My Laptop Likes To Be Touched. A Lot.

Just for the record, the following screen shots came at a very, excessively, stupidly, high cost (time wise). My computer is ... a little needy. It's a cute red laptop. A little on the heavy side. A little slow - a lot slow. My husband somehow deleted my FAVORITE useful program (Movie mMaker) when he got rid of Vista "for me," exchanging it for Windows Beta 7 (or some such nonsense).

SO, when I'm on the Internet ... pages aren't loading very fast ... but if I rub the mouse pad, soft and fast, the pages load more promptly. I think my computer ... has some issues.

So today, as I obsessively check my in-boxes for hate mail, I see this little piece of spam:



Me + Pillsbury = Love?? I don't think so ... I'm on a diet, thankyouverymuch (a diet that lets me drink a large (apprx. 14 gallons) Pepsi at lunch with my Panda Express BBQ Pork and Sweet and Sour Pork and fried rice and cookies).

I click it open (rub rub rub), and the email says I have a Valentine. Hmmm .... so I have to click a link to another website, allegedly Pillsbury.com, to see my Valentine.

(ALL THE WHILE rubbing that mouse pad fast and soft, fast and soft, to get the pages to open a smidge faster)

Finally, here's my Valentine:


I have two theories:

1. My perverted little computer somehow sent me the email, forcing me to ... so it could ... whatever ... (my husband's a computer scientist, so we know about the weird stuff of which computers are capable. Believe it or not, but computers need a little loving sometimes. too).
2. Maybe I if I stopped clinking links, my computer would run faster without the ... rubbing ...
   

In conclusion, Greg, dear, darling, can I have Vista back ... and Movie Maker ... and stop doing things with/to my computer ... you're changing her and I don't think I like the computer she's becoming, ok?

Now to get this thing published (rub rub rub)...