I keep trying and I will keep trying because that is what one does.But I am having some serious doubts. I am having a hard time seeing how it works, long term.
And what do you do? There is too much at stake. You can't run away. That doesn't work. (does it??)
I tell myself:
- Be grateful. Be more grateful. And then, be even more grateful.
- Have some control. Back to the eating disorder diet. Per diem: One carb, only fruits, veggies, and nuts until we lose another 10.
- And run more. And push-ups.
- Keep the house clean. Make sure the laundry is done, if not all put away.
- Make the bed. Floss the teeth. Lotion the feet. Pray.
- And find nice things to say. Make them up if you have to.
And then there's some high anxiety for me, because I don't enough in my life - bishop wants to visit me tonight. I'm so getting excommunicated, huh?!
Gosh. Now I'm going to sit and stew about it for 6 hours ... why can't they just IM me?
Have I been so terrible?
I don't want to be that blogger who gave it up and still mocks it and talks like she knows what it is really all about. I believe THAT with all my heart. Mental gymnastics and everything. I think I do, anyway. But maybe in a Martin Luther kind of way.
Pronouns are my favorite kinds of words, they really are. IT is my fave. What's your favorite pronoun??
9 Brilliant Bits of Inspiration:
hee hee. sorry to giggle at you, but really, REALLY!! silly YOOU, being my favorite pronoun. takes all the burden off me, you see. :) good luck with the churchman, as my son calls all that sort... of whatever gender, whatever church. i'm sure you're being congratulated for something... (except for the pb&j speech?:) hee hee again. god loves you whatever the reason.
oh my goodness! The bish is coming to your HOUSE??!!! You are in trouble! YW prez here you come!!!
MY favorite pronoun is MY/ME cuz it's all about ME!!
I'm so not pretty enough to be YW prez! I didn't get excommunicated tho, so that should spare my family an ounce of humiliation!
Also, adios my little Sunbeams.
What is going on? And is the comments section of your blog the right place for me to ask that? I am not (provisionally) licensed to practice therapy for nothing..talk to me!!
Hang in there.
I'd like to plead with you to keep blogging regularly, as I like your blog. But it sounds like you are stressed with all you have to do. If blogging helps with the stress. If blogging less helps with your stress, then cut back. Your readers will just have to deal.
I try to make sure my wife gets her online time, which is how she keeps in touch with friends (especially other mommies) across the country. She has so much to do, with our young kids and all. The youngest seems to always want to be at least in her arms, if not on her breast... which is also likes a lot. Like father, like son.
"If blogging helps with the stress." Uh, that should be "If blogging helps with the stress... keep doing it often."
Um, Ken, that last sentence is TMI. Sorry, but it just is.
Brandy, hang in there.
Hey there -- I think it takes a lot more work being ex'ed -- says someone who was Relief Society president while having all of the same feelings and doubts and struggles that you seem to be expressing here. And for a small part I was actually vocal about it while serving in the calling.
I hope the Bishop came with offerings a new calling the will currently fit your needs -- or maybe he came with a respite from the work (a calling) that being an active LDS person requires.
My family just bought a house a couple of months ago which is located across town from our old apartment -- so we had to switch wards. It has been a struggle. My husband was inactive for over a year and a half, didn't bless our infant son, chooses not to take the sacrament (all while I was the RS pres -- that got people talking). He started partially coming to church right before we moved and now that we are in the new ward, he wants to stop again.
I actually really don't mind that he doesn't come. He is trying to figure out his spirituality, his beliefs, his feelings about God and I will support him in his decisions. It is actually a little easier getting to church and having a good experience when he doesn't come because I have more time in the morning to get ready because he gets the kids ready and when we come home he has always made lunch for us. (I partially joke that the secret to a good marriage is an inactive spouse. -- but only if he/she is the helpful, make the lunch type.)
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