Going through some stuff. Brain-wise.
I have had a lot of expressions of concern about my general well being, my eternal soul, even. We're okay. Not to worry.
Can I get your varied and wide opinions on something?
One thing that has REALLY been bothering me was this General Conference talk. It made me outright angry and argumentative when I heard it. Who gets mad at General Conference talks? Honestly, don't we all just sit back and nob our heads? (quick synopsis for the lazy: In a household of faith, there is no need to fear or doubt. Choose to live by faith and not fear.)
Never in my life have I wanted more to debate a General Authority. (Well, maybe once, but I see now that I was wrong that other, completely different time.)
Before hearing this talk, I felt like doubt was normal, natural, and even healthy. Doubt makes me question, study, and test my spiritual hypothesis.
This [highly respected man of God] is suggesting that faith is a gift from God, a reward for obedience. He goes on to tell us, as parents, we must give it to our children. How's that? "Faith is a gift of God bestowed as a reward for personal righteousness" (Bruce R. Mckonkie). Shall we force personal righteousness upon our children? Tape the cupboards closed on fast Sundays to help them understand True righteousness, maybe?
Six destructive D's, he devised for me (who doesn't love alliteration?): doubt, discouragement, distraction, lack of diligence, disobedience, and disbelief.
First is doubt. Doubt is not a principle of the gospel. It does not come from the Light of Christ or the influence of the Holy Ghost. Doubt is a negative emotion related to fear. It comes from a lack of confidence in one’s self or abilities. It is inconsistent with our divine identity as children of God.
Doubt leads to discouragement. Discouragement comes from missed expectations. Chronic discouragement leads to lower expectations, decreased effort, weakened desire, and greater difficulty feeling and following the Spirit (see Preach My Gospel [2004], 10). Discouragement and despair are the very antithesis of faith.
Discouragement leads to distraction, a lack of focus. Distraction eliminates the very focus the eye of faith requires. Discouragement and distraction are two of Satan’s most effective tools, but they are also bad habits.
Distraction leads to a lack of diligence, a reduced commitment to remain true and faithful and to carry on through despite hardship and disappointment. Disappointment is an inevitable part of life, but it need not lead to doubt, discouragement, distraction, or lack of diligence.
If not reversed, this path ultimately leads to disobedience, which undermines the very basis of faith. So often the result is disbelief, the conscious or unconscious refusal to believe.
The scriptures describe disbelief as the state of having chosen to harden one’s heart. It is to be past feeling.
These Six Destructive Ds—doubt, discouragement, distraction, lack of diligence, disobedience, and disbelief—all erode and destroy our faith. We can choose to avoid and overcome them.
And I'm not so blind as to not see myself as a living example of that cycle. And yet, I would not say that my faith in God or the Gospel of Jesus Christ has been eroded.
What do I doubt? I am confused at how I can feel so neglected, despite my hyper-active church attendance. I have been told all my life, I have been teaching children for the better part of a decade that when they choose the right, they will be happy.
And, get ready for the blasphemy, it's not true.
Choosing the Right does not make you happy.
Choosing the right is hard and frustrating. Choosing the right means taking responsibility for your choices and you actions. Choosing the right means not choosing the wrong,even if the wrong seems really fun and exciting.
Perhaps it's a definitions debate ... what is Right? What is Happiness?
Right is bending your will to God's and it's as painful as it sounds, if you're a steel willed mongrel like me.
Happy? Isn't is joy and bliss and peace? Can I just tell you ... there are things I have to do at church because I said I would do them ... things I know are right ... not a joy. Way not peace.
IN CONCLUSION - you said, Brandy, go talk to the Bishop. And I said nope, I am a big, fat coward. God told the Bishop to put me here; when it's time for someone else, God will say so, right? That's how it works. That's the whole chain of authority and stewardship and all that stuff. You said, if church sucks, church is wrong. And that's not true either. It's not God bending HIS rules to make YOU comfortable ... it is how it is.
Funny story:
I went to church on Sunday because going to church is Right and Choosing the Right makes me happy. I took a deep breath before going into Primary. I made eye contact with the Primary President. I was going to say something indirect like, "I think maybe I might possibly like to be released if it wouldn't be too much trouble," but instead she spoke first: "Sister [So and so who has been an awesome team teacher] has asked to be released. We don't have a replacement, but we're going to try to get a parent in to help each week."
See? Do you SEE? GOD mocks me. He takes His big Holy finger, points it right at me, and chuckles ...
I cried when I told my husband. He laughs at me, too. Husband is so Godlike.
11 Brilliant Bits of Inspiration:
hehehe...oh I feel like that so often :) And no, I don't believe He's laughing. Mildly shaking his head at times, maybe, but not laughing :)
This talk hit me a bit below the belt as well, I hesitated to re-listen and re-read it because I wasn't sure I wanted to learn what God was trying to teach me. But ultimately I did, and I'm glad.
I don't believe God expects us to enjoy His refinement process, or to be blissfully skipping down the pathway of life as we are being recrafted. He does expect us to keep going, keep trying...faking it 'til we make it if you will. The joy, the peace, the happiness that come from choosing the right, those are products of our perseverance, our endurance and our sacrifice...those things take time.
I can only hope that before I die my natural man is a little more gone, and my impulses are inheirently good, rather than the muddled garbage they come out as right now.
I found a BYU Women's Conference talk by Brian K. Evans in 2007 with this quote that said it best:
"President Monson once said of President Hinckley, “He does not take counsel from his
fears.”2 Note that President Monson didn’t say, “President Hinckley has no fears.” He
said, “He does not take counsel from his fears.” There is a difference. Lt. John Putnam,
who died at the age of 23 during World War II, said: “Courage is not the lack of fear but
the ability to face it.”3
Give yourself some credit, and quit trying to eat the whole dang elephant...just start with the tail ;) luv ya!
I think when someone writes a really sincere post like this, everyone who comments wants to either a.say something profound or b. provide reassurance. I want to do both, but I don't have the words. All I will say is that I LOVE that you aren't censoring yourself out of fear. I think it is easy to just touch upon the superficial things of our lives with these blogs, but you are brave enough to really put yourself out there. Keep it up. It's posts like this that make this my favorite blog!
His lesson should receive another "D" -- or several others.
"Doubt is not the opposite of faith; it is one element of faith."
Paul Tillich's _Dynamics of Faith_
Ether 12:6
"And now, I, Moroni, would speak somewhat concerning these things; I would show unto the world that faith is things which are hoped for and not seen; wherefore, dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith."
Alma 32:21
"And now as I said concerning faith-- faith is not to have a perfect knowledge of things; therefore if ye have faith ye hope for things which are not seen, which are true."
There is no faith without doubt. Faith is to believe and act without a perfect knowledge and to live through ongoing trials of doubt.
In many cases doubt is a healthy, wonderful thing, saving us from going about doing whatever we're told. We have the ability to question and think for ourselves for a reason. Doubt is not "evil" or merely fear based, but part of our God-given human capacities. It's an intrinsic part of the equation.
When I think of God, I think of God the Father. It's the only way I can think of something that large in any manageable way. Everything I believe, my entire faith, is based on the belief that God's relation to me is like any parent's relationship with their child (good parents that is).
Balance in all things means that we have to take the good times with the bad, the mountains with the valleys, and time to work with time to play.
I really do believe that it's very easy to confuse the expectations of men with the commandments of God. Now is the time to pray, listen, and watch for answers. Remember also that sometimes you have to be still in order to hear. Be not being.
:-) Of course you know I'm always up for a good debate about grace versus works, too! I hope you find the answers you're looking for.
God gave me a brain and free agency. I choose to use both. I don't much care for that talk and therefore I'm not putting much stock in it.
And before someone lectures me I will simply say that it's impossible to live all the laws in the Bible too. Tons of stuff in the Bible contradicts other parts of the Bible- it's not a unique dilemma.
In my case, I'm just trying to cover the basics in a true and honest way. That means I'm still in Elementary School with the learning and growing. I think MOST people are. Some think they aren't- and those are your 'Utah Mormons'.
I do appreciate reading Tiffany's insights- that helped me too.
That said, we do what is right even when it isn't fun BECAUSE the law of Action= Consequence is GREATER than any other. There is mercy, of course, which is forgiveness but forgiveness may remove the stain in the eyes of God but we'll still be left with the consequences of that choice as it's legacy. As Dr. Laura says "Some things can't be fixed, that's why they must be avoided".
Yes, I'm with Lori. I've found your last two blogs so wonderfully and refreshingly honest. I want to comment, but can't find the words. So let me just say, BRAVO! And thank you! And you're not alone! And please keep writing.
Oh- and see me prove my own infancy? While others quote scripture and conference talks, I'm quoting Dr. Laura. Nice. Dang I have a long way to go!
"God told the Bishop to put me here; when it's time for someone else, God will say so, right?"
While I'm not religious any longer, has it occurred to you that the difficulties that you're having right now might be God's way of "saying so"? I was always taught growing up that God often speaks to us in ways that we don't (or choose not to) recognize...like the guy stuck on the roof of his house in a flood who asks God to save him, refuses the offers of a guy in a boat and an airplane to pick him up, and then cries to "God, why didn't you save me?" God replies "I sent you a boat and an airplane...what else did you need?"
It seems to me that the doubts and confusion and depression that you've been suffering from might be God's way of telling you to step back a bit and regroup and re-connect with your own spirituality for a while. Of course, I can't read "God's" mind either, so I may just be blowing smoke.
Good luck to you however this all works out, and I hope that you are finding some ways to nurture yourself.
Hi there. I am Shannon's husband and I have started to read your blogs and love to hear someone speaking honestly about these things. It is validating to read your words and know I'm not the only one with these opinions.
I am an active member who teaches in primary who (to be honest)has experienced a dramatic challenge to my faith the past few years. Maybe it's not a bad thing.
This exact talk stood out to me as well and really offended me in several ways. When a general authority says something like this everyone immediately thinks if they disagree THEY must be the ones in the wrong.
I feel confident saying that even though his talk was well intentioned it is very destructive and lacks real perspective. I am personally very sick of people in the church connecting cognitive dissonance with unrighteousness. If someone feels discouraged because they have come across some information or idea that is causing conflict it does not mean they have done anything wrong and it is frankly stupid to assume that it leads to a lack of diligence and/or a wicked lifestyle (can we say scare tactics?).
These connections are terribly misleading and they are not applicable as universal principles outside of our church. So when a Muslim experiences cognitive dissonance because he discovers Mohamed was a caravan robber and a murderer should he view these negative conflicting emotions as coming from the devil? No. It is good that he was able to break free and see things clearly.
In this talk this general authority is demanding blind obedience and associating all other explorations as actually being EVIL.
If you are curious what a non-believer's perspective is on your faith and become conflicted as a result have you committed a sin? If you are an excellent Christ-like person who maintains LDS standards you are still committing a sin by not being fully convinced. Somehow it's YOUR fault when the church's stance is no longer persuasive. This is a way of channeling your thought processes and I disagree with it. We don't need to manipulate people into staying in this church. If it's true then we shouldn't have to do this.
So we are supposed to learn from Joseph Smith's example without also recognizing the role doubt played in his exploration into religion? Doubt is a blessing. All ideas SHOULD be challenged.
Across the board in religion today when people start saying they "know" things to be true (on little evidence) they feel they can influence society to force that knowledge upon others. We need to be intellectually honest. We are HOPING that this is true. "I know" are two of the most abused words in Mormondom. You are persuaded. You are confident but you do not "know".
Conviction is rewarded within the church. People will admire your strength of character much more if you can shed some tears and tremble when you bear your testimony. But emotion does not a solid testimony make. It is soundness and substance that really convinces people. I mean really, enough with the false sincerity. We are even content to fake it because we've been taught that if you fake it long enough your testimony will be found in the baring of it. Such wisdom
This was way to long huh? I really appreciated this post. Thank you. I am a new fan of your writing.
God does NOT always call you through the bishop. I know many leaders who have chosen against what they "felt" God wanted. These Men and Women are just that, Men and Women. They do not always do what God wants. Sometimes God wants them to ask to actually get a no. We do need to be strong enough to do what is right for us.
Example) The bishopric in my moms ward asked my dad (before asking her like they are supposed to, that's a whole other topic) if it was okay to call her to the primary. My dad is a BYU ward bishop and my mom just started a new job teaching elementary school. There is a lot of responsibility from both places for my mom. My dad said NO.
If they would have said yes it would kill my mother. She physically would be sick all the time. There is not enough time in the days or weeks. It's okay to say No when the bishopric doesn't know all that is going on.
They will find someone else to teach the children if you ask to be released. It will all work out.
By the way, I will get back to you about the talk. I am going to go read it first. I already have opinions about what I think it says, but I better go read it.
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