364

My daughter is 364 days old today.

She's a fast crawler and a wobbly walker.


She likes to feed herself and knocks the spoon out of my hand if I try to feed her.



She has a wicked cute smile; she crinkles her nose.






(hold on, she's also the poopingest little thing ... doodie calls)




She's observant. She's happy and tough. She enjoys playing with her big brothers. She loves to look at books and be read to. And eat dirt. And splash in the bathtub. She's a calm, easy going sweet little creature. She's been sleeping through the night since she was a couple of months old (for the most part, there were a few hiccups). Balloons excite her. She's also big on destroying Canon's train tracks. It's fun to watch Canon The Annoyer find himself annoyed. She's finding her voice and what a loud piercing voice it seems to be!



I wanted this little girl so badly. Wanted a daughter, wanted an opportunity to have a great mother-daughter relationship. Sometimes, when we're smiling at our reflections in a mirror, I beg her to never hate me, to always like me. I feel more vulnerable and exposed to her than my boys or my husband. I need her - it's kind of like redemption I am looking for. Like if I can be a perfect mom to her, it will make up for my childhood. If I can have a brilliant relationship with her, I can erase my first mother-daughter relationship. I had very little control back then, and so much now. If I'm very careful - I can be there for her, listen to her, support her, provide boundaries, teach her how to set goals, pay bills, tell her the truth about guys, help her become the woman she is meant to be.


God gave me a daughter. A magical beautiful little daughter. If I believed in the zodiac, I might be concerned that we're both Geminis - seems like quadruple the trouble. But right now, I'm too busy watching her explore the world. She's very good at entertaining herself for long periods of time, but then she comes looking for me. She'll lean against me or crawl into my lap, lay her head on me, and pop her two little fingers in her mouth.

My sweet little Sagan. Love you baby girl.