Here. Look. I feel stupid talking face to face; I'm an awkward freak. My brain is sluggish, compared to most. I don't like talking on the phone. There's no backspace button on my mouth. I like to type - I like to write. I like to pause, reread, rewrite, edit, fix, find the right words to express myself as accurately as possible.
I'm a verbal stripper.
I am an exhibitionist, but only in writing. I want you to pay very close attention, just not while I am immediately aware of you.
I'll tell you the longings of my heart, but you can't watch me while I do it.
And if this is gone ... this vent, this outlet ... If I can't honestly express the secrets of my soul (censored as they must be be), I'll ... I don't know. I'll wither. Thinking about it makes me want to run away. I am hanging on by a thread. Trying to fake like perfect wife and good mom ... I am neither of those. Here, this: my honest lies ... my vague exactness ... if not here, where?
There is so much more going on .... you don't want to know, do you? That's what it is. You want to believe it's all fine and great, cute pictures and funny stories. You know it's not, but you wish to God it was.
I'm really sorry.
It's so not.
Stop lecturing at me.
The thing is ... you can't pretend to be the ONE whom I can trust, can tell anything, who knows every dark corner (almost) .... you can't be the one who picks and chooses which corners I can illuminate and .......
(You like ellipses? I like ellipses ... all trail off-y. Ellipses are my favorite punctuation. Number two parentheses. Third, is exclamation marks!!!!)
Maybe I am a hypocrite. You can talk about me, it's fine. But make sure I don't find out. You don't have time to listen, but you found time to talk about? You've grown tired of what I have to say, but won't let me talk to people who will fill in for you and listen.
I'll speak for myself, I'll say everything you'll let me say.
No one needs to speak for me.
That's all I really have to say right now.
What's you favorite piece of punctuation???
12 Brilliant Bits of Inspiration:
This is what makes you such an brilliant writer. The reader can feel the pain that you are feeling and can relate to it. This is a post I have wanted to post (in some form or another) a million times. Like "Hey, behind these cute pictures and funny stories, everything is NOT ok".
p.s. My favorite is the semi colon; I dont know how to use it; but I feel pretenious when I do.
Oh delight, punctuation!
Anonymous, I agree. Semicolons can be fun. As a rule, "the main place for putting a semicolon if you are not John Updike [who is dead now anyway] is between two related sentences where there is no conjunction such as 'and' or 'but,' and where a comma would be ungrammatical" (Lynn Truss _Eats, Shoots & Leaves_, 121). It suggests connection between independent clauses. Your example is correct if you exclude the "but."
Don't worry; you won't be pretenious until you do this [sic].
Forgive me. I could not resist. :)
A period for sure. Stop. Silence. Stop. Silence. Underused.
I also like the dash - it's like an ellipsis, but more assertive...less shifty. See? I like to use them both - I'm a flip...flopper.
I like parenthesis too. They help the voices in my head have a voice.
And don't EVEN get me started on the semicolon; I LOVE me some semicolon!!
A well-placed dash always makes me think of Emily Dickinson:
"I dwell in Possibility--"
:)
I too am a fan of the dash -- I used to use the ellipsis a lot... but switched to the dash. Definitely my favorite.
The Emmys have me wishing we gave away awards for best and worst use of punctuation.
For the WORST use of a dash, I'd like to nominate parents in Burley, Idaho who named their daughter "La--a."
(My sister taught this girl in her 3rd grade class). Anyone want to venture a guess how it's pronounced?
I second that nomination. Poor little La--a.
Maybe they meant for her to choose the missing letters when she gets older? Or maybe they took some away because she was bad...
Really you all support this? Wow just WOW.
Anonymous,(comment 10)
Wow..just wow.
anonymous comment 10 - you are stuck in my head. What did I say that was so unsupportable?? Seriously. I'm assuming you don't mean the punctuation bit.
Just trying to get my feelings out so I don't have to sit in them anymore. It's a moment of verbal, emotional vomit and then I feel better. It's my blog, my life, my anxiety, my issues ... you're welcome to stop by and poke around ... but no need to mock my readers (they didn't even say much) ... and why not support the crazy girl in Utah if it keeps her from abandoning the perfect little life chance left at her feet.
You're probably right, but I can't respect you when you don't have the courage to sign a name. Disagree with me, tell me I'm spoiled and self-indulgent. I do it without a pseudonym, publicly ... and you hit the anonymous box and leave your snideness.
I want to say "wow just wow", too (clearly not a fan of commas).
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