Priorities - I've Got Five

I think this binge of insanity is finally waning; much like the moon, currently. Coincidence? Nothing is coincidence, says me.

So, as I pull my self together, I've taken a moment to think about the things that I really want to focus my life on. I want to stop wasting my time with crap that doesn't matter. But without a list of what does matter, how can I know if I'm wasting time or meeting objectives?

My Priorities:

1. Wife. There I was, all crazy, melancholy, and generally messed up. And Greg. He saw something in me (I will never, never understand it). You think I'm bad now? You should have seen me back in 96-98. With my flexible morals, mish-mash-what-have-you theology, shoebox full of unpaid bills. Logic? Smogic! And he still took me. I probably appealed to his "save the damsel in distress" instincts. Whatever happens in this life, Greg has held my hand through my darkest times, nudging me, pushing me, carrying me back to reality. Sometimes, I think about when Crichton grows up, how much it would hurt me, as his mommy, to have his wife treat him the way I treat Greg. How I would stand up against the daughter-in-law who dared tell my baby he wasn't doing enough to help! And so I need to be a better wife. Greg deserves a sweet, lovely, kind, attentive wife. Sure, he also deserves a snarky, bust your chops, keep-him-in-line, torture him with puns and sarcasm kind of girl, too. But he's getting way too much of girl 2 and hardly a drop of girl one. And I will always worry that I'm not enough. And he will always worry that I will give up and run away. That's not such a great way to live. I need to proceed with more kindness and more confidence. Give him a home he wants to come home to. Stop being such a whiny, critical, complainy girl. Be the woman he deserves.

2. Mother. This raising the kids stuff is hard and time-consuming! All night and day. Clean clothes, healthful food, enriching environment, socially acceptable behavior, kindness, love, encouragement, no swearing, no name calling, so much human fecal matter. ACK! So the first 5-6 years: INTENSE. Sacrifice all that it takes. The next 10-12 years you teach them how to live their lives themselves: keep track of responsibilities, manage emotions, make good choices or suffer the consequences. You must let them fail a bit, hurt a bit, become confident with who they are. I can't wait for my new parenting book to get here ... sigh. I'm in the hot garage rather than the cool front room so I can be closer, listen, be on hand if they need me as they play outside. Lately, the boys have been in an entrepreneurial phase. Last week, they were selling sticks ... I mean magic wands. This week it's popsicles. I try to participate in their play if I'm wanted and not stand in the way, if I'm not. The TV has been gloriously off most of the day, most of the summer. (They just came home with a five dollar bill for selling 2 Popsicles. "I didn't say how much they were, I just told them to pay whatever they wanted; they wanted Popsicles really bad!" Don't worry, I'm sending him back to give some change, the whole package of Popsicles didn't cost me $2. I think my kids will do well in business!) Kids like it when you pay attention to them.

3. Writing. As it turns out, I like writing. Journaling, stories, letters to government representatives pleading for the end of DST, religion, politics, EVERY little thought that runs through my mind. This blog has been great for developing the habit of writing, finding a voice (I like to think of it as unique, but so many people say my words could of been theirs ... I'm not unique, but I'm me). So blogging counts. And Scrabble counts - how else would I ever learn great new words like HODADDY?! Reading books would count, if I ever start doing that again. Reading and commenting on blogs totally counts. How else would I meet awesome people LIKE YOU! Buy advance copies of my so far unwritten books. Please.

4. Housekeeper. Fun, huh? I DO want a clean house, I think my whole family is happier and more productive when there are NOT 4 sippy cups of congealing whole milk in the sink. I think Sunday's are easier when no one has to start washing church clothes that morning. It's always nicer to vomit in a clean toilet or pee on freshly laundered sheets, don't you think?! The housekeeper also plans meals, shops, and cooks, and organizes the family's schedules. Keep the house together. It's not a big deal, I just have to do a little every day. Keep it up and don't get discouraged.

5. Theatre. Okay. My super secret passion is community theatre. My hush hush goal is to OWN and MANAGE a little theatre, to learn everything about the technical stuff, stage managing, directing, acting, singing, set design. I could care less about Broadway, Hollywood, and I vowed to never be on TV for any reason. I just love every little theatre related thing. I'm not brilliant at it, but I love it and it is the most fun I have.

So ... now I have some direction and purpose for my crazy little life.

Dangit. I forgot to include God, like any kind of spiritual goals ... but just so you know, as part of all these goals (better wife, mother, etc.), I plan on daily exercise, prayer, and weekly temple attendance. These three things, far and beyond anything else, bring God into my life, into my awareness.

So this is my selfish list, the things I WANT to do. Just for me, to make me happy and feel good.

And if you have seen a little silver digital camera lying about somewhere b'twixt here and SLC, with pictures of my cute kids, it's mine. I left it on my husbands bumper and he drove to work. Sigh.

Ok. The heat is too much. Time to play inside for a while. There's laundry to fold. There's always laundry to fold.