I Don't Want To Sell You Anything

Like so many of you, I am a sucker for a face-to-face salesperson. You knock on my door, I will be hard pressed not to write you a check I for overpriced crap I can't afford/don't need/don't really want.

I don't know if Multi-Level-Marketing programs are a Utah thing, probably not, but the ward lists must come in handy. First, they invite you to a little party: yummy food, banal chit chat; it gets you out of the house for a night - everyone's a winner. But then, they ask you to host a party; you'd do anything for a friend (I sold nothing, of course, because I suck). Next, they want you to become an independent consultant, "You could do what I do, it's fun and easy! Plus you get the discounts (nudge-nudge, wink-wink)."

I know me and independent consultant is not me. But THEY don't know that.

My Independent Mary Kay Beauty Consultant kept calling me. I ignored her. She'd leave a message. I didn't call back - if I want make-up, I've got her website. Then, I Like To Read ... with her pet peeve ... you know, I blame you for all of this, for not responding to my comment fast enough, for drudging up guilt about my undiagnosed phonophbia. I should always wait 24 hours before making decisions. ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS. But I never learn. I returned the call. (then you tell me ... so but what about friends who are trying to sell you something?)

Today I found myself at a "luncheon." I went thinking it would be low key, a few interested persons there to see what Mary Kay is all about. I think I'm helping a "friend" to meet the schmuck-quota which goes along with the MLM aspect of these opportunities. I like food, what the hay (trying to swear less for Grandma Roth).

No, it is not a low-key, dispersed attention information thingy. It's 7 well dressed women with great hair working under one queen bee and her husband, all there to get me to join their Secret club.

So I can achieve my goals and build self-esteem.

Because self esteem is built on looking good, feeling good, and doing good.

And self esteem is the most important thing a mother can give her children.

And you can't give it if you don't have it to give.

(hit 'em where they're weak, baby - they teach you that in training?).

But I'm not quite as weak there as I used to be. Not quite so concerned with what I have or don't; how I look compared to every other girl. I don't need to impress the rich lady with the big diamond ring, the pink car, who just finished building her big house on the hill. I don't need her approval. She can look at me, the dirty cuffs of my white shirt, my bum still storing reserves in case famine should strike. She knows she's better than me. But I disagree. She makes like she can help me ... but what she wants is me to leverage my relationship with all my friends, family, neighbors, acquaintances, and strangers to get them to buy the product, sell the product, too, so she can accumulate more stuff. When you have a big house on the hill, you need a lot of stuff with which to fill it.

I have this thing about big fancy houses - not saying that she and her husband didn't work hard and earn their home, but why? Why a huge house, when you don't have a huge family to fill it? At 50, a big house on a hill is your priority?

One lady asked her if she had any grandchildren. She does, 3, but they can't call her grandma. She's Nana and her husband is Papa. Grandma feels too old. Hmm. Is that how I want to be, when my children have children, do I want to be ashamed of the title that goes along with reproductive success?

I suppose when your business, your life is based upon the concept that a flawless appearance is the fundamental element of success, yeah, you probably do need to be able to look around you and see perfection. If you look, sound, or feel old, tired, or shlumpy, you have clearly failed.

What do I want? I'd like to be able to talk to people better, face to face. They go around the table, each immaculate woman, looks me in the eye and gives me their 2 minute spiel. I think, hmm, maybe selling lipsticks could be the vehicle to overcoming my fear of phones, my inability to articulate myself in person. Maybe this could work for me, help me be more confident.

But listening to their goals, I realized my philosophies on life just don't jive with selling make-up. I have no desire to drive a pink car, even if it is free. I don't really need or want free/discount products that perpetuate the myth that I am not good enough the way I am, that buying something will make me better (though I do adore the $13 lip gloss - free when you sell out your friends - sorry friends).

And wouldn't I love to be one of those pretty, put together, confident woman ... you have no idea ... but really, deep deep down ... I just can't imagine myself putting so much effort into appearances and trying to convince other women that happiness can be found in mineral foundation power.

I was honest. Frank. I'm not interested or motivated by the money, the car, or the soft silky hands. I am looking to overcome my shyness, my insecurity. I want to improve my public speaking.

I held my own; I didn't give them my money; I didn't sign papers. (so, no free Satin Hands)

She told me, "Important decisions should be made within the first 24-48 hours." At least I think that's what she said. She said a lot of things that I disagreed with, but it was not discussion time, she was the queen, these women were her's. Would I be her's, too?

"I'm on the fence," I tell her, "I need to discuss with my husband."

I had to leave. No, I HAD to leave. Thank God, I had to leave.

They invited me to attend some training thing tomorrow morning. As I left, a young mother, expecting her 4th, let me know they would all be wearing black skirts and white shirts to tomorrow's training session, indicating that I should do likewise. "Hope to see you there, tomorrow, Brandy."

After everything was said and done, I think maybe I don't need a vehicle, pink or otherwise. I think I can talk to people, just fine. People are just people. Not better. All perfect.

So, unless I write a book for you, I will not venture into sales again. I mean it. And door-to-door salesmen ... I'm getting a No Soliciting sign tomorrow.

*picture borrowed from www.sundancedesigns.net