When I was 17, my dad loaned me his copy of Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat Lying Idiot and I believed every word of it. I still do. Plus, drugs.
And yet, like Martha Stewart, he goes on like nothing happened.
Where was I going? Oh yes, the US Welfare system.
Today, I stopped by this blog and, for the most part, agreed. I have my west coast social worker type friend who is awesome for making us aware of how great the need for social programs are, but today's blog is a good bookend ... geographically and philosophically.
People don't just need ambiguous, random, expensive help, they need guidance - to quote: "They don't even know how to begin the constitutionally guaranteed 'pursuit of happiness'. At best, they pursue pleasure, mistakenly equating it with happiness."
Happiness. Sweet, sweet happiness.
Anyway - I'm still sick, so the best I can do is send you to blogs written by people with fully functioning brains. Best of luck.
15 Brilliant Bits of Inspiration:
Was that woman's post a JOKE? I reread it twice, because I thought it was a joke, and then I realized that maybe she was serious.
I'm sorry, but I don't think I can read your blog anymore. It offends me on so many levels, but as Mambinki wrote, we all get to choose who we read.
Hold your horses, Kelly (if it's not too late) - see this is what confuses me ... it seems irresponsible to only read/interact with people you mostly agree with. Sure their words validate you point of view, but that is the very definition of closed minded - only willing to see one side, the other is useless, right?
You (the general you, all of us) use your handy dandy stereo-types to make an opinion about a person, then we know if we agree/like them or not.
hmmm, Limbaugh loving conservative? she must be a heartless hater w/nothing of value to say!
People do that to me almost daily. mormon mommy against gay marriage? she must hate all gays and be a blind sheep
If you read through to the bottom, she's saying some very relevant and important things, things that I, as a product of the welfare system, agree with. I saw my parents, using their money for cigarettes, occult supplies, and junk food, and fresh lobster. I saw them turn down the church's offer for food because it would require working at the DI (the church thrift store). Welfare money is free, no strings, no obligations (besides the paper work and "looking" for work).
The welfare system dehumanizes people, it steals every shread of dignity and humanity. Deep down, we all want to contribute and we know we should be contributing or why be alive?
Stay-at-home moms struggle with that - what am I doing, just hanging out with kids everyday. We struggle with recognizing that just being there to love and raise our kids is an important contribution to society. But on top of that, we can help out at the schools, libraries, once the kid are in school - the opportunities for those hours are infinite.
The way the welfare system runs, we tell folks we don't expect anything of them and they completely fulfill those expectations. When we expect more of people, they become more, when we let them see that goals can be accomplished, that they can be something, they will struggle (because it is hard), but people are amazing!
Look, I'm working on 100 push-ups and a 5K - When my chart says to 5 sets, 24, 30, 21, 21, 32+, I think, okay I know I can do the 24, but the 30? Then I set the goal, try hard and make it. and at the end, I say, I'm going to go for 35 ... my mind knows the goal, it saves exactly enough strength that I make it. I think that's how our minds are set up: our limit is the one we believe.
I haven't read the other woman's post but I will say that I couldn't agree with you more about the problem with welfare.
People Do NOT value what they do not pay for or contribute to. Much of the news footage after Hurricane Katrina confirmed this. The attitude that it was all the government's fault and that everyone is owed new homes etc.
I believe it was Benjamin Franklin who said that once the people realize they can vote themselves money, we will lose our freedom. That's a paraphrase of the quote but the sentiment is the same.
I grew up poor as well but we were never on welfare. Instead my Dad worked 14 hours per day and my Mom did hair at home to make ends meet. How many people in our society today have the kind of character to do that? The answer is NOT ENOUGH.
WOW! You are brave! I am getting a glimpse into your life, blogging about controversial things, but I never thought I would get hate mail on my first try! :) Good thing I served a mission..it taught me to be emotionally detached from the criticism of strangers:) Anyway, I LOVED what you had to say to Kelly. And Kelly, (if you haven't abandoned ship) I was excited to read your blog and get your perspective, since it seems so different from mine own, but alas, it was private.
You know, as anyone who reads my blog does, that I don't toil away as a social worker giving people money so they can buy flat screen televisions. Assuming all social services and liberal perspecives support this and only exist to give welfare checks is simply uninformed. This type of judgemental divisive attitude in such a time of crisis in this country, for so many people and on so many levels, now THAT is cruel.
By the way, the link to my blog is incorrect. Thanks for the small shout out though.
Sorry Mambinki ... fixed it (did I mention I ought not blog when ill ... yeah .. just one more reason).
But the problem is, at least when I was a welfare leach, you get your food stamps and it's just for FOOD, then you get a regular check you can buy whatever. If you don't know how to budget, how to buy what you need FIRST, if a large part of your life is watching TV/movies/video games (like most Americans), a big TV seems like a priority and nothing's stopping you from using the welfare money to get a big TV and buy super extended cable instead of getting your kids some new shoes.
And then there are the credit card companies, offering to put people with bad credit in even direr straights ...
I KNOW welfare is much more than giving poor people free money - and as a society, we especially need to make sure the children of the poor are getting a great education and learning how to overcome poverty (and not just by marrying up, like me). But, you know, if a person is dealing with drug addiction, we want to help them and their kids, but we need to expect them not to use drugs if they want public money. Things like that. Perhaps some of us stay-at-home moms who have a couple things together can help welfare moms with things like budgets and cooking. Make us all feel a little more contributary.
I'm sorry, I really can't think things out well today ... I'm not gonna post for the rest of the week, no comments, nothing ... I have a couple posts in queue, I'll have to make sure they are not obscene, but other than that ... feel free to discuss amongst yourselves ... again ...sorry and good day.
Two pieces of hate mail! Cha-Ching! And who knows how many more did not take the time to write. :)
Ok,
First I had a lengthy personal defense prepared for those that did not like or agree with my blog.
Then I erased that and created a lengthy apology because I hate when people dont like me.
I ended somewhere in the middle.
If you disagree with me- thats great. It means you feel something about this issue. I am sorry if I offended you. I am speaking out of frustation, not out of hate.
Its not even the flat screens that bother me.
Its the lack of caring about the basic needs of their kids. I can't understand it.
I have so many clients who dont care if their kids go to school, or have warm clothes, or eat balanced meals.
I have parents who dont want their kids to get better because when they are disabled or mentally ill, they get a bigger check for them.
I have kids who beg me to take them home with me at night because their mom is already passed out drunk and their stepdad is out getting high. And if I try to call them to task, they drop the service I provide so then I can do nothing for their kids.
I am not mad because they are getting stuff for free. I am mad because they are getting stuff for free so that, in theory, they can do more for these kids and too many of them are not.
What do we do? How can we do more than treat the symptoms? How do we fix the problem..I sincerely am asking.
Brandy, you know I have nothing but love for you.
Lori Ann, this work can be really frustrating and if the answers were simple, we'd get paid a lot and everyone would be happy. Take a look at information out there on historical trauma and intergenerational trauma, I think this helps a service provider understand more about the symptoms of careless parenting and what can be done to empower people in their lives. This is very tough and I think of it as 'seed planting' work- you rarely see any results but for many people you may be planting a seed that will grow much later in their lives.
Don't forget to have a sense of humor and a belief system of some kind that helps you still care about people even when they seem awful. :)
I can point you in the direction of some information if you'd like. I commend you for what you do and for asking the tough questions and wish you the best of luck.
I agreed with most of Lori Ann's post (I know, big suprise). The welfare system as it stands, does not work well. There are people who take advantage of the "freebies" and never live up to their potential. There are others who will not use public services, even when they're in dire need of help, because their values don't allow them to take something for nothing. I think the federal welfare system is bound to fail because it removes the problems and solutions from local control (and concern) and tries to provide a "bandaid" solution that fits everyone. Society is successful when:
1. Both the strong and the weak have food, shelter, and security.
2. The strong and weak both contribute to the solution.
3. The weak have the opportunity and support to become strong.
The current welfare system actually penalizes people for doing better. If they make just a little bit too much money they lose all benefits. There's no transitional phase where benefits gradually decrease as self-sufficiency increases. People end up having to make a choice between security and self-reliance. You just can't win when your choices are that limited.
Dear Lord in Heaven!! I know that you have been commenting on those whose use the system for lobster and smokes, but I have also been there as the single mother working my keester off to afford rent, food, car payment, electricity and daycare, (which the state did pay a portion) not all of us who need and use it, abuse it. With out the help, my small family would have eaten nothing instead of cereal and milk. I know the system needs work and I agree to that. But, it seems that you have forgotten that not everyone is an abuser. Also, if they have ever worked they have paid into that system same as you and I.
I've always thought that that it would be a nice idea to require people collecting welfare do some type of community service job or volunteer work. That way they are serving some other important purpose, not growing lazy and abusive of the system and may possibly get a good job through the connections they make in the community. I think as a country we need to find ways to still help people but in more productive ways where that help is earned by doing something good in return.
Okay, I've been sucked in again, but I think that it is a huge misconception to assume that people who benefit from social services DON'T work. Minimum wage jobs do not pay enough to support a family, and unfortunately, there are a lot of hard-working Americans relying on social services to help make ends meet. It's disparaging and entitled to assume that these people are lazy or not trying. When I had my son (who is now my beloved birth control baby), I was an undergraduate student and my husband was a graduate student. In order to make ends meet while my husband finished grad school, I worked as an Americorps volunteer at a family literacy center, and we used food stamps, WIC, and Medicaid to supplement our income. We were working very hard, and we were not buying flat screen tv's. Although I've never recieved it, I can guarantee you that cash assistance does not pay enough for flat screen tv's. That idea is ignorant.
My husband is now a college professor, we own a lovely home, my son is happy and healthy, and I will be starting graduate school in the Fall, but I will never forget the invaluable help that I received during my time of need. I hope that I never become filled with such entitlement, that I can't see or understand how many hard-working families love and care for their children and are working as much as possible to guarantee a positive future for them.
Sure, there are people who abuse the system, but these people are the minority. You wouldn't like it if I stereotyped all mormon mothers based upon my perception of a few, would you?
And if(rhetorically speaking)I did stereotype mormon mothers in this manner, or wrote about how mormon's shouldn't be allowed to marry, or wrote about how stay at home mom's don't contribute to society.... Would you choose to continue reading my blog? Or would you decide to spend your time on something more constructive?
I hope that you would choose NOT to waste your time on that kind of divisive rhetoric, and, under the circumstances, I wouldn't think less of you for being so "close minded".
Just when I promised myself I would comment again..
Kelly,
My response is mainly to you. I think the main point of difference is in how we define "welfare".
I do not begrudge one single person who is hard working and has fallen on hard times a single cent of medicaid or food stamp money.
The people that I work with are not these people.
Most of my clients pay little or no rent (Section 8), have utilities assistance, food stamps, medicaid for themselves and their kids, WIC, TANF and to top it all of, SSI. SSI can be up to 970 dollars a month.
Doesnt seem like much, buts its alot when you dont have any other bills to pay.
I try and work with their kids (who are getting SSI for their ADHD or ODD) but some parents have outright told me that they dont want their kids behaviors to improve because they could lose their check.
These are the same parents who have, yes, a flat screen. Of the 20 some families I have worked with over the 6 months, 11 have had flat screens and ALL have had cable and cell phones.
Most of the parents have worked little or not at all, so they have not paid into the system.
Unfortunately, in my field (I am a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with an MSW and I work with kids with an Axis one mental health diagnosis) these families are the MAJORITY and the minority are the ones who are getting services because they want their kids to do better.
So, I dont think what I have to say is a joke, and I dont think what you have to say is wrong.
I think our opinions and feelings are just colored by our different experiences.
Ok, I promise this is my last comment. I have enough seriousness in the kind of job I have..I blog for fun:)
Ok ... Can I clarify? I had a certain experience growing up, where I felt my parents and many of their peers abused the welfare system and failed to teach me vital life skills.
There are plenty of examples (two perfect ones in these comments) where people make certain choices, things don't work out, and they found themselves on hard times. They struggled and worked hard and were able to overcome the hard times with temporary help from the government. Especially in the case of a married couple in school - eventually one or both of you will graduate and be qualified for a decent job (we hope). That's how the welfare system ought to work.
But, there is a whole other side. People like my parents, with established families, who really weren't/aren't qualified for anything more than fast food or retail jobs, who aren't really motivated to work hard and be successful, who just don't have the hope of making a better life. They settle for what they can get now, even if they are just getting by.
My parents planned their life around what they would do after they won the freaking Idaho lottery.
SURE, a welfare check isn't enough to go out an buy a big TV, but it's enough to make the minimum payment to the credit card you put the TV on (which is how my parents managed their finances). Credit card companies hunt low income/bad credit people (or until just recently, they did). And those payday places ... sheesh.
This is the environment I, ME, BRANDY NICHOLE ANDERSON ROTH came from. Lucky I didn't get myself knocked up. Lucky I didn't get addicted to various substances. Lucky I loved school, loved reading. Education (or marrying up, which I did too) is the best hope for breaking out of the cycle, and only if your lucky.
I still STRUGGLE with understanding my husband's budget/bill paying system. Money management kicks my butt, and I'm a smart girl.
My mom is in her 50's, working in retail work (and lucky to do it), living with us (or she would STILL be on welfare or church assistance), still struggles to balance her checkbook with only one bill due a month. She has no retirement plan, no savings, barely basic health care through her work. In her old, old age, she will either be a drain on ME or all of us, depending on how I interpret the 5th Commandment.
How are your parents, Kelly? Just curious, will you be sandwiched like me someday, trying to help your kids and your parents? Or did your parents work hard to make sure they wouldn't be a burden on you? Because not only did mine NOT teach me the skills to be successful, they didn't have them to use ... so I, and people in my boat, get hit coming and going.
Some people don't realize they have potential and some just don't want to work hard and the government lets them all coast a bumpy road. It's a minority, but that doesn't mean it's okay, doesn't mean we just sit on our hands and let generation after generation squander their potential.
I am all about helping out my brothers and sisters, but teach them to fish, for Heaven's sake. Or at least teach the kids how to fish.
So, you see, I am not generalizing, not stereo-typing, I'm coming from personal first hand experience and begging society to stop PAYING parents to teach these horrible things to their kids. Not knowing how to work hard, not being able to take care of money.
Also, did you see my post TODAY? Cute baby girl? Isn't that much funner to talk about? huh? huh? isn't it? Hmm?
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