Thou shalt not steal.
Thou shalt not bear false witness.
Have you been honest in all your dealings?
Thou shalt not bear false witness.
Have you been honest in all your dealings?
I am a recovering, never diagnosed Kleptomaniac and Pathological Liar. It's true. I've never spoken about it to anyone, and I am lucky I'm not in jail. Perhaps I have a genetic predisposition to do bad, but all things can be overcome, I think I have recovered from the lying and stealing. But not from the guilt.
Guilt is sticky stuff.
I used to steal a lot. I stole from my best friends, my favoritest cousin, my kind hearted aunts, the places I worked, my parents, my roommates, Wal-Mart. Put me on Oprah, but I did.
I am a bad person. Please, no more nice comments. Ever.
No, but I got better, somehow. Maybe it's because now I can afford the silly, little things I want. I'm very hyper-conscious of my proclivity and I consciously make the effort not to steal things. Strange how something like that can be a challenge. You just don't take things that aren't yours. Honestly, the last time was about 5 years ago. Yeah, just 5 years.
Oh, the life I've lived.
(I'm hesitating on whether or not to be specific)
As a kid, I stole a lot of candy, on a regular basis from the gas station by my house.
Kate, I stole that very cute green plaid skirt. It barely fit me and I loved it. I am very sorry. I gave it to the DI about 10 years ago. Can I pay you back?I stole one Aunt's silver hoop earrings.
The first time I stole something "big" - I was trying on clothes at Wal-mart and the hanger of one (turquoise push up, size 36 A) bra had slipped out on my hand and was caught on a shirt. The dressing room attendant gave me a door hanger for 4 instead of 5 items. I put the new bra on over my old one and totally got away with it. $12.86.
I had a roommate from Ukraine, I stole her belt. I still have it. I deserve to burn in hell.
Hey, Cornellian roommates, except for Camel Reds, I don't remember stealing anything from you. Perhaps our communist lifestyle helped. I was, however, an accomplice to stealing Ghez's "baby."
A coworker at McDonald's showed me how, when someone paid by check, you could cancel the order after it was made and pocket the cash equal to the check amount.
My dad would hide candy and treats to keep my brother and I from gobbling it all down. I would find his hiding spots and steal some when ever I wanted. Perhaps that was the initiator to my Kleptomania ... the positive reinforcement of stealing hidden candy. When I got older, it was stashed money I'd look for.
Something go missing? It was probably me, please forgive me. I am so so so sorry.
Good heavens, why write this?
And the lying. Even about things I wouldn't get in trouble for, a lie would fly out immediately from my fork tongued mouth. In 8th grade reading, we had these big research papers due. I was supposed to write on Michelangelo. I turned in the rough draft, but just never bothered turning in a final copy. A few days later, the teacher said she had the grades and would give back our papers the following day. Some of us nerdy, grade-aware types asked what we got; I asked her. She, of course, didn't have a grade for me (but I wasn't the kind of student to NOT turn in a paper?!). She asked me who I'd written on, I told her Michelangelo, she said, "Oh, yeah, you got an A-," and wrote it in her grade book.
In high school band, I didn't have money for a band trip. The money was due, the teacher said he tried to call my parents, but he couldn't get through, it sounded like a computer was hooked to the Internet or something. At my house, we didn't have a phone. Our phone was disconnected when I was like 14 and my parents never took care of it. I didn't tell him that; also, I didn't go to Disneyland.
*****
Now, every little thing I do, every little omission I make, I feel compelled to confess to my husband. (Until now) I don't think he knew about the klepto stuff. He'll be ashamed. I would be, I am, but I've always known about it. I can't really imagine actively stealing things now, if that makes you feel better. My children have made me become a better, stronger, less morally-flexible person. I think I'm an honest person. Now.
Anyone else had this issue? I always feel so alone, so weird, and isolated. I know there is no such thing as "original" sin, in the sense that whatever terrible things you've done, it's been done before. And I can't use my past to justify my bad choices; I was a smart girl and I knew it was wrong. I hated that I couldn't have things, hated the way my life was and let myself develop very bad habits.
*****
I am sorry. Sorry for the stupid things I've done. I am trying to be better. Trying to make up for my sins.
Ug. I deserve every bad thing that ever happens to me and I do not deserve the beautiful amazing life I have now. Maybe, just maybe, the reason I have my mom here is to remind me of who I was, where I came from. I can't pretend everyday that I am a normal person. I have tendencies that I have to keep in check every day. But I do it.
You know that oft debated issue of Faith and works - one interpretation says you are saved by grace, you believe in Jesus and *cha-ching* free ticket to Heaven. The other side says, Faith without works is dead, meaning you actually have to DO good stuff AND have faith in the Savior. I'm of the latter view - but surprisingly, as my faith in Jesus Christ grows, so does my desire and ability to do good, to be good. And I have a lot of bad to make up for...
No, I lied. Curse me. The last time I stole something, was last year. I was buying a bookcase from Shopko and the person loaded two into my van by mistake, I was wrangling my kids and didn't notice until I got home, but I kept it and, though I meant to pay for it, I still haven't. But I should. Today's a good day to become worthy of my temple recommend.
I want to be a good person ...
6 Brilliant Bits of Inspiration:
If you are referring to that doll the Ghez brutally defaced and left hanging from a noose with all those creepy pictures, that poor thing needed to be put out of it's misery! What was wrong with that girl!?!?
I did lose my VHS copy of Pulp Fiction back in the Cornell days, Hmmmm!
When I was 15, I was involved in a "throbbing spree" as we called it. It was me and my best friend and 3 guys that we thought were soooo cool. We drove around to some little shops in WI, ran in, took as much as we could, ran out and jumped in the car where the driver was waiting. The most I got was a cheap sterling necklace and some earring, but someone did make out with a pretty expensive pair of moccasins. So there, you aren't the only bad person. I'll go down with you!
After readin my confession, I feel the need to add that there was no violence involved in our stealing. Just stupid kids thinking we were smooth. One store owner chased us out with a broom! I think it makes you feel worse seeing it in writing!
Wow, you weren't kidding about getting into the details.
And guilt is sticky stuff. I shoplifted toys and comic books regularly until I was about 12 (grew up near two shopping malls), when a store clerk saw me stealing and tried to catch me. I escaped and never stole (from a store) again.
The store's long out of business and the building's several times renovated. But each time I pass it, I feel a twinge of guilt after 20 years.
I cannot say that I ever had the Klepto gene, but I can say that if you are worried about your eternal soul because of stealing and lying, I think you will probably make it into heaven. It is time to let the guilt go. And perhaps to make you feel a bit better, I am not sure about the bookshelf, but if someone from where I used to work accidentally got something they did not pay for, and they called, we told them it was our mistake, and to go ahead and keep it. If that makes your guilt less :) Also, just to let you know, feelings of guilt are what cause heart attacks and strokes. If it is in the past, let it go. Remember the act, and not to do it again, but give up the guilt. It is time.
Sometimes good people do things things that aren't so good and sometimes bad people do good things. It doesn't change what lies at the core of that person unless the individual allows it to. You have the ability to use your experiences as an excuse to wallow in the mess or as a reason to move forward into the person you want to become.
We all have some deep dark secrets that reveal a side of our nature we don't want to have to deal with. It's brave of you to put yours out there for the world to see. Not many people have the courage, or ultimately the honesty, to do that.
I agree with Julie about the baby doll- that was a sick and twisted art project (and not even well executed) and that baby doll was better off living behind the vending machine. Still, I sometimes feel guilty about being mean to Ghez and also to Paula. They didn't deserve that.
I stole a lot of things when I was a teen and was caught at 14 stealing Kool Aid! How stupid is that? The police called my dad and everything; that was a terrible day.
I really agree w/ Janet's sentiments on this topic, Brandy. No one is totally one way or the other 'good' or 'bad' but as far as people go, you try pretty darn hard and do a darn good job, from what I can tell.
Does this mean you stole Camel Reds? Ha ha. Communist Girls!
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