I like to read this blog, but it's one of those drive you crazy kind of loves. The writer seems like a sweet, good natured, amazingly generous, kind person. I just think that her energy is misdirected.
Hey, guess what. If you have sex, you might get pregnant.
Guess what else. If you don't have a stable, committed marriage set up before you get pregnant, life is gonna be hard, one way or another or another. Either you become a single mom who struggles to balance work, baby, life OR you suck your baby down a sink and deal with guilt, remorse, and regret forevermore, OR you give your baby up for adoption where he or she will have more likelihood for a happy stable life, BUT you are sad and lonely.
The better choice is to not have sex before marriage. That's what I'd recommend.
And, sure, even stable marriages fall apart sometimes, nothings100%, but you have a better shot of not having to go it alone if you start out together.
So I take issue with Crystal. Her Nanny's (and I won't even go on about that) daughter got knocked up and was then ditched at the alter, had a sick baby and no family close by to help. So she asks the internet to help. I would like to send some money, in fact, I think I will. Then, since I'm invested in the situation, I have a right to spout an opinion.
Women: please, use your sexuality wisely. Men, use your penis responsibly. Abstain (or at least, protected and sparingly) before marriage. Do everything you can to find a good spouse, let the crappy ones go, they won't change. Find a hard working, honest, good person who will be a good parent, date for a year or two, and treat them well after you get married. If that fails and you get knocked up, don't selfishly deprive your kid of a stable 2 parent home. You messed up, don't make them suffer. A kid needs a mom and a dad who WANT to be a mom and a dad. If all that fails, go back and live with your family. Just ... ug... keep your knees close together for the next 18 years. Most of this torment and pain could be avoided with Right Living. All the religions of the world teach the same basic Truths ...
Can you help without condoning?
4 Brilliant Bits of Inspiration:
"Men, use your penis responsibly."
I am totally putting that on a t-shirt. ;)
While I absolutely support your right to voice your opinion, you have some things wrong:
First of all, my Nanny is dead. She died in August. Please keep any opinion of her to yourself out of respect. This is my babysitter's daughter, she is no relation of mine.
Secondly, Jen dated her fiance for six years and was responsible. Birth control doesn't always work, regardless of the whole 'sex before marriage' debate. They were planning a wedding long before she found out she was pregnant. Furthermore, she has put her feelings aside and included the father in every decision, every aspect of Claire's medical care, even though it hurts her to be around him. She is a glorious Christian woman who's in a terrible situation and I would be remiss to have access to so many people and not ask for support for the ones who have no voice. Support in the form of prayer, or whatever. I never asked for only money. You make it sound as if I'm asking people to condone irresponsibility. I'm not. I'm asking people to put themselves in her shoes for a moment. We cannot imagine what she must be going through and she has asked for help from NO ONE. I'm asking, not her. There is a difference.
thanks.
Thank you so SO much for responding and clarifying. I honestly mean no disrespect to you, Jen, or anyone else, and I apologize if I mispoke or misrepresented the situation (I included a link for people to be able to read it themselves and come to their own conclusions).
We all have challenges and things never work out quite the way we plan. No one deserves to have a sick baby, my heart breaks for all involved. I would like to donate to Jen, send me a paypal account and I'll take care of it today. This must be the hardest, most terrible, and difficult thing she's had to go through. She and her child have my prayers and best hopes for the future. And I admire and respect you for seeking to help people in need and giving me and others the opportunity also. You are truly a noble Christian in all senses of the word. I strive to be like you.
My point is, people need to be aware that though we are free to choose our actions, we are not free to choose the consequences of those actions. What kind of a man leaves his pregnant fiance at the alter? Seriously... is that the kind of man you want your child to call "father"? And it took 6 years before he decided he would marry her? I'm all for long courtships, but once you know them, once you've determined they are not crazy or defective, once you've decided they would make a great co-parent for your children (and I would say that takes 1-2 years), make it Official.
I don't know these people or the details of their relationship, I just know that things clearly didn't go as hoped. But we are subject to consequences when we fail to do the right thing.
We all ALL make mistakes, we've all been in situations where we trusted people who weren't trustworthy and it serves to make us more cautious. But we can also learn from each other, rather than finding out the hard way. If I could convince one young, unmarried woman to not make a baby until she has a good husband, if I could spare one child from the instability and pain that these situations bring about, good God, I would.
ALL one has to do is not have sex before marriage (100% effective) OR take all the precautions necessary to not get pregnant (IUD's plus condoms, we're getting dang close to 100%). I can't change anything about this situation, but maybe people can learn something valuable from it, and avoid the pain your friend is going through. I wish them the very best and pray for their strength through this beyond imaginably difficult time.
Again, thank you for your kind heart and please forgive me if I offended you in anyway. In my attempt to fix a problem before it happens, I forgot how painful it must be to have your problems criticized so casually. I am sorry.
Keep doing good, the world is much kinder with people like you and could do very well with less people like me.
No offense taken :) I just figured I would defend her a bit since she's a great girl in crappy circumstances. And I agree with you 100% on the whole fiance thing, but, it's her life and I guess if Claire doesn't make it (God forbid), she wanted to make sure she had no regrets.
Thank you for your response...I very much appreciate your comments, honestly.
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