I don't care.
I just can't.
I'm so sorry.
I'm tired of writing about politics, religion, social issues, politics, and religion. It goes nowhere. When you are in a debate, in an argument, you have to nail down exactly what the topic is, the resolution, they call it. These topics I've been looking at, thinking about, developing, fighting ... they are a trick. Stupid waste of my time.
I am a mom. With two of the poopingest kids ever in diapers in my home. Three of the most interesting, smartest, funniest human beings, four if you count my husband (and I do). And I blog about gay marriage? Welfare? hmmm...
And here is me: checking my stats, subscriptions, comments, email.
I'm a fool. I am no one - I have no advice, no wisdom. I'm a mistake.
I am also sick and sleep deprived and probably oxygen low.
I have 100%. Everything I do takes away from everything else. I wasted a lot of time (WASTED!) worrying about gay marriage, being fair, prop 8, separation of church and state, trying to sort out my feeling, justifications, apologies; trying to be clever, witty, fair, calm, entertaining, thoughtful, considerate. If I'd put all that energy into POTTY TRAINING MY KID, or reading, playing, writing, or improving my marriage ...
Like everyone else, I'm struggling with balancing my priorities. I struggle with what I should write here, who I want you to think I am, how much I want you to like me ... I get upset when someone says, your dumb, I don't wanna read your crap anymore. My blog ... this thing ... a monster, a life of it's own.
Those kids, my man ...
This should go in the draft folder with several other posts of late ... I'll publish this, not because I'm proud of it, not because I've got nothing else for you ...
Not quitting, just tired of going back where I've been. Useless. My blog ... maybe I just need to sit and think what this blog is for and where I want to take it.
Thinking is good.
Silence is kind.
10 Brilliant Bits of Inspiration:
Hang in there. Remember people often get the most out of examples. When you write about loving your kids, you write about religion. When you write about donating most of your possessions, you write about social issues. When you write about living a genuine, if imperfect life, you write about what makes us ALL beautifully flawed and wonderfully human. (And we need each other to reach our fullest humanity). Maybe watch something silly today and laugh for a little while, try to take the day off for yourself. Hopefully tomorrow will be a brighter day.
I know exactly how you feel. I get in over my head sometimes with politics, religion, gay marriage, issues that I care about but don't necessarily understand. But I try to understand, and so do you. I can see that very clearly. And it really bothers me that when people don't like the conclusions you reach they get bitter and angry and personal and mean. It's too bad. I see why it happens though. Some of these topics are so emotional, and so fraught with difficulty, and it's really hard for one side to see where the other side is coming from, or even listen to them sometimes. And I think you know my opinion about the whole notion of "us and them." I don't buy it. My tribe is the human race. Gays are in it, Mormons are in it, Republicans, Democrats, Vegetarians, Meat-Eaters... You get the picture.
I think you need a pretty thick skin if you're going to take on some of the topics you take on. Don't be too hard on yourself. If you're trying to be a decent person to the best of your ability every day, you can rest easy at night. Some people aren't going to understand you or agree with you or like you. It's okay. Just do your best.
Hi! I've become a recent reader of your blog through my sister, Lori (crazy Rush debate :) ) I think I can relate. I stay home with my four children, and I know sometimes I am looking for something to think about (or distract myself) and get my heart beating faster. Anyway, I love your blog. Your posts are so interesting, no matter the topic. I especially liked your plea to your husband to come home a couple hours earlier post.
I've felt the same way. I think that people have a choice of whether or not to read your blog. If they don't like it, they can quit reading. Your blog is yours, it's for you. Do whatever you want!
I got nothing for you. You're a lot braver than me... I just don't go there.
Hang in there. I love your blog, but it's not worth it if it's sucking the life out of you, you know?
i respect you. very very true things you've said. thanks.
I hate to go against the tide, and maybe this is because I am not a mom, but I love your blog the way it is. Some blogs about the crazy (but cute) kids, some blogs about marriage and what it means, and every once in a while, a thought provoking or controversial blog. You have a unique voice and I think the world would be less for not hearing it. Yes, I want your secret recipes, and I want to celebrate when you finally get your next child potty trained, but I also want to know what you think about abstinence only sex ed, and how to overhaul the dealth care system and the death penalty, etc. Don't let the uniformed judgements of a few people invalidate what you have done with this blog and make you second guess yourself.
The very best part about having a community of bloggers is when you feel bummed out and your kids have driven you crazy and your husband is working late and your house is a mess ... strangers you have never met feel compelled to say "Cheer up, now!"
Thank you all so much for your soft words and kindness. I love you.
I won't be as elegant, but I have to agree with Lori Ann. I enjoy the variety. The political and social commentary is mind-stimulating and watching your daughter enjoy such a simple pleasure as "raspberries" is so important of a reminder!
Keep blogging. Please. :) About whatever YOU feel like blogging about. That's what makes it beautiful, whether I agree or not.
I just want to send hugs. I know it takes a lot of work for me to not feel threatened by people who think and believe differently -- and I can see from comments that I get when I express an opinion that the same holds true for other people. It's hard to have a conversation and a dialog without getting weighed down in defensive debate. Hope today is a better day.
Post a Comment