It must be Satan himself who has kept this universal cure-all a secret. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give to you, free of charge, How To Fix EVERY negative emotional issue by tickling.
Do you have whiny kids? Are you sick and tired of nagging, threatening, time-outs, and spanking? Next time you say, "Go clean out the kitty litter," and they say, "Why do I always have to do everything?!" Chase that kid down and tickle him until he agrees to do his duty.
Got yourself a little back-talker? Does, "I hate you, mommy," sting a little more than you'd like to admit? Take that monkey to the floor and tickle him until he's screaming, "LOVE YOU MOOOOMMMEEEE!!!"
"I don't like this food?" Tickle 'til they try it.
Are they ignoring you again? They can't ignore you when you're tickling them? Give them ONE chance, then, ATTACK!
Husband won't get out of bed and go to work? Every one is ticklish SOMEWHERE (and if not, there's always splashing water - though, husbands may retaliate to an extreme, so always have an exit plan in place. Be quick!)
EVERY TIME you feel that impatient, tired, angry you threatening to make you yell or lose your temper, go tickle the offending party. Tickling is now my FIRST disciplinary tactic, for kids and husband alike. It feels good to see people twitching and laughing (even if by force). Make sure you are tickling gently, though. Nothing is worse than that horrible hard tickling, ug. Nice tickles. Always listen; all will be lost if they start crying or pee their pants ('specially a spouse!). So, when they yell, "STOP!" go ahead and take a break to see if they are ready to bend to your will. However, if they refuse, tickle more.
Just for clarification, there may be some situations where, unfortunately, tickling may be inappropriate. Such instances may include, but are not limited to, the following;
- If your boss or coworker is being grumpy, tickling is probably not the best way to go. Let me recommend avoidance and efficiency.
- If the waitress is exceptionally slow or otherwise incompetent, yeah, don't tickle her, let your tip reflect your level of dissatisfaction.
- If the police officer says, "Do you know how fast you were going?" don't respond with, "Do you want a tickle?" Just apologize and give him your license and registration.
- If you are selling something (Mary Kay, Pampered Chef, whatever), should a potential customer tell you they aren't interested, let them go. Don't chase them down and tickle them until they promise to buy the lip gloss.
- If you are foolish enough to shop at Wal-Mart and doubly foolish enough to want to buy a large piece of build-it-yourself furniture, do not tickle-attack employees until one of them helps you heft it. (I suggest shopping somewhere else).
2 Brilliant Bits of Inspiration:
Thank you for adding the list of disclaimers.. I had just been writing a note to myself to "tickle boss until she agrees to a raise". Whew. Good think I read the whole post, or that would have been one awkward situation! I think you need to market this idea!
Very funny and true! My husband also goes extremely overboard when I splash one tiny little bit of water on him. How is an ounce equal to a flood anyway? Very unfair, I tell you
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