No one cares what the answer is, it's something to say so you don't have to stand in awkward silence.
Go ahead, ask me how I am today.
Fine.
I am just motherloving freaking fine.
How many times can someone hear how much they suck before they quit? How did my brain get so messed up? Am I crazy? I try so hard to explain how serious I am, how serious the situation is ... oh, I see, I am the problem. Ok, you're probably right, but I don't know how to fix it. I just know I need NEED to get out of here. I need some help, I need a break, I need some time, I need something ... what do I need?
I don't need to be told the dishes haven't been done, I don't need to be asked if there is any clean laundry, I don't need to have it rubbed in my face that I went to Wendy's for lunch yesterday, I don't need a random call for a ride just as my baby gets to sleep, I don't need to be asked why I'm torturing the baby when I'm gently trying to get her to lay down and sleep at 4 am, I don't need to be told I should go get a job because I suck as a housewife. Yeah. I don't need any of that.
It probably is my fault, all the problems stem from me. If only I could keep the house clean, do the laundry, fix all the meals, stay happy, clean up, get up, work out, look great, play with the kids, teach the kids, drive the kids to their activities, change the kitty litter, magically pull money out of my ass, pay the bills, be available any old time, never need a break, never lose my temper, never get emotional, never need anything from anyone ... is that what I need to be to be perfect?
I just want to be mean, I want to criticize everyone, point out their stupid selfish flaws and complain about their short comings. I want to deflect attention away from me. I'm sure it's all my fault, but I don't know what to do.
On Sunday, there was a scrap of paper on the floor after Primary. I picked it up and it was a message from God ... I'll take that advice now and perhaps, just maybe, God will have helped me not go crazy today.
20 Brilliant Bits of Inspiration:
So people who work normal 40 hour a week jobs take time off. They have weekends and vacations and can even take sick days. A stay at home mom can't do this. But you need a break too. You are taking care of a lot of things right now, if you are too exhausted then you're not going to be able to keep doing it. Then you feel grumpy and crabby.
YOU NEED A BREAK. Your husband has to get this. YOU NEED TO TAKE A BREAK. Just a weekend, just a couple days. Doesn't have to be something super expensive. Just a rest. No laundry, dishes, rides, crying, etc. Just you, relaxing and recharging.
tell it to the man
..and this is why I am a bad counselor. I never know what to say.
There is so much I want to say about stress triggers and finding internal validation, yada yada..but you dont know me and you probably dont want to hear all of that crap. :)
So, instead, I will just give you a little unsolicited advice:
1. Mambinki is right. You need a break NOW. You need sleep and TV shows without singing and dancing animated characters. You need food you didnt cook and time to read an entire book- uninterupted.
2. You need recognition. People who have a job outside the home get payment as recognition, or a promotion, or a pat on the back. Its a simple reality that people need external validation to survive. You dont need to feel bad about asking for it.
3. You are not alone. There is a reason that anti-depressants are so popular with LDS moms and women. Because we and everyone else has IMPOSSIBLE expectations for us. You can't keep an immaculate house, look like you stepped off the cover of some magazine, voluteer with the special Olypmics, be Relief Society President, and raise 11 children who sit QUIETLY in sacrament meeting. (unless you are on some heavy meds..like depakote and then also some stimulants)
4. Ok..I HATE myself for doing this, but I have to reccomend a song that makes me SO MUCH BETTER when I am depressed/angry/apathetic/crazy.
It's called "Back in His Arms". I am going to put it on my blog right now! Its the only Christian song I will listen to. :)
Anyway, sorry for rambling like a crazy person.
If you figure out how to pull money out of your ass could you teach me? That is a skill that could really come in handy at our house!
Cut yourself some slack. Being a mom is hard work and having to deal with parenting your parent on top of it can only make life more stressful. Walk away. Take the kids with you and go visit the park, a friend, sit on a bench at the mall. Whatever it takes just get away from home and be for a while. Forget "Do stuff." Just be.
Do you hear an echo?
"You need a break"
I agree. Go to the park, but wait until it rains. Go play in the rain. It is so much fun. (just remember to give everyone hot showers immediately after. so no one gets sick) No one plays in the rain anymore. It's invigorating. Trust me. I think I'll go out too when the rain begins.
OH MY GOSH I have felt exactly the same way lately. I am soooo freakin' sick of being a stay at home mom right now!
You do need a break.
I actually wish my wife would take more breaks for herself. Mostly her "breaks" consist of shopping without me or the kid in tow. She enjoys seeing how much money she can save on stuff we need anyway. Other than that, she is such a homebody.
So, while my own wife may not listen to me... maybe you will... take more breaks! Dr. Laura opened her show today talking about this very subject.
I went out and played in the rain. Did You? I hope so. It was a warmer day than you would have thought and the rain was glorious. I posted some pics on my blog. I hope it was a better day.
Oh, and for the record, I care how you are today.
Right there with you. The other day I just wanted everyone to go away and leave me alone.
Which leads me to my next point-- make everyone leave. My best "breaks" are when my husband loads the kids in the car and leaves me alone. Just me, in a quiet house.
And really, give yourself "do nothing" days. Mine are usually Mondays. I am not productive on Mondays. Once I stopped trying to be, life became much happier.
Feel better!!
What did that one general authority say a couple of conferences ago? It was about stay at home moms and not expecting water from an empty well. He suggested an evening class or getting a whole Saturday off. I can't remember it exactly.
I agree with Mambinki. You need a break. Big time. And a pay raise. (ha! LOL)
Even people who work all day long (and stay late) don't work ALL the time....there's downtime, bathroom breaks, lunch hour, time to chat with your coworkers, etc. That just doesn't happen when you have a toddler telling you "Mom-mmee......talk to meeee!!!!......Mommm-mmmeeee, nobody is playing with me....play with meeeeee!"
I take antidepressants, but they're not for everyone. I've had depression, in various forms, since 2003. There. I've admitted it. I also see a psychiatrist (you have to to be on the meds, but she's also currently serving as my therapist since I lost my really good one when we moved away from St. Louis.)
Anyway, I'm not LDS, I only have one kid not three and I'm not breastfeeding AND simultaneously pottytraining, but I just wanted to say that I hear you, especially when you write "tell it to the man."
I'm listening, and I hear you.
Thanks,
Catherine
PS--LoriAnn you are soooo right especailly about needing recognition! Thanks.
I so hear it when you say, 'tell it to the man" The problem, at least in my house, is that the work situation just gets worse as you take your break....and then you can't even really enjoy the break since you know it's just piling up more and more.
I can tell you (from my perspective) that it sucks to be the go-to person in the family; the one that always takes care of everything and always has to be stable and do favors for everyone else and handle their needs....but then you just sit there in the corner while yours remain invisible. In other words, the 'servant class' of the family (to paraphrase my good friend Tony).
Anyway, thanks for letting me crab on and on.....and I hope that tomorrow is a better day.
Here's your break. It has your name on it.
I was lucky enough to go to the Relief Society Birthday Party tonight with my MIL. The keynote speaker had everyone hold their hands out palms up. She then reminded us that God gave us two hands- one to give with and the other to recieve. She made us all join hands and demonstrated how the chain breaks when someone fails to receive as well as give. In order to allow everyone their place in the chain you have to ask for and accept help when you need it. The company of women really is a blessing. Women look at the world a little bit differently and moms understand what you're going through because they've experienced the same (or similiar) things.
HOLY COW!! I feel the same way!! I also work a full time job as well as be a full time stepmom and wife. The man doesn't fully understand what I really do. I have a breakdown at least once a week, sometimes twice. I cry and lock myself in my room and just need a moment to myself...all by myself. I just need a break or a timeout.
I think husbands don't realize we woman/wives need a break from EVERYTHING. including cleaning, laundry, cooking, taking care of the kids and the them.
We need a break from ourselves sometimes as well.
I hope you're able to have a few moments to rest soon. Most of all I think your efforts need to be appreciated.
Do you like spa treatments?
I don't like to be touched by strangers. I can barely imagine a torture worse than lying naked with someone whom I've never met's hands all over me. And I'm ticklish. No - spa treatments are not for me. (shudder)
Ok... LOL. Torture is definitely not needed! Does the same apply even for manicures or facials? I wanted to send a gift card if you liked them. :)
Although it sounds like you found something much better for your tranquility.
Who says you should do all those crazy things anyway? Seriously, if you could limit your list a little it might help. How about just paring it down to the dishes and the money out of the ass thing? See? Manageable.
Hope you are feeling better now =)
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