I'm only trying to do 20 things, y'know. Mind my finances, grow a freaking garden, housekeeping, cooking, a play, churchy stuff, wifey stuff, determine the best educational path for my children, write books and blogs, indoctrinate my kids properly, not allow myself to be driven insane by gramma-in-the-dungeon (and wow is that one getting harder, they cut her hours at work) ...**** Thunder just boomed, hmmm, wonder what that's supposed to mean ****
My current favorite show is Kings and I'm pretty sure it's going to be canceled soon because I love it so. The main character is David (and the whole show is kind of a modern inspired version of the Biblical David and it's written and played with a very Shakespearean feel, but not over-the-top). David is good. So good. He is honest and loyal ... even when a situation is going to have negative personal consequences, he strives to do what is supremely right. And, because he is a good person, he thinks most others, deep down, are like him. I think that's how most people are, however you yourself are, that's how you see other people. Not everyone is good.
SO. As I think most people are kind of shallow, only doing what's best for themselves, probably lying or misrepresenting the good stuff they do ... what I am doing is not necessarily analyzing individuals, but revealing significant details about myself. And maybe the reason that I don't do a very good job of maintaining friendships (unless it is very easy) is because I don't feel worthy of friendship.
I have a friend. I have know her for over 3 years. Our husbands and kids play (not much recently, though), she got me involved in a community band, which was brilliantly fun and good for me (as I have hermit tendencies), she brought me Jell-o when I had my wisdom teeth out. This friend of mine had heart surgery a couple of weeks ago. I haven't even called to see how she is doing. She's moving across the country soon, like next week. I offered to watch her kids or come over and help pack when she told me she was moving (before the surgery), but I haven't called or gone over to make good on my offer.
Also, I was asked to help with meals for a new mother, just take dessert to her and I forgot. I went to play practice and didn't do a thing, didn't even call anyone to apologize.
Also, not only have I not done my visiting teaching for 2 months, but I have been avoiding the supervisors calls.
And crucifying myself on the internet ... confessing my guilt on my blog ... is worse than pointless. This is not repentance.
I don't like the thoughts in my head or the thoughtless way I act ... and I wonder: why I am this way???
But that doesn't do any good. It's like being in a hole and wasting all your energy wondering how you go in there. No, I need to figure out how to not be this way.
What is my goal?
I'd like to be a nicer person.
Nope. Goals have to be specific and measurable. What will I do?
I think part of the problem is I am not organized with my time. I often agree to do something, and fail to write it down with an appointed, specific time for completion. If a thing is written down, one is much more likely to DO it.
So - tomorrow morning, I will take some time to make a conveniently sized and portable daily, weekly, and monthly set to do list and a calendar to write down events or commitments as they come up. I will keep this handy always and stop being a jerky flake (though that might be a delicious new meat flavored breakfast cereal).
This little break down and pull yourself up brought to you by PocketMod.
Are you tired of lugging an unwieldy day planner with you? Do you forget really important stuff you said you'd do? Feel like you're going to go crazy if you don't get your life in order? Want something easy? I'd like to recommend pocketmod.com for your temporal organizational benefit.
Thanks PocketMod - you saved my life!
9 Brilliant Bits of Inspiration:
Ok, I plan to write a long, detailed comment about this post VERY soon, however, I first have to address your tweet "Voldemort is evil for evil's sake..boring villan" Here is why I disagree..
1. Voldemort comes from a long line of mental illness. That alone has a strong influence on his behavior, ideas, character..IMO.
2. Voldemort is abandoned by his parents. His father before his birth, and his mother; who chose death rather than to raise her child. His mother was almost the opposite of Harry's mom..she too had a choice, but choose NOT to protect her son, and leave him to his fate, parentless and alone.
3.Voldemort's whole philosphy that drives his evil actions is muggle domination and purity of wizarding blood. A little strange for a man whose father was a muggle and was, himself, a half blood wizard. I think this speaks to the strong impact of mental illness, parental abandonment, etc.
I could go on, but I wont torture you! What do you think?
p.s.- Prepare for another long comment about the post!
Your post really hit home. I'm very hermity myself, and often shy away from doing things which later cases me a lot of guilt - like keeping up with friends. Sometimes out of forgetfulness, but often out of avoidance. If left on autopilot my subconscience finds other, less personally challenging responsibilities to tend to. Your observation about feelings of friend-worthiness struck a personal nerve.
I'm always looking for ways to organize my life and become more effective. IPhone has helped a lot. Any system with really frank and realistic management of expectations has always helped immensely. The unfortunate part is that these things don't seem to work unless they are stuck with. I need a pocket nazi with a mini-taser. *ZAP* ‘Das isst not vat you are supposst to be doink!’ … I should check the App Store.
I don't know how I can sit here and say that I have issues with time management. Besides work, my life could pretty much be put on a rigid schedule. You're a mom with 3 kids depending on you to solve their unpredictable problems as well as your own. How do you schedule around a moving target? And more importantly how can you justify being hard on yourself when you break said impossible schedule?
Maybe get Greg to dictate a solution to you in a British accent again. That was most entertaining.
So, about an hour after reading this post lo and behold, my relief society president calls. I forgot that I'd signed up to go help clean someones house. Did I answer the call, nope, because I have the neighbors daughter over playing with my daughter and can't go anyway.
I'm totally used to being a flake. I mostly forgive myself for it.
Lori Ann - I'm glad you came to the defense of Voldemort. I was upset by the tweet as well. Brandy- I don't think we can be friends anymore. ;)
I used to be really organized and rarely forgot anything. Now I forget all the time. I have a calendar on the fridge, a handy mom-type calendar/notebook in my purse or on my nightstand and then multiple to do lists I create almost daily. They help a bit, but I still forget stuff all the time. I've just decided I'll do the best I can and that'll have to be good enough. I even ask Marcos to remind me about the important stuff for fear I'll forget - like appts and such. I don't know if it's all the brain cells zapped during my two pregnancies or if it's just that life with young kids, their schedules and church stuff is nonstop. I think maybe the latter. I have to go through my day the night before in my brain if I don't want to forget something really important. But I still forget. And I'm horrible about weddings and other events. I NEVER remember them.
As far as the hermit comments go, I think everyone has their anti-social moments. But it seems that there is a wide spectrum that makes up the art of being social. I'd say Marcos is probably the extreme on the one end and I'm somewhere in the middle, although often drawn to a more social me because of my husband's love of people. I can relate to everything you said, but you're being way too hard on yourself. Like BenCallAdams said below, "you're a mom with 3 kids depending on you to solve their unpredictable problems, as well as your own." It's true you know? You can be as organized as can be, but it all takes a backseat to your life. When Canon runs down the street, Cri needs help with homework or Sagan has a poopy diaper, forget the schedule. And that's the majority of a mom's life (especially one with young children). Get a calendar and try to manage your schedule the best you can and then give yourself a break. Everyone forgets stuff once in awhile. And I've been avoiding visiting teaching supervisors for a few months myself. :)
I gotta get me one of those just to remember to brush my teeth twice a day!
Lori-Poor Voldemort, he's so misunderstood! ;)
Brandy, Once upon a time, in a career long ago, I met a mother who shared a bit of wisdom that's stuck with me ever since. I called asking her daughter if she'd work on a committee for something or other. The daughter returned my call and gave a negative (but friendly and polite) answer. The next day the mom came to my office.
She apologized for not letting her daughter work on the committee. It was the first time I'd asked anything of this family and she wanted to let me know that it wasn't anything to do with our committee that caused her to refuse the position.
Their family had rules regarding extracurricular activities (including church): Dinner at home, as a family, 5 nights a week; 2 hours per day free time; in bed with homework complete by 10pm.
I've been trying to stick with those rules for my family (and it's hard to fit a lot of stuff in when you stick to those rules). Now I don't have to worry about saying no, or justifying to anyone why I don't have time to work on their issue (whatever it may be). Now we have a very simple way of prioritizing. If it falls within the rules it's ok to do whatever it is. If it will take more time than I have to give (without being a rule breaker) that means I have to give up something.
Maybe you (like so many of us) are simply a bit overscheduled. You do have three kids, a husband, and a mother in the dungeon to care for. Having a servant's heart is a wonderful thing but even Jesus sometimes walked away from people in need to pray and care for himself. You can't serve others unless you're taken care of.
advertising, much?
Hey, Anonymous, I am SO going to track you down. First time here? Not read any of my posts lately? I am in no MOOD for snarky inaccurate comments from a person who either KNOWS me and is afraid, or doesn't and should be!
Advertising would mean I am getting paid to talk about it and the producer of the product gets paid when you buy it. The damn thing is FREE and very handy and I recommend it because I am LOSING MY MIND and it helps me remember I should take my kid to the dentist, not snort crank (snorting crank is thurs at 4. Do they snort crank? Or do you smoke it? Or inject it? I am so not up on the drug scene.)
If you want to see advertising, click on that ring link over there ... they gave me a tungsten ring almost a year ago and it it still shiny and unscratched! I love tungsten. Buy from whoever that link goes to.
NOW, To track down an IP address. I WILL KNOW WHO YOU Are/were!
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