Tuesday, May 26, 2009

California Is a Silly Place, Legally Speaking

I don't watch the news, but I read on-line updates on issues I care about. I just learned that California upheld Prop 8, banning Gay Marriage AND decided to continue to recognize the 18,000 same-sex marriages entered into before hand.

So no one is happy.

Prop Eight-ers say it's a hallow victory. There are still 36,000 happily married gay people keeping their rings, holding hands, maybe even (gasp) kissing. A shame, for sure.

The LGBT Community must have had their signs made last night (well, the gay pessimists - which sounds like an oxymoron). They will be marching around all over. My favorite lesbians are, naturally, upset.

I hope there won't be protesters at the temple tomorrow, as I'd like to go without being accosted by people who make assumptions about me without taking the time to understand my reasons. I'm pretty sure the LDS church didn't bribe the California State Supreme Court. Relatively.

The point that keeps sticking in my proverbial craw is the argument that goes something like, "Why does the majority get to decide the rights of the minority?" First, do you understand that in a democracy the majority determines the rights of everyone, majority and minority alike? Second, it is a silly assumption that marriage is an unlimitable right.

You can own a gun, but there are limitations. You can have an abortion, but there are limitations. You can vote, but there are limitations. You can get married, but there are limitations.

Recently, I thought it would be very nice to have a second wife around the house. She would be in charge of the housework and cooking and I get to play with the kids and play Lexulous on Facebook (challenge me, I dare you). SURE, I could hire a maid, but who has money for that, we're in a recession here folks! Now look. I could get some girl to live here and I could share My Dear Old Greggy and divvy up the chores and the neighbors might talk, but they can't do crap about it. HOWEVER, I do not have the right to march Missy (that's going to be her name), Greg, and I down to the courthouse and have it made official. Even if we both love Missy a whole whole bunch (and if she did dishes and put away laundry, you better believe there would be some big love for Missy). Because you know why? The state law says one man and one woman. (Freaking stupid backwards thinking states, I know! Can you imagine how much better my blog would be if I didn't have housework looming over me ALL the time!!)

So, Boys and girls: we all endure the limitations to our rights. We continue to appeal to the courts to have our rights recognized and should there come a time when a majority of society is in agreement, we'll all have better blogs. Easy for me to say, I have a legal, lawful spouse. But some days I would so rather have a Missy than a Greg. Assuming the computer is working fine and the laundry needs to be done. And what I really want, is both.

Or a maid.

Two final notes. If you are a minority in any way, know that you represent your group. Be especially nice to children, the upcoming generation, because if you keep yelling at my kid to get off the sidewalk in front your house, he's going to make negative associations about minorities and someday he'll be called a bigot, but really, someone was a poor example and ruined it for everyone else. It's nice to be nice.

Second: not everyone thinks you are "pedophiliac, church-ruining, abominational second-class citizens", but if you walk around thinking everyone does, it's going to taint how you treat others and therefore, how you are treated in return. Choose to walk around thinking everyone loves you and supports you until they tell you differently, then just know, that guy's a jerk and jerks are the minority and minority opinion doesn't matter.

Motto for today:

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."
--Plato (and I could just kiss him for saying so!)

And to encourage:

"People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some genuine enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and sincere, people may deceive you;
Be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, will often be forgotten tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world your best anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God;
It was never between you and them anyway.

— Mother Theresa


I am in love with everything and everyone today.
I love you!
Madly.


________________________

*Brilliant art from here.

22 Brilliant Bits of Inspiration:

husband said...

wait...what?

Mrs. B. Roth said...

WHAT! I'm just saying. Like you wouldn't sometimes like some other husband around to help till a garden for me or move heavy furniture at my whim or clean out the garage. What we really need is a Heinleinian marriage with a few husbands and a few wives, doncha think?

Janet said...

Just to be pedantic- Parliamentary Procedure (which we use in our government) states that it has two objectives:

1. Uphold the rule of the majority.

2. Protect the rights of the minority.

I'm not objecting to anything you wrote. It's just that I'm tired of people trying to shove rule of the majority down my throat as an argument when protecting the minority rights is equally important. So, I'm just saying... parli. pro. lovers are nerds.

Momza said...

:::APPLAUSE::: You hit the nail on the head Mrs. B...hats off to ya!
And FYI, I've always said if Mr W gets a new wife, I GET TO PICK HER...and I want one who loves to cook and do laundry. I'm just sayin.

Lori Ann said...

Mrs. B Roth..

Another stellar post sure to ignite a little controversy:)

To Janet..

The question is..what do you do when the two are in conflict?

It seems like you cant uphold one without disregarding the other.

What would you do?

And lastly, to me..

Lori, you are so disenfranchised. No one cares about the rights of the single. I should be granted the right to have a cat in my apartment! I am 29 and single!!

(Sorry for having a discussion with myself on your blog comments, Brandy. Maybe I need to slow down on the caffeine!)

Mrs. B. Roth said...

I'm not TRYING to ignite controversy ... I just think I'm ovulating.

Laurel Nelson said...

Have people forgotten how many things in this country have been decided by the will of the minority?? How many times atheists have gotten something stuck in their craw and sued for something or other and won??? Get over it folks. Seriously. Apparently California is not as liberal as you would like to think. The people decided and the courts ruled. This is our country, like it or lump it.

People need to quit being childish.

And PS - I used to live in California, I grew up there, I'm familiar with how the process works there.

Baby Olivia said...

Okay, I am not touching the marriage thing with a 10-foot pole. Noway, nohow.

But here is what I seriously object to:

"If you are a minority in any way, know that you represent your group. Be especially nice to children, the upcoming generation, because if you keep yelling at my kid to get off the sidewalk in front your house, he's going to make negative associations about minorities and someday he'll be called a bigot, but really, someone was a poor example and ruined it for everyone else. It's nice to be nice."

Since when does ONE PERSON---no EVERY person within a minority represent the whole of a minority to a child?!?! That is metonymy gone crazy.....that's like saying that Glenn Beck represents all Mormons! Or the 9-11 hijackers are all Muslims! Or Rudy Guiliani represents all Catholics (he married his cousin...ewww!)

I am absolutely floored and incensed by the idea that you would excuse/dismiss your child's potentially becoming a bigot based upon his experience with ONE PERSON!!!! I am appalled that you would not try to teach your child top respect that particular individual as a person.....even if he/she is a cranky wanker.

You did not detail this particular situation, but I have news for you...everyone isn't just dripping with adoration for kids...and like Olivia has learned, she needs to respect that.....and especially respect other people's spaces, including their personal property. Moreover, as you say, it's nice to be nice, and so why not kill the person with kindness? And if not, avoid them! But why associate the crankiness of this person with their minority status....when you as the parent could emphasize some other reason/aspect of the person as to why they are cranky/jerky, etc....I mean didn't we all have a mean (old) crank in our neighborhood that all the kids avoided, especially on Halloween?

But seriously, no matter how big an a-hole this person is, ALL people are individuals, regardless of how they look! What's like saying it's okay to grow to dislike X (insert group: Jews, the Irish, Muslims, Catholics, whatever) based upon an experience with ONE person...

The main word I emphasize is RESPECT...you want it for your child, you need to teach your child to give it in turn, and that includes not lumping all people into an associative category based upon one aspect that you consider to be "minority," because we are ALL minorities in some way or another.

I personally teach my child to look at people as people...individuals...and NOT to see or notice the differences, but to note the similarity. Recently we had a huge situation in our family because Olivia said out of the blue that Daddy is brown....and after asking her what that meant and what color she is (I expected her to say red or purple) she said that she and I are white. I just freaked OUT and am STILL emphasizing to her that we are all people-colored, and that we are all the same on the inside.

Perhaps you might take a moment to listen to this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nBtk39S6Z9g

But seriously, it's this ONE PERSON'S fault if your child becomes a bigot?! Moreover, I am also seriously shocked that for whatever reason, that person would be the ONLY member of whatever minority you are talking about that your child would ever meet....why not go out of your way to meet other people who are also in the same minority.

I apologize if I am harsh, but I say that is just passing the buck....and I know you are not that kind of parent. Or person.

Kindly,
Catherine

Mrs. B. Roth said...

No - I disagree. Glenn Beck does represent Mormons and I don't like it. I represent Mormons and I try not to make and ass of myself. You represent Quakers, 9-11 guys represent Muslims, and on, and on (stereotyping causes problems, but the benefit is speed in appropriate reaction).

Your brain is AUTOMATICALLY wired to categorize and attribute qualities of a unique individual to the group that seems similar.

Don't freak out that your kid acknowledges race, for crying out loud. Our brains are designed to recognize "of my tribe" and "not of my tribe" - it goes back to survival instinct. When you see someone you process their gender first, then their "tribe", then you can proceed appropriately - it is simply how we are wired.

Yes, to treat people fairly, we must withhold negative group associations, but you can't blame or deny people for responding to the natural organization of the information.

(great topic to nit pick, btw)

OF FREAKING COURSE we do our best to teach our kids to respect all people as unique individuals, that skin color doesn't matter (that's our specific issue at hand). I don't say, "Leave the Black neighbors alone," we refer to them as "the touchy neighbors".

My kid was pushing an empty baby stroller (he likes to push the pram a lot) up and down the side walk in the cul-de-sac, while they were out weeding their yard. They told him to stay away from their place ... I couldn't hear them, I observed them talking to him, he started crying and ran to me, and said they told him he couldn't go there. I was working in my front yard and they didn't make any effort to explain why they needed to make my kid cry or why he couldn't WALK ON THE SIDEWALK. So I told him to just play in front of our house (talk to me about freaking RIGHTS! It's the sidewalk for pete's sake).

There are other examples where these neighbors have been jerky - wouldn't let my kid get his ball from their backyard, refused to return a toy that I know damn well was my kids', saying it was their 14 yr old daughters' toy, told me I needed to supervise my 7 yr old on his bike (we have about 20 kids in the cul-de-sac, they all ride their bikes all over, it's cool), the wife said I shouldn't let Cri walk home from school by himself, and she suggested that they believed my 7 yr old broke their fence (I asked Cri and he didn't touch their fence, they are "the touchy neighbors", we don't touch anything of theirs, even their grass).

I hate confrontation. They are renting, it's temporary. Even if it were permanent, I would still go with an avoidance strategy to keep the peace. They don't like people messing with their stuff - fine. I will do my best to respect that.

The point is, there are not a lot of black people in Utah. Cri's Sensai was black and that was an awesome way for Cri to learn to respect an individual in a minority which heuristically expands to the minority as a whole. Canon gets yelled at by our touchy neighbors ... I may have to make a concerted effort to break him from stereotyping all black people as grumpy. Maybe he won't link it together, I don't KNOW, but I worry.

SO. We're all part of a minority in some way, we should all just be nice to each other, and when you are a jerk, you may very well be inadvertently effecting the way your group is thought of - I contend that YES, your experience with ONE member of a group probably DOES shade how you think about and expect that group to be. As adults, we can usually override our stereotypes, IF we think about it. Children must be trained to withhold prejudice, but you never know how much an individual experience can taint or enhance your opinion of the group, heuristically speaking.

Amy said...

When I was little and my Mom was stressing over dinner and cleaning etc, after working a long day with a long commute. I looked at her and said that she needed to get a wife.

That's still a running joke in the family to this day.

I just had to add, my word verification is folly

Mambinki said...

Hmm. I think it is important to consider one's majority status and places of power in our society, no matter what but especially when considering rights of minorities and the representions of behaviors within that, as discussed in this post and within these comments.

I really like this article and recommend it to just about everyone, so please take a look and read with an open mind. Although it is primarily looking at race, you can consider these points when considering power and the roles of what is dominant in our culture v. what is not (male v. female, christian v. non christian, heterosexual v. homosexual, etc)

http://seac.org/readings/winter09/unpacking_knapsack.pdf

vesperstar said...

Maybe you could invite your neighbors over for a BBQ, lemonade, or for their kids to play with yours? It might make the situation more comfortable for everyone and would be another way of putting "be nice" into praxis.

Baby Olivia said...

For the record, my husband is white, Caucasian, whatever you want to call it.

And no, I don't think it's a matter of 'tribal identification.' That's simply a learned pattern of behavior. And when Olivia said that, I did not freak out about the notion that she was noticing race, but rather that she was categorizing people according to it....just because someone is different doesn't mean that there are not intrinsic similarities too!

Like I said, we are all minorities in some way....Olivia could fall under any one of the following labels: female, polish; irish; weird kid since her last name is Donahue and mine is not; jewish; quaker; whatever....who knows, maybe she's a lesbian and doesn't even know it yet!

And yet none of those are as directly visible and marked and fraught as race.

Did you ever consider it from their POV? How it feels to be part of a small minority? What tensions they might be feeling?

Why is it that all minorities are automatically representatives of their culture---certainly white people don't worry that if they do something bad the entire race will be perceived poorly.

Have you been neighborly to them? Tammy makes an awfully good suggestion, since ignoring them as 'touchy' doesn't seem to fix the situation. And no, it does not matter if they rent or own....it's still their house and maybe they have learned to not trust white people (represented by your son).

I live in a neighborhood in Chicago (Beverly) that is a true rarity....in a profile on NPR a few years ago, they announced that unlike most places in this very segregated city, it sits at the top of the list for integration. And yet the people they interviewed said that yes, it is 'integrated,' but people basically live parallel lives in parallel worlds. Well, I make a deliberate effort to avoid that. I say hello to everyone, even the teenagers that some people around here have labeled "hoodlums" on first sight. And what strikes me as desperately wrong is that even though our local high school (Morgan Park) is at the top of the charts academically, when these kids get out of class what do people think about them? Well the only thing I personally can do is to continue enforcing the concept of neighborliness that exists around me.....I mean, one of the things that I love about this 'hood (it's nickname is the Village in the City), is that the people DO say hi and are generally nice to each other.

In my opinion, you choose to see what you see when you look at a person.....you can look at the externalities and make a judgment (or tribal affiliation) or you can consciously CHOOSE to look for the similarities. To me, it all boils down to respect for the person as an individual rather than a person as a member of some group.

Like I said, you don't strike me as the kind of parent that would make these generalizations, and I would think that you would encourage your extremely bright child to also look at the world with the same complexity. You yourself said in previous posts that you have attended a gay pride celebration, know a diverse group of people of all walks of life....well then, teach your children well.

What I am saying is that it is up to us as parents to make the change in our children....to quote Margaret Mead, "Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has."

Catherine

BenCallAdams said...

"Second, it is a silly assumption that marriage is an unlimitable right.

You can own a gun, but there are limitations. You can have an abortion, but there are limitations. You can vote, but there are limitations. You can get married, but there are limitations."
Yes. You can vote, but there are limitations. There used to be more - neither you nor your "grumpy" neighbors used to be able to vote. For a very long time, lots of people (ahem - the majority) thought it was silly to extend the vote to women and blacks.

What’s silly is to assume or even imply that being in the majority has any correlation to being in the right.

For women and blacks, persistence paid off and the majority’s views changed in favor of equality. After decades of struggle, the same is finally happening for gays. It has happened more slowly due to the relative size and obscurity of the gay minority. On the other hand, obscurity is also its unique strength – how often does a white child confess through tears to his surprised parents that he is black?

You have a really good point, though - we are all representatives of our respective categorizations. There is so much to gain and nothing to loose by being decent. The most effective thing any of us can do to make things better for ourselves and our peers is to be a good ambassador to those who wish to place us in our own “tribe”.

Mrs. B. Roth said...

You have to know, Ben, when I think about this topic and how it effects real life people, you are my shining beautiful example and you are always so brilliant and eloquent as you call me a fool. I do so appreciate the authenticity and perspective YOU bring to my blog and my life.

Rights are limited. Voting and marriage rights are limited by age, and, in some cases, mental capacity. We limit how many people can enter into a marriage contract.

Voting is different - it is not a contract, but the ability for each citizen of the country to be able to "have a voice" in the governing of their country, by majority rule.

I think voting and marriage rights are apples and oranges.

Is entering into a marriage contract is a right?

What are the benefits and privileges from marriage are being denied to any group?

(I am so far past the whole gay people can marry, as long as it's a person of the opposite sex silliness)

The law should provide supported partners with insurance coverage the same as married or even co-habitating partners, joint tax return filing, power of attorney. But those are granted (if not universally now, well, that is the winnable legal battle).

As I peer into my crystal ball, I can't tell which way this will swing, but if I were gay, I would be playing it safe and I would be pushing for a new product in case society never gives in on marriage. I would certainly go for a civil union to protect my partner legally. And then seek out an accepting religious establishment and make my commitment before God. Marriage isn't so much about the ceremony, and I know you know this - it's about every single day after, how you treat one another, how two people stand together, come what may.

And finally, Steve Martin in The Jerk. His character was raised as a poor black child ... just saying.

BenCallAdams said...

"Is entering into a marriage contract a right?"
Yes - so long as it is a state institution, it absolutely is a right.

What benefits and privileges are being denied? Well, this part is not debatable. It's quantifiable and a quick Google of "list of marriage rights" will give a general idea. From a pragmatic standpoint, yes - there are legal avenues for obtaining most if not all of the same rights as married people (depending on where you live, anti-gay legislation and other barriers may exist); but frankly, I resent such a suggestion as a polite request to "please use the back door", you know – the one for the “colored folks and the help”. Not to mention that the back door is a long way around, and ridiculously expensive to use.

Which brings me to the dead horse at exhibit "B" - Separate but Equal. You said you supported extending certain rights to "married or even co-habitating partners". I would like to point out something hurtful in this wording, though I am certain that you didn’t mean it to be. This subtle statement implies that, because we aren’t a man and a woman, our relationship is in line with some shacked up girl and her afraid-of-commitment boyfriend who still wants to save on his property taxes. This demeans me and my human potential to love and be devoted. Again, I know you did not mean it like this, but similar language is often used very deliberately. What message do statements like this send to adolescent gays, not to mention the world they’ll live in? This is a clever, (if completely unintentional in your case) self-fulfilling prophecy given the fact that unstable and frivolous relationships are a favorite citation of anti-gay activists.

Which brings me to my final point, which is that if you could look into my heart and see what I see when my mind wanders to thoughts of being married, or a future where this conversation is moot, I don’t see tax breaks, property law or insurance benefits. I see us being married and telling people that without feeling like activists or fools. I see us finally being able to attend our church together without worrying about how it will affect our business in this Middle-America town (right now we attend separate churches). I see things like me being able to answer freely and accurately when asked if I’m married without belittling awkwardness and unhealthy resent. I see us having our surrogate kids (yes, I know we should adopt - selfish we are) and both being treated like parents at the Parent Teacher Conference – or at least not being without rights if we weren’t. I just want to live as a person. And I know you know and wish that, too.

I know if marriage equality were a reality tomorrow, much of this would still be a fantasy in my lifetime – but without it, it always will be.

And finally - Steve Martin in The Jerk. Touché. I kind of liked that argument - now it is flawed. Thanks to you. Hope you are happy.

That’s all. And thank YOU for letting me speak freely on your [increasingly illustrious] blog =)

Baby Olivia said...

Nice job Ben...I grew up going to the Gay Pride parades with my uncle, and it never occurred to me that he was in any way different than anyone else. I hopee that in my own child's lifetime there will come a time when all couples, regardless of gender, are able to openly express their affection for and attachments to each other.

Brandy--I'm sorry, I don't get the whole Steve Martin/The Jerk thing (though I have seen the movie, a long time ago)....could you explain, please? I mean, wasn't it a comedy?

I do not see the logic of your situation.....why not just go over and speak to your neighbors about why your kid was crying yourself? No matter who they are, isn't that your job/role as his parent? Why would they come over to you? How is your child's reaction to their statement their problem? If you were offended or bothered, say so....but don't single out their minority status as evidence of why you think they are jerky (pardon the pun).

In any case, it is the definition of discrimination for one to allow a single individual to influence one's views on the entire group without accounting for the many other factors and complexities of the entire group (not to mention that groups are artificial constructs)....and I'm pretty sure that's not what you intend for anyone to experience...

And isn't it easier to just calmly talk to them and be friendly yet firm with them? I mean, why not mention to them that your son is very smart and also sensitive and they hurt his feelings? They can't be complete ogres about it, you know. Ground rules are a good thing sometimes, even between adults

And that's all I'm just saying.

Catherine

Janet said...

This whole debate about individuals being representative of their race/ethnic group kind of makes me laugh. I know Brandy well enough to know that if her son makes sweeping generalizations about the neighbors she hurries to correct him and point out all the people within that group who are different than the grumpy neighbors. I also know that my son is cousins with her son.

My son hates Mexicans. More than half of his cousins are Mexican and they are his favorite cousins. Most of the kids he hangs out with (and likes) at school are Mexican. Some of his favorite aunts and uncles are Mexican. I spent part of my growing up years in New Mexico and Tex-Mex cuisine is standard in our household- but he hates it- not because the flavors aren't good, but because the food has reference to Mexico in it's name.

Every time we go to town I am nervous he's going to make some strange comment about disliking Mexicans and get us in trouble (about 30% of the population in this region is Hispanic). His dad talks to him about racism. I talk to him about racism. We point out all the fun Mexican celebrations in town and all the terrific people we know (who just happen to be hispanic). None of that has succeeded in changing his mind about Mexico, people speaking spanish, and latino culture in general.

Sometimes kids aren't as easy to program as your clock. Brandy's plea for everyone to be on their best behavior because they represent their minority isn't as kooky as it may seem. Maybe the rest of you are blessed with entirely logical, non-stubborn, non-hardheaded kids. I am not. For whatever reason (possibly the Asperger's) my child will judge your entire minority (whatever it may be) based on just a few traits, exhibited by just a few people. I can't even imagine the struggle we'd have with racism if the Mexicans in our life were not wonderful people whom we truly love.

We laugh a lot about racism in our house, not because we think it's ok, but because we're not sure how to combat it. Truly- be on your best behavior and represent your family (forget race and minority status) well at all times. Little ones are watching and learning from us. The only way we can teach our children is through our own actions- and sometimes even that isn't enough.

Mrs. B. Roth said...

Nope, no thanks. I've talked to them on several occasions. I don't find their reasoning valid (we just mowed the lawn, so please tell your kids to stay off it). I don't think they are reasonable. What I really think, like my favorite lesbians, like me here on my blog representing a crazy religion, I think people think things about me and it effects how I act.

We all need to walk around assuming everyone loves us. Everyone you meet thinks you rock. Talk like your old friends. BUT if it turns out you just don't jive, why? Why put more effort into it?

I will be civil and avoidy. And I will discriminate between my neighbors because that's what we do all day every day. We prefer one thing or person or activity over another. If the perceived benefit is greater, you're more likely to do it. It's not bad, per se, it's how you get by in life. You make choices, i.e. you discriminate.

And Ben is freaking awesome ... I don't know what to say ... can I fall back to I don't think marriage should be a state institution? I can't separate my marriage definition from my religious convictions and that gets stronger week by week. But I recognize that my religious convictions are not solid ground for laws (some would argue there is no better basis, I hold to separation of church and state ... I can't get behind the legislation of morality).

I sincerely think the best answer is universal civil unions for all. Please, please, please tell me why that isn't a good solution?????? Would you really REALLY rather fight forever? Perhaps in vain? Society will accept it, it will be better.

*big sigh*

I just wish I could help.

Amy said...

I hope there is more to the trouble with you neighbors than they asked him to stay off their lawn. To me that was a very valid request on their part. Some people take extreme pride in their yards and don't want other peoples children or animals in their yards.

The other thing I thought of is this, you mentioned that they are an example of their race to your son. So what if others have looked at them the same way, what if they are more uptight about their yard because they now that if they don't keep it up people will assume it's because they are minorities and don't care or worse yet don't know better, instead of that they are busy.

My husband has really let our yard go this year because of his very bad back, however we haven't been criticized for it by the neighbors, in fact they have just laughed and said it happens. But I am very sure that it wouldn't be the same if it was the minority family renting the home down the street.

I don't know if it will help but maybe if you can see a reason for their attitude it will help a little in how you feel about them. It doesn't sound like you will ever be friends but maybe you can at least look at them differently.

Baby Olivia said...

Basically, it all boils down to respect....

Thanks Amy--you put it the way I wanted to say it. (You know, they might also have had chemicals on the lawn too....)


But, you're right, Brandy, it is your choice how to handle the situation.....but if you want them to be friendly because they represent their group you might consider doing the same. Being civil doesn't seem like the same thing to me, but, hey, I am not your neighbor.

And I wish Crichton well and hope that he continues to have great self-esteem...he is a great kid!

Respectfully,
Catherine

Amy Btw M said...

Wow, so many people nitpicking over the neighbors. I think the whole point was that everybody is representing some sort of group. Whether it's race, religion, old folks, kids or people who obsess over Star Trek. The point wasn't the crabby neighbors. The point was that people do make assumptions, starting from childhood throughout life. One bad experience, no matter who it is with, will help in forming an opinion. I think that is the main point, that we do need to be on our best behavior, live by the golden rule and treat others how we would want to be treated - with kindness.