In Case I Die Today

I'm not so very adventurous. I've got enough life shortening genetic potential that I don't need skydiving/watercrafting/ATVing/anything - I need to be careful.

BUT this weekend, I am taking my infant daughter and leaving the state; just us girls and a minivan. I'm sure most people wouldn't consider a baby shower in Nampa, ID high adventure, but most people haven't driven with me - I am cautious bordering on hazardous. I get lost in every mall I enter. I don't even really know my left from my right. Maps ... are art, not useful for directional information.

Now, just in case I die, I want to be able to speak from the grave to my boys:

Crichton, my dearest oldest son - my little rule follower, my too perfect child, such a good heart. You are very good and very smart, do something amazing for this world with those talents. My favorite thing about you is how affectionate you are, with me, with your sister ... you don't think you're too cool to show you love us. You're happy when you see me, at church, at school, you really like me. I don't suppose that will last forever, but for now, it melts my heart, kiddo. I meant to tell you this in person, but women are evil - ok? Give them the chance and they will crush your heart; don't waste your time with a mean girl - find a sweet, soft, nice girl (not like me), okay? And no girlfriends, no hand-holding, until you're at least 16. And no kissing until you're married. Keep your heart intact for as long as you can. You can do anything, don't be afraid to follow your biggest dream, you don't have to settle for someone else's dream for you. Everything always works out for the best.

Canon, you little goofball, my funny, contrary monkey. You have a wicked sense of humor, combined with angelic compassion. Your brother is a good friend and I hope you both remember Roths Stick Together; He'll help keep you out of trouble (and you'll help him get in a little). Make sure to condition your lovely blond hair. And brush those perfect white teeth. I know, someday you will be potty trained. And all those times you ran away from me, at top speed, giggling like a maniac, when I'd say, "CANON THAT'S NOT FUNNY!" And you'd say, "Oh, yes, it is!" - you were right. You are going to be the funnest guy in the world! Enjoy your life.

Sagan - you're going on the adventure with me, but, if, by some twisted chance, I were to die and leave you a motherless daughter,by Jango, I am going to have a few choice words for God, so help me. I ALWAYS wanted you, baby girl, and when you finally got here, I can't even put my love for you into words. It's like every pain and sadness I felt as a girl growing up, I could fix by being a perfect mom to you. My daughter, my circle. I've only known you for 9 months, but you are a sweet, considerate, mischievous little angel. You started sleeping all through the night at like 3 months old - Canon's three YEARS old and I only have a 50-50 chance with him. You have this cute little scrunchy nose smile when your ripping out my hair with one claw, and my eye with the other. And your big open mouth slobbery kisses. I love you so very much. If I die and you live, please, find a guy who makes you laugh and you really have to use your brain to keep up with. Learn how to argue without crying. Know that an apology can really clean out someone's ears and soften their heart. Boys are all dorks, don't waste your time worrying if some boy likes you, just have fun. Date to discern the kind of person you want to marry - choose wisely, then treat them kindly. Men are simple creatures, just treat your husband right and you'll never have to worry. You can do anything, baby girl, don't worry.

GREGORY ALLEN ROTH! So help me, you better take care of these kids. Don't ask them what they want to eat, give them a couple choices. If at all possible, never give them a hard NO, tell them when it might be yes. Don't make Sagan have bangs - bangs kind of suck. EAT YOUR FRUITS AND VEGGIES - give them at least one fruit or veggie with every meal. Sing to them - sing them the name songs I made up for them (Cri can teach you). Hug them, like all the time, especially when they're acting all prickly and unhuggable. Big hugs. Read to them, play pretend games, get on the floor and play. PAY ATTENTION.

And Greg ... aghh ... sorry I died. I really do love you madly, fiercely, crazy. You ... Greg ... you made my life. You saw me and pursued me relentlessly and have given me this beautiful spectacularly gorgeous life - I expected misery and drudgery and you gave me buttercups and rainbows. I'm pretty sure I'm gonna haunt you for a while - sorry. If you get remarried, she better be really really nice, cuz so help me, I will do that whole ghost claws thing if she ever makes my babies cry. Also, you deserve a nice girl. You got me, but you are a sweetie (I'm sure your jerky, arrogant, butthole act is just in response to mine) - someone really perfectly nice.

Best of luck with the sex talks - be factual, not evasive. Don't assume they know, please, just talk to them.

Teach them how to work, hard physical work, the kind you avoid.

Might I recommend purchasing a condo for my mom with a chunk of the insurance money.

What else?

Did I tell you all, I love you?

Oh, and could you do a little favor and let my blog know?