The very very basics - it takes a mom and a dad to make a baby. He didn't ask any follow ups.
We teased Milo about cutting off his fluffy testicles. Why? So he can't go out and make babies with the girl kitties. No follow ups.
Do I wait for follow ups? What goes on in his head. I don't want to give him more than he's ready for.
Like that commercial:
Kid: Daddy, what does sex mean?
Daddy: (big sigh, it's that time) Well, when a mommy and a daddy love each other very very much ...
*Transition*
Daddy: So, that's what sex is.
Kid: (holding up soccer sign up sheet) Uh, okay, but what do I put on the line after "sex?"
*****
If I could have any super powers it would be telepathy and divination. I hate surprises.
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So this morning, we're all still in bed (ALL 5 of us). Crichton is playing around with daddy, he says, "I'm gay," and kisses his dad. Canon yells, "I GAY!" and kisses everyone.
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A few days ago, Cri said, "Do you know what 'gay' means?"
"Yes. Do you?"
"Yes, it's when a boy wants to marry a boy or a girl wants to marry a girl."
"Yep, pretty much. Where did you hear that?"
"On TV - Chowder. Chowder is gay."
Chowder is on Cartoon network. We USED to watch cartoon network, we loved Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends. But then there was Camp Lazlo and really just a bunch of Ren and Stimpy knock-off type shows. We don't watch Cartoon Network anymore. Not at our house.
I Googled and YouTubed, because that's what parents do today. I couldn't find anything that discussed Chowder's gay agenda, but plenty of people think Chowder is gay, not gay gay. Stupid gay.
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So what do you say to your kid, your little boy, when he says, "I'm gay," and you know damn well he doesn't know what he's talking about?
THIS, this right here and now, is what the religious right, the ultra conservatives, the Pro Prop 8 folks are worked up about. The high school kids, I'm sure, talk about these issues all the time; it filters down down down until the first graders are teasing each other with kisses and calling each other gay, labeling each other with these words, these words that can confuse and hurt.
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Every homosexual person I know says they were born that way. I was born LDS. How much responsibility do we take for our actions and our choices? Nurture/nature. Everyone is born wanting to eat sweet, fat foods. I don't care to argue origin or choices today.
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Have you noticed that heterosexual men seem much more concerned about the homosexual label than heterosexual women? Mommies can kiss and hug and snuggle all her kids up like crazy, but daddies ... like we told Crichton, daddies are for hugs and high fives.
It made Crichton cry, at first, that daddy wasn't comfortable kissing him.
(Crichton cries a lot. He hates his name and thinks it's related to his emotions - Cry-ton, cry cry ... people warned us ...)
I'm not here to sugar coat or play pretend, most daddies I know simply aren't comfortable kissing their boys. Greg will kiss Cri on the top of the head, but rarely on the face. When he was smaller, a baby, it was no big deal. But now ... now we are teaching appropriate behavior, who what where when why and how. And we're gonna do it that best we can.
We're going to go with treat people with respect even if they do things you think are wrong. We make our choices but we don't pick our consequences.
We're also going with Heavenly Father set things up so that it takes and mommy and a daddy to make a baby. Having both a mommy and a daddy makes the home balanced. When you need hugs and kisses, go to mommy. When you need wisdom and direction, that's daddy department (mind the cobwebs).
Your family may be different from mine and that's okay - I don't know my left from my right, I get lost so very easy ... and I'm not just talking geographically. At our house, dad is wisdom and direction. And wrestling. And bashing your head about.
Mommy is for hugs and kisses. Which is good, since I dole out the majority of time-outs and spankings. I have to make it better, show how much they are loved. That's how you do it, right?
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Homosexual people often say things like, "Do you really think anyone would CHOOSE this?" and, with all the pain and confusion is causes, is it really any wonder why we moms and dads try to shield are children from that road?
I think there is a spectrum, one end homosexual, bi in the middle, and hetero on the end. I wonder if it's not a bell graph, skewed by culture, preference, and society. We just don't get much unbiased research, though, do we? Everyone has their agenda. One side looking to prove it's normal, genetic, nature. One side trying to prove it's choice, preventable, fixable.
I am so tired of this topic and yet, I am drawn in again and again. There must be a reason.
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So. Because of who we are and what we believe and what we hope for and where we live and everything: boys don't kiss boys.
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This place and time; sometimes I do feel like a stranger in a strange land.
14 Brilliant Bits of Inspiration:
My parents divored when I was 3 or 4, my father held our hands for longer than I thought was "cool". I don't remember giving or getting any kisses. But, my cousins and I kissed our grandpa goodbye on the lips until he died. I guess that might be weird, but nobody thought anything of it. My mom says Grandpa never kissed, hugged and rarely held hands with his children.
BTW, I am a convert--my family isn't.
Saw the story on you and Mormon Mommy Blogs at religiondisptatches.org
Made a post at for the most part progressive Baptist discussion board.
Wondering if a thinking Mormon Mom like yourself has read Harold Bloom's The American Religion, comparing Mormons to Baptists.
And you may find Susan Shaw's book God Speaks to Us Too about her pilgrimage out of Baptist fundamentalism fascinating; taking off from her Mom's Bible Study group in Georgia.
Will be checking in at rd.org and here to see if the conversation progresses.
fox - I have not read either book, but both sound enlightening. I'm sorry, I don't know how to get to the discussion boards, got an easy link for me?
Oh, please don't rule yourself out of the wisdom-imparting category! After all, you want your sons to listen to their wives someday, right? And think their little sister is smart too!
And in my humble opinion, daddy kisses are priceless. :)
vesperstar - no, you're right, we want the boys to know that really, girls are smarter than boys, and I don't care what anyone says, it is absolutely true. I just tend to go crazy exponentially oftener than daddy.
Dad is a level playing field of wisdom.
Mom. Mom can find anything, mom knows that there are 4 food groups and each would like a place on every plate at every meal. But also, mom doesn't believe in Chemistry and has great doubt about Physics. And Calculus. Mom will get us places on time, but only if she guesses left and right correctly.
Daddies can kiss their daughters, but hi-five the boys ...
Your post reminded me of an incident that happened when I was about Crichton's age. I washed my hair in the sink at Grandma and Grandpa's house and wrapped my towel around my head. When I looked in the mirror I shouted, "Look Grandma, I'm a virgin!" Grandma blew juice out of her nose she was laughing so hard. I didn't understand why she was so amused. The towel wrapped around my head looked very similiar to the headress pictured in the paintings of the Virgin Mary. Grandma was kind enough to explain to me what exactly makes a virgin a virgin. She also helped me do some research about historic clothing. Sometimes children, in their innocence, make remarks that don't sound very good. Thank goodness for innocence!
Do you really think it's appropriate to use "gay" as a substitute for "bad"? I'm not trying to be rude, just honestly asking. Would you want your children to use the word gay as a substitute for the word bad?
It's not a matter of what I want - sure I can say "don't say gay" but have you been to an elementary school lately? It is THE word right now. If you make a big deal over a word it gives it more power.
And Jen, just to clarify, we don't use the word gay to mean bad in our house and when Cri asked about it, he was using it correctly, well, correctly in that he didn't mean bad.
We used it to describe Happy Feet...
Well I'm glad you don't use it that way around your house, but you did use it that way on your blog. Basically what I was trying to get at, was if your son used it that way, would you tell him that was rude? Or would you be okay with it?
Nah, you're taking me out of context. From Boyz in the 'Hood - "don't quote me boyee I ain't said [merde]."
I was telling you what the Internet said about Chowder, not what I thought about Chowder. I think Chowder is kind of cute. And very obnoxious.
We don't use the word "gay" as a euphemism for stupid. Or happy. Sometimes homosexual, but that's 'cuz gay is one syllable and homosexual is 5 syllables and I am lazy, but only whilst talking with adults as these topics would not be discussed in the presence of children.
When my kids say words I don't approve of, I tell them we don't use that word, it's not appropriate. Calm and simple. Perhaps the F-bomb will get more of a reaction ... if I'm PMSy.
I just have a hard time getting riled up over words. Husband and I don't swear (much). If I was all "eff this mother effin' wookie-faced effin' weasel sucker" and then got upset when my kids said bad words (which is usually the case: parents swear, but tell kids not to), well, that would make me a hypocrite. If it's in the Bible, it's probably fine, as far as mommy is concerned, and as the kids get older, I plan on doling out bonus points for creative swears (creative doesn't equal profane, per se).
FY frikken I - GAY is in the Bible.
So now, I'm thinking I could just take it all back. It is in the BIBLE!
English is an ever evolving language. In another 50 years gay will probably simply mean happy again. As in, "Do you have a gay marriage?"
You're funny :)
II have to disagree with you here. My husband hugs and kisses our boys and I wouldn't have it any other way. It is a wholly acceptable form of affection in our house and I don't believe it has any connection to homosexuality at all and to say otherwise just seems a bit perverse to me.
I don't approve of homosexuality and believe it is a choice, whether conscious or not. A loving, affectionate father should never be in the same realm of homosexuality. Boys shouldn't marry boys and girls shouldn't marry girls, but daddy kisses are priceless, in my opinion and home.
I teach tolerance to my children and that we love Everyone, but we live by our own morals and standards-not the world's.
Sorry if I don't make much sense - I am home with the flu and am on some pretty good drugs!
Angela - you are right, some daddies are fine showing affection to their children, regardless of gender, kisses for everyone. I'm not suggesting that is wrong or questionable at all. I think children crave love from both parents. My little boy was crying that dad wouldn't kiss him ... I mean, I was stuck in an awkward awkward position, I know my husband just isn't comfortable with that much/type of affection. I'll give the kids extra loves to make up, I guess.
I think it is my husband's upbringing ... (in the in-laws are reading, hi, love you). The guys on his side all seem a bit overly concerned, y'know, about appearing light in the loafers. Some families are very touchy-feely, others not. I'm not passing judgment on one or the other. To my kids I am affectionate - to the rest of all humanity, I'm a little stand offish - not a hugger. But even that is a thing the kids have to learn - when things are appropriate, respecting an individuals right to not be affectionate. As they get older, especially in today's society, children have to be taught to be very careful about everything, and it's usually better to be safe than sorry.
This isn't as articulate as I'd like it to be ... hope the message comes across.
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