Janet's comment yesterday made me pull out my grandmother's journal and reread it. A treasure.
Grandma was very aware that her words would be read after her death and she was so careful not to say anything specific about the difficult situations in her family's life. Just that she was praying for a specific person or hoped another's life would be ok. Every time she'd write about me, it made me smile and cry! She had 6 kids, 26 grandkids and 37 great grand kids (as of 1986) - so the fact that she singled me out, that I got to spend so much time with her was an amazing blessing. A few times she's write things like, "God, why are you keeping me here, how much longer?" and I am just so thankful she hung on - she was always in so much pain and it was so hard for her to get around and do the things she wanted to do. She would go to the temple and do multiple sessions (each session is about two hours of mostly sitting - so it was very painful for her, I imagine) - I'm lucky if I get to the temple a few times a year, one session, and I live 20 minutes from like 3-4 temples. One line I loved - my dad was doing something with the Air Force and my mom and I stayed with grandma, then dad got back and mom and I went back to Utah with him. Grandma wrote: "Oh damn I miss that baby, I shouldn't have taken over with her so much, she seemed like she was mine." On the next page, she refers to me as "my Brandy."
I wish she would have written more about grandpa Anderson; he died when my dad was about 17. Grandma wrote that she missed him and wished he could have lived to see all the beautiful grandchildren. She was always so touched by every call and card and visit - before my family came to live with her, she sounded so lonely - hey everybody, give your grandma a call today, if you're lucky enough to be able to!
Makes the socialist in me stand out - grandma was always talking about a surgery she needed but couldn't afford and going to doctors without much luck of diagnosis, taking lots of medication that didn't help much. Shouldn't everyone's gramma be able to have whatever medical help they need? Old age shouldn't be all about pain? Should it? Or am I trying to take away people's necessary trials and other's opportunities to provide compassionate service?
Well, thank you Janet, for inspiring me to take some time and remember my grandmother. I wish she were still around to talk to, I wish I could ask her specific questions and get her opinion on everything. I believe she is still around, beyond my sight, keeping me and my little family safe. The way I drive, I guess it's good I have so many folks on the other side watching out for me!
And if any of you can get a hold of that picture of grandma in the red dress, please email me a copy, I'd love to have it!
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