My Brain

I didn't have much, but I learned to read pretty early and that made all the difference. It got me a "smart" label,which I totally bought into. It might have been nice to have been a pretty girl, but smart was good enough.

In 2nd grade, Mrs. Craner was teaching the class about the 10's column. It wasn't hard; I was 4-5 pages ahead of where she was teaching in the Math Workbook, just working on my own. I figured I could get way ahead, then play with my clay ball while everyone else was catching up. Suddenly, my workbook was ripped out of hand. Teacher was looming; she seemed mad that I was working ahead. She took my workbook and left the room. I felt like crying; I never got in trouble. A while later she gave me back my workbook. I smiled because she'd graded the pages I'd done and given me 100% and smiley faces. She never said anything about it and I always just worked ahead on my own during math.

5th Grade was great. I had Mr. McBride and he was very nice. Also, my new best friend, Tammy, we did strange things, off on our own. Penmanship was my worst subject, but he said as long as he could read it, it was good enough. Early in the year, a few kids were given IQ tests for a gifted and talented program. I took the test and a while later, they called my parents to say I was in. I was SO happy and I didn't even know why. Mr. Waite was the PACE teacher- he made us do logic puzzles, brain teasers, research papers, then we got to pick our own subject of research. I choose ESP and made ESP cards to test all my fellow PACErs.

The next year I requested Mrs. Woodland so I could be in the same class as my bestest friends. BUT, alas and alack, I hated Mrs. Woodland. It was the first time I wasn't a teacher's pet. No, Mrs. Woodland loved the beautiful and brilliant Kaisa Hansen, who had perfect hand writing and long blond hair. I missed a lot of school that year. Once, when I couldn't find my computer sheet, evil Mrs. Woodland said, "I thought you were supposed to be a PACE student!" She wore too much lipstick. I did not like her at all. Tammy and I made a list of everyone in class and what their future jobs would be. I was going to be a world famous veterinarian. I feel bad now, but we said Stephen Fulkes was going to be a Sumo Wrestler. Mrs. Woodland let us "share it with the class." Poor kids, I don't think we were nice to everyone.

Once that year, some guy accidentally hit me in the head with a basketball and the guy I had a crush on, McKay, grabbed him and told me to kick the offender "where it counts." I declined, pious girl that I was: "two wrongs don't make a right."

Holy crap was I boy crazy though. It must have been a symptom of daddy issues, but there was never a time when I wasn't in love with whatever boy looked at me. I had (have) a weakness for smart and funny. And Heaven forbid a boy TALK to me. It was, "I'm gonna be Mrs. [Whomever]," for weeks. I was so shy and awkward ... I'm still awkward. The first boy I ever "went" with, two timed me with Vicki Fronk. I think he's gay now, too.

A couple of weeks before I started Jr. High, my beloved grandmother died ... it was foreshadowing for most of Jr. High. It was a pretty awful few years. There were good things, I liked band, played flute, got into the audition band, Symphonic Winds. I just had so little self confidence, everything gave me extreme anxiety. Nowadays, I would have been medicated. The only thing I felt I had going for me was my brain.

Once on an English final, Buffy's class, she was grading on the curve and I got a 96%, which she proudly announced - the next highest grade was an 82% ... I apologized for getting a good grade. I was so intimidated. Good Gravy what I wouldn't give to go back and let myself do it again, but this time not caring what anyone thought of me, knowing I would not die a virgin, knowing eventually boys would kiss me (a few lucky ones, anyway), knowing how all the drama would pass and I would totally survive, being free to think and learn and not worry about boys. Perhaps I'll try to find my daughter a nice all-girls school. Do guys have the same issues about girls? Maybe all schools should be gender segregated. Like real life.

Okay, I have a shower to take, an Indiana Jones satchel to make, and I want to buy some tights so I don't have to shave my legs. Ever.