You're Here For WHAT?!

You track your blog right? How many, from where, what they click on, etc., right? I also like to see what words they typed into Google before they were referred to me. Here are the 5 most interesting/entertaining/awful key word referrals to my blog (and by five, I mean five is my favorite number and it has no bearing on how many items will be in the following list):

1. A while back I "accidentally" discovered the recipe for deadly chlorine gas as I was cleaning out the litter box with Clorox, and died. I could be saving lives with my blog. Or encouraging dirty cat boxes.

• bleach and cat pee sizzles [yes it does]
• pee on bleach
  
• I nearly gassed myself with bleach
• chlorine gas when pregnant [yikes ... really yikes. Make the husband/baby-daddy take care of the kitty litter when pregnant. It's the #1 pregnant perk]
  
• bleach and ammonia king of the hill [King of the Hill could have saved my life ...]
  

2. People often come here for information on how to get pink eye. I have lots of suggestion.

• how to give yourself pink eye
  
• my eye just got bloodshot in a matter of ten minutes, is this pink eye?
• dirty litter box pink eye
  
• can you get pink eye from a litter box [eye bet you could]
  
• pinkeye nose wiping [gross]
• antibacterial soap for pink eye [I used my handy dandy leftover prescription antibiotic eye drops - it hurts when you get soap in your eye]
  

3. And for some reason, I get a lot of housework related referrals. If you do a search on my blog for dishes+laundry+housework you get a compilation of how I go crazy a lot and fight with my husband about who should be doing what. This is probably NOT the blog to find the following:

• how do i make my wife do laundry [if you find out, my husband would like that information very much]
• wash dishes dalai lama [does he provide and in-home service? sign me up!]
• do they need to wash dishes or laundry [both, it's always both]
• how do they wash dishes or laundry [i don't]
  
• research+how often should you do laundry [when you are out of clean underwear]
  
• getting laundry washed gay [couldn't have said it better myself]
• love to do laundry [Whisky Tango Foxtrot? Must not have a washer and dryer two floors away from the bedrooms and closets]

4. I recently read The Handmaid's Tale and titled my post "I Can Read - Nolite te Bastardes Carboundorum". But I never provided the translation in my post. Now, all these poor souls who evidently haven't bothered to KEEP READING the book, end up here and STILL don't get the answer.

• nolite te bastardes carborundorum atwood
• nolite te bastardes carborundorum translation
• what is the name of the former Offred in Handmaid's tale [Offred]
• nolite te bastardes carborundorum [OK you lazy slacker, it means "Don't let the bastards grind you down" essentially. But if you'd just keep reading a little further, the guy tells her]
  

5. It seems like people are kind of obsessed with using the internet for nefarious purposes! Shocking!

• Mrs. B. Nipple [possible just an unfortunate name]
• sick sick smoking free porn [sorry, unless you like the Hoff, you are out of luck]
• her boobs on fire [ow! but represented]
• show me how to change diapers from beginning to end [uh ... no]
• order gay boy
• mysterious gay boys video
  
• saggy milk sacks [at least it's nice to be appreciated]
• going all the way on a first date [guilty, but only after ten years of marriage]
• underwear
  
• camera inside a vagina [I could show you inside my uterus - good enough?]
  

6. Here are two random entries which I have no idea how they relate to my blog, however they seem to be related to each other.

• Tiffany got laid got laid by postmaster in post office [there was my tribute to the mailman, but it was just a blog post, nothing more, I swear]
• Tiffany Watkins lost camera [don't look here ... maybe, see above?]

7. How to clean Sharpie. That age old dilemma. I CAN help!

• clean sharpie off carpet
• clean sharpie off upholstery
• sharpie carpet
  

8. And some more random keywords people typed into a search engine and ended up with me:

• nanny mcpoopooflakes
• WEAK, !I HAVE BEEN TRYING FOR WEEK, BARLEY SPEAK%
• what can i do to fix the waist on my pants. its too high. [buy new pants]
  
• I hope that you didn't mind too much
• nuskin mormon affiliation [I've wondered about that myself. Suspicious, no?]
• roth pi [mmmmmmm]
• where's the chocolate [I'll never tell]
• "I forget now"
• "......and it bothers me that it bothers me"
• what happened to anakin's cutof legs
• rude apple
• "fuse 8"
• stupid things my mom made me wear
• roth gay marriage [gay as in gay or gay as in stupid?]
• greg crichton insurance[yes ... but why are you checking?]
• "smoking a pipe"
• bit of a stupid thing to say [NOW your at the right place.]

And with that, I'll stop.

You get anyone looking for weird stuff?