Join Me Inside the Temple

I am going to share with you (the entire world) something sacred that recently happened to me. I can't tell you I'm not shaking with fear to put this out there (like when you get up to bear your testimony), but several friends made requests for more details, out of concern or curiosity. I shared a little and I realized, I could open my heart up and let you peek in; it's not so crazy. Or rather, it is, but not uncommon.

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LDS temples are not open to the general public after they have been dedicated. Before the dedication, however, there is an open house where anyone can go inside and take the tour. If you hear of one close by, I highly recommend going - the temples are all so beautiful and peaceful inside and out. After the temple dedication, however, only LDS members with temple recommends can enter. This may seem unfair, and certainly many have felt rejected, however, the temples are not intended to be a secret place for a select few. On the other hand, there is a certain amount of sacrifice and dedication one must make to prepare themselves.

So, if you have any questions or need me to perfect your knowledge of LDS mythology, feel free to email me. For now, you have Wikipedia and LDS.org, so I'll just go on.

In the temple, we perform about half a dozen religious ordinances - once for oneself, then repeatedly on behalf of dead ancestors (or any old dead people, really). These ordinances include Baptisms, which would be done for oneself first, in any appropriate body of water, not just in the temple; but for the dead, just in the temple; Endowments, a series of covenants and blessings; and the Sealing of families for time and all eternity. We believe that certain ordinances must be performed on Earth and we do the work, by proxy, for those who have died before they had the opportunity or desire to make the covenant for themselves. We do not believe this forces all the dead to become Mormons in the afterlife, but that agency, the right to choose, is still active after death. By performing the proxy ordinances, we unlock the door, if our kindred dead choose to walk through.

The idea of eternal families has always been very appealing to me - you work so hard getting to know and communicate and love a guy just so y'all can be worm food next to each other? And the death of one's children ... I think Love is a much stronger force than death. I hope for more...

I took out my endowments and had my civil marriage solemnized, sealing me and my husband, Greg, in 1999 (Sept 11, 1999, to be specific). Since then, we've only gone to the temple maybe once or twice a year. (Once a month would be considered quite faithful) Last week I made a deal with God (he and I are tight like that) that I would go to the temple for endowment sessions twice a week (and stupid me/tricky God, I didn't specify how long I would do this for). In return, He would help me with my "mommy issues". I would make this HUGE sacrifice because I really REALLY need His help.

So, I've been 4 times in the last 2 weeks.

The endowment session takes about two hours and is basically a progression taking you through the creation of the earth and the Adam and Eve/Garden of Eden story. There is a lot of symbolism, ceremony, and generally complicated ritual. It is hard for me to reconcile with the simplicity I identify as Jesus' gospel. (I am really an awful Mormon ... gah) (get more official info)

I've been trying to pay close attention (like extra extra close) to the whole endowment ceremony, but it tires me, it bores me. So this time (the 3rd visit in two weeks), I start counting to ten with my breathing, over and over. This is what I do when I'm running to get me stop thinking about anything other than finishing the run. When the ritual of it all is done, you end up in what is called the Celestial Room (I posted a picture of one on my blog posts a while back). This was a Wednesday afternoon, a very small session - 12 souls. People usually just hang out in the C-Room for a few moments of prayer (or chit chat) and head out. Within about 10 minutes, I was alone in the Celestial Room (except for two silent temple workers by the exits, who out of sight).

I've had the experience during prayer and especially in the Celestial Room before, when it literally feels like God or Jesus or the Holy Ghost ... someone is speaking to my mind, answering my questions before I can finish mentally asking them ... it is very powerful. Very hard to convince yourself it is just your mind playing tricks, very hard to deny the voice of God. So I choose to believe. Information gleaned in the temple has never never led me astray, often helped beyond imagination.

This time, I was on the opposite side of the room then I usually end up on, and I noticed, for the first time, that there was a huge picture of the Resurrected Savior. Not sure how I missed it before. I was sitting directly across from it. I asked God why my mother was still alive, why He'd taken my father and brother from me and left me stuck caring for her (I have some really pretty serious mommy issues).

And basically the word was - my mom is not just still here for her progression, but also for mine. The stress of her living with my family, in my home is for me; I'm being given the opportunity to learn and grow in some necessary ways (and failing miserably - that's my interpretation, though, not what was said; God's way nicer about these things than I am). Sometimes people die because they have progressed as much as they can here, sometimes because their death furthers the progression of another, sometimes people are left here, despite a seeming lack of progress, because their life furthers the progression of another.

There was more, but it escapes me right now, so I'll take that stupor of thought as a sign to let it be.

So maybe the whole trouble with my post before was that I was trying to share the whole thing the wrong way, too much about the wrong details ... I don't know.

I still feel stupid ... like it just seems so ridiculous to talk about hearing the voice of God and even more generally, just talking about how I don't get my own religion's most sacred ceremonies. I am a fool, and idiot ... a blasphemer probably, too.

So, thank you random strangers, for listening to my babble. Please don't sit there and shake your head, thinking I'm crazy and Mormons are weird ... it is a hard religion and I don't take my faith lightly. I'm a Mormon because, after my own search for Truth, this is what feels rightest to me. I appreciate the dichotomy, the complex and simple. Most of the time It is well beyond my comprehension, but once in a while, things are clear and the answers are simple and obvious ... the responsibility to find Truth is all mine and the LDS church demands (well, gently encourages) me to go out and find it. We believe individuals are entitled to receive personal revelation for our lives directly from God and we are given a prophet who is authorized to direct mankind as a whole, if anyone cares to listen. It seems to be the pattern through out history, encompassing numerous religious traditions, and I haven't found that consistency made so blatantly clear in many other sects.

This is my heart, open for your perusal, be gentle.

Nevertheless, feel free to discuss. Nothing better than a respectful religious discussion, says me!