A Work of Fiction and Guidelines For A Perfect Marriage

I finished a book (I'm not doing so well with my book a week goal ... alas). It was a big fat book of short stories by Orson Scott Card, called Keeper of Dreams. Card is almost always a good read. One story I really liked is called Feed the Baby of Love. It was almost painful for me to read. The main character is a Joni Mitchell kind of famous singer who has "gone underground" to get her groove back, find a muse, something. She ends up working in a diner in a small town. She meets this nice married accountant guy, who recognizes her, loves her music, but doesn't tell her or anyone that he knows who she really is. By chance, she ends up participating in a silly board game the accountant and his friends play. While snooping a little around his house, she happens to find the guy's guitar and plays it, waking up the kids, then playing for his children. The guy ends up giving her a ride home and, on the way, she decides to take him. Let me quote:

...I'm planning to sleep with Douglas Spaulding tonight. He's mine if I want him, and I want him. Not forever, but tonight, this sweet lonely night when my music came back to me in his house, sitting on his bed, playing his guitar. Jaynanne [the wife] can spare me this one night, out of all her happiness. There'll be no pain for anyone, and joy for him and me, and there's nothing wrong with that, I don't care what anyone says.

Because I am who I am, this paragraph just killed me, really ripped me apart. I think about all that Greg and I have sacrificed to have the silly little bit of Heaven we have. We don't get to plan a trip to Europe or Hawaii, we rarely go to movies (especially the kind I like), we don't drink or do drugs (though I did find vitamins with caffeine, thus caffeine is now a vitamin). We keep a tight hold on our hearts (or I do, and pray God, Greg does, too), not allowing love (or lust) to go anywhere but to my beloved spouse. We do our best to meet each other's needs. It's perfect (not as in without flaw, but as in it works precisely as it has to), and it's hard, hard work.

But how strong or fragile is a marriage? How do you know where a weak spot might be? What if some horrible person tried to bust things open for selfish personal reasons?

When women call Dr. Laura about an affair, she asks if it was an event or a pattern of behavior. An event is forgivable, a pattern ... mmmm

But I don't know, even if it was an event, such a huge, gaping rip in the fabric of trust ...

Go buy the book or hang out in the book store for 20-30 minutes if you must know what poor Mr. Spaulding, small town accountant, does when given the opportunity to jump on the real life fantasy woman.

And, just for you, Brandy's guidelines; A "Perfect" Marriage is:

1. A Sexy Marriage - Have plenty of sex.

2. A Silly Marriage - Take all insults (whether intentionally or accidentally hurtful) as a joke. For example, if Greg were to call me a big, fat cow, I would squirt him with breast milk and moo. If I tell Greg he never listens, he says, "What?" Be silly.

3. A Prosperous Marriage - Don't get into debt. If you're already in debt ... well, I'm working on that myself, any advice? But it doesn't do any good to fight about it. Try #1 instead.

4. A Fair Fighting Marriage - When you're fighting, try to figure out what the real problem is and what the best solution is with as little crazy emotion as possible. Write it down or you'll forget. Remember these magical words, "You're probably right." "I'm sorry," is also helpful, if not followed by a but. If insults start to fly, see #2 - laugh.

5. A Nice Marriage - Do stuff for each other. Little things, like making a sandwich or cookies or the bed. Flirt like you're still dating. Rub the feet. Take care of yourself. Let them do fun stuff alone sometimes.

6. A Grateful Marriage - Say thank you as often as you can - for a glass of water, for an oil change, for letting you sleep in, for letting you take first shower, for making breakfast, for buying you a pizza when you wanted a grilled chicken salad. Say thank you and mean it.

7. A Fun and Happy Marriage - More of #1. And try to have a sense of humor about everything. Laugh. Have a funny marriage.

Got any other suggestions??

I feel better now.

To make you smile - I just went up to check on the kids - Canon (3) was half naked (the potty training half), spinning in the baby room's spinning rocking chair - baby girl was sitting up in her crib, laughing at him.

"We are being happy," he says.

All us stay at home whiner babies, who HAVE the perfect, perfect life ... it's not easy, it takes hard work ... but we, and mostly I mean ME, I need to stop complaining and enjoy the work.

Sigh, happy, sigh!