My Wacky Canon

Canon is a natural born teaser. At 2, he seems to instinctively know how to get everyone's goat, but make you smile a second before you kill him. He has found a new way to terrorize the adults in his life.

Bathrooms. I love the bathroom. The bathroom has a lock and therefore can be a kind of impenetrable sanctuary away from the monkeys and the poop flinging. I keep my beautificating implements there, my nice smelly things, my lotions and potions. However, Canon has turned my sanity saving device into an implement of torture - he has not only figured out how to use the push and twist locking mechanism, BUT WORSE, right next to the door of both upstairs bathrooms, there is a drawer that slides out. If one slides this drawer out while the door is shut, it works as a barricade, so even if mommy uses her special lock picking device (aka crochet hook) to unlock the door, she still can not procure sweet Canon out to SPANK HIS NAUGHTY BUM!!! There is no way, short of breaking down the door or drawer to get that sucker out by force.

SO. Friday, I hear the water running and I run upstairs. Sure enough, Canon has locked himself in MY BATHROOM (why my bathroom kiddo? Your's I have taken all the truly dangerous things out of ... I am an ugly girl and I really need those products to make myself acceptable to polite society. Why Canon? Why?!). I pick the lock and push the door open fast, only to ram into my opened make-up drawer. I confess, I swore at him a bit, nothing God hasn't said. I yelled and demanded and pleaded and threatened and cursed a little more.

Canon said, "Hi, mommy. Door's locked."

Why I oughtta ... you little .... so help me!!!!

It's not working. He knows he is completely safe as long as I am one one side of the door and he is on the other.

My brain clicks on and I suddenly realize I have to use another technique if I ever want to use my Mary Kay compact again. "Canon, do you want some caaaanndddee?"

"Cannee?"

"Open the door sweetie." Notice how I never actually said I'd give him candy ... so not technically lying to my kid. MANIPULATING.

He shuts the drawer and pokes his head out, at which point I grab him and cackle and bake him into a cake.

Now, today, he has realized he can terrorize my mother, who won't spank him and makes a lot more fuss for a lot longer than mommy. His new favorite 3 activities:

1. Lock my mom in the office. Greg put the doorknob on backwards a year and a half ago and we haven't bothered to fix it. So, as my mom hides away in the office playing various on-line video games, Canon will sneak in, turn the light off (there are no windows in the room) and lock the door. My mom hasn't figured out how to use the tiny screwdriver to unlock the doors ... so she yells and bangs until I get bored of it and rescue her.

2. Lock himself in my moms un-Canon-proof room. He rips apart her VHS videos, he dumps out the contents of her purse, eats her cough drops, flings her disks around, adorns himself with her jewelry. Naked. My mom will be in the office, just next door (usually not locked in). and oblivious to the sound of her bedroom door shutting and Canon reeking havoc. And she can't get him to open the door and can't pick the lock.

3. Lock himself in her bathroom. He enjoys putting things in the toilet and rubbing things on his head and face. Things like Vicks and Vaseline. He likes finding products that make bubbles.

Anyway ... so before you call 911 when your naughty toddler locks himself in the bathroom ... cannddeee.