I was trying to write a musical parody for you, set to the tune of My Favorite Things, but my attention span and dedication aren't what they used to be (ever were). Here's what I got:
Convincing dear Canon to poop in the potty,
Wishing his aim was a little less spotty,
Praying that Sagan is ready to wean,
These are a few of my favorite things.
When your boobs leak
beak ... creek ... meek
effit.
They're not my favorite things ... and I couldn't think of an appropriate adjective to describe how frustrated and tedious these two tasks are.
Sure, sure, I don't HAVE to do them in the same week, but what else am I gonna do? I ran out of bon bons and all my shows are reruns.
Engorged.
And whatever you call it after your PMSy.
Being a woman is messy business; motherhood, exponentially so.
I think I'm taking the weekend off. Like way off. Like hang out in a hotel with not-my-husband and go to various places not-with-children (not my own anyway). How's this for random? I may be going to a nearby big city to "help" an friend I met in jr. high who, after smooching my gay high school boyfriend, became, thereafter, my arch enemy/rival (in my mind), but, who(m?) I remet on facebook, and who now seems like a kindred spirit (completely in that Anne of Green Gables way). Help her chaperon her choir group's field trip/concert tour. Help by going to lovely restaurants and theatrical performances and Mo Tab. It would be nice to leave daddy with a weaned 358 day old baby and two boys perfectly able to defecate without much supervision. Then I wouldn't worry so...
While I am on this random train of thought, how about P!NK: The Musical? About a famous party girl (I'm Coming Up) who has a bad break-up (So What), gets depressed (Please Don't Leave Me) goes to rehab (Sober) and lives happily ever after or commits suicide (Lady Marmalade). I only have 5 pink songs on my songbird - so I'm not sure how to work that last in - maybe she becomes an Avon Lady.
It's a cereal for dinner kind of evening, except I'm doing the no-carb/anorexia/KFC for lunch diet. So ... I guess I'll be having that leftover grilled chicken and .... water?
I'm bored, you must be too. Let's be off now.
5 Brilliant Bits of Inspiration:
I could never be bored by a Mrs. B Roth post. :) You could post "hello" and I would be like "wow..that was so randomly awesome". I hope you get a kid free weekend!
Well I'm not sure that your kids will be potty trained AND weaned by the weekend, but I wish you good luck trying.
I don't know if you've heard of it, but supposedly there are these potty training 'systems' out there that claim to potty train your kid in one day or three days or something like that....I think they are even called Booty Camp (yep, they are). I have no idea how it works.
One tip I would like to pass along from my sister, whose daughter was 4 (yes 4!). She finally got her daughter out of diapers by telling her that they just didn't make her diapers in her size anymore so she would just have to wear underwear. And my niece just agreed. And that was that. But then again, that's how my niece is. She only finally gave up her pacifier for good (for real) when she went to first grade. That's how super-stubbornly attached she was to her baby things.
Good luck!
PS I believe that Einstein was not trained until age 5 or so....fits with my theory about lil' Canon!
Heres a little tip you can use when you attempt to leave the kids with your husband for the weekend:
The man whose life was the inspiration the movie, The Puruit of Happiness, recently wrote a book and was on the news this morning. When asked about how his son felt about being homeless and sleeping on a public bathroom floor, his son's response was "The only thing I remember was that every time I looked up, my father was there." He made that valid point that not many kids can say that, and many kids who live in big fancy houses can't say that. I thought this was a nice piece of inspiration for fathers to spend more quality time with their children.
You can use that to support your argument for leaving him with the kids this weekend!
You could try writing your song and calling it Unfavorite Things. I thought you had a nice start to it.
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