony because it's not even my life you've ... just ... shredded.
the sky is so blue today. my kids are so beautiful and happy. i am in the depths. I've never liked october much.
how can i worship at your feet? how can i sing your praises and adore? i know life goes on, i know things will work out, but why do you have to make it so hard for us? why can't things just be nice? simple.
she doesn't deserve this, y'know. she is a really really good person. this is really not okay with me. this breaks my heart. it's not some random act of violence, some person acting recklessly, this is your hand. this is you.
and if you can be so callous towards her, towards so many good kind innocent people, those sweet little boys, what about me? i am no good. whatever good i do is out of guilt or spite or obligation. how can you do these things when you say you love us? how do you do this to your children? why? i don't understand.
i don't understand you or how this works out or what the point is anymore? what's the point? what happens? really? you know me - i'm a read the ending first kind of girl. i hate surprises. it's exhausting carrying around this hope, arguing for it, fighting for it, and never really knowing if it's going to be useful.
i had faith. strong stand up and testify faith, but this life erodes me. day by day. i do everything i think is right and I still feel so squashed. it seems like i should feel happy and free and light, right? the truth will set you free?? what is the truth?
why?
14 Brilliant Bits of Inspiration:
Oh. My. God. I look at Janet's blog sometimes....I cannot even imagine her pain and yours.
I am so sorry. I am just so sorry.
I am praying for you, for her, for all of them, especially for their children.
I am just so sorry, and I am praying really really hard....for you too, who had to go through the same experience.
You're right. It's not fair....
With hugs and love,
Catherine
I am so so sorry, Brandy. It is so not fair, and I just wish I had something that could make you feel better. Just know I love you, and you're in my prayers. Love you.
I am sorry Brandy, for you and all those who love and lose.
Brandy, I feel so terrible for you and for Janet and those little boys who need their father. I just can't even imagine what Janet must be going through right now.
I know it's hard to understand why something like this would happen. I wish I had the answer but we probably won't know until our own time comes- I guess that is where Faith comes in, no matter what faith you choose. I will keep all of you in my thoughts and prayers.
Brandy,
I think that the true test of our faith occurs when we deal with the illogical and unfair. Life isn't fair. Faith sustains us even when the unthinkable happens. Life goes on. My boys are still eating, still playing, still building, still laughing. Their life has changed, my life has changed- and trust me- we're not happy about it, but we still go forward.
You know that the best thing we can do for Dave is to continue to live and thrive and embody the spirit and heart that he shared with all of us. :-) Fight for independence, argue for freedom, love this planet we live on and the God who created it, and above all else- Love your family! Love your family with all that is in you and share that love with them and everyone else- just like Dave did.
I'm so sorry for everyone who has lost their loved one in this. Death is an enemy. I do not believe this is "natural" in the original sense, and I do not believe He will allow it to go on forever. That doesn't minimize our pain now, for sure.
Wow, Janet, you are quite inspiring. I am in awe.
i'm sorry... hang in there, be as supportive and supported as you can be. . .
I am so sorry! I don't have any great words because, in your shoes, I'd be feeling the same way. I'll pray for them but I doubt my prayers are worth any more than yours (or anyone elses').
Brandy, I think you know the answer to most of these questions. And, believe me I have asked them before myself. Have you been to the temple lately? You should go. Eternal perspective.
Brandy,
I hope you are getting through each day with renewed hope and a little bit of faith. I don't understand the need for the loss of a loved one, especially when it is premature. I know how you feel. I wish I could say that it will all be better soon, but I just don't know when.
Some losses I have experienced were not as emotionally traumatic as others. Some I have finished my mourning, others I haven't. You will find a way to mourn the way you need so that your heart can heal. I promise.
Janet,
You are truly an inspiration. A stronger woman that I perceive myself to be. Thank you
I don't know the individual who passed but I am very sorry for the loss.
I think one of the cruelest things that our religion does is ask us to reconcile tragedies like this with the idea of a loving god.
Lets face it. It's win win for the case for a loving God. When good stuff happens it is a blessing. When bad stuff happens it is a loving trial. Why do so few people admit that they are living in absolute chaos? The real truth is that horrible stuff happens in this world that is not just a result of the free agency of wicked people.
Will god let you be hit by a train, be burned alive, get hit by a car? The worst things imaginable have been an unfortunate reality for some people.
If God loves us it is the abusive boyfriend kind of love. The excuses many people often give to justify horrible events sound like the excuses our neighbor gives to justify her husband beating the crap out of her.
"It's justified if you understand where he is coming from. It's what he needed to do to help me learn"
The idea of a loving God is very useful and comforting until your trial crosses over into the relm of absolute devastating tragedy and then it is no longer useful to believe that a father figure God allowed it to happen. It becomes too painful and even more destructive. Most people don't ever experience this.
This sounds depressing at first but I believe part of you really does love your family more now that you have been given this perspective. We all die. It's the only thing we know for certain will happen to us. Your cousin knew he would die. I think it is important to be present and engaged in our lives and try to not take a moment for granted.
It sounds like this man had the choice opportunity to fall in love and start a family. His time ,though unexpectedly short, was very significant. We are likewise blessed.
Chris and Brandy,
I am pleased to see that some things really do not ever change :-) A good religious debate always gives me energy and is good fun. Seriously.
Please visit me at my blog. I have a response.
Oh, Brandy! I haven't had a chance to read for a while, so I am just catching this now. I'm so, so sorry for your loss. Sending lots of love your way.
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