Why I Hate Doctors and How Parents Can Replace Them

My kids are extraordinarily healthy. I mean, they are oxes! They must get it from daddy; when I was a kid I missed like 20 days of school per year. Sure, it was largely due to a pushover mom and psychosomatic symptomology, BUT here we are at the end of the first school year and Cri has not missed one day due to illness - knock on wood (he did catch a terrible cold over Christmas vacation, but who didn't?!).

So today, when Canon whined to be held and I noticed he had a fever, I was concerned. I held him all day long as he whimpered and slept. I'm not a big one for using drugs on my kids, fevers are part of the body's natural way to overcome illness. But when he got up to 103.5, I gave him the fever reducer. When he refused to sip anything for several hours, I started to get a little panicky. His breathing was like panting ... I decided I better take him to the clinic.

(The same clinic where my kids BOTH got skin infections last time they were inoculated - maybe I should find a nice pediatrician NOT at the IHC clinic.)

My two year old usually wears me out and never sits still. Today he refused to walk at all. After we checked in, they handed us one of those discs that light up and vibrate when it's your turn, like at a restaurant. How stupid is that? The nurse has to call your name anyway ... how far are you going to walk in the waiting room with a sick child. What a waste of hospital money! Gaaawwww!

So it was our turn, nurse gets his vitals, fever of 102, no diarrhea, no vomiting, just lethargy and fever and raspy fast breathing. Doctor comes in, looks in his ears, down his throat, listens to his heart and tells me it's probably just a viral infection. Give him motrin and keep him drinking fluids, if he becomes non-responsive, take his to the ER. Give me my money and be off with you, stupid crazy, nervous, over-anxious mother.

Which is what my "What to expect the Toddler Years" book said, too, and it only cost me $16.95. Dammit. See, that's what I thought, but you just never KNOW!!! All I need is a stethoscope and one of those look in your ears things and some simple instructions as to what a bacterial infection is going to look like and I can stop going to the stupid clinic. Cause the doctors only tell me what it's NOT and send me away with drug suggestions.

A few weeks ago, my poor Greggie has such a tummy ache he went to the clinic. The gave him nasty things to drink, X-rays, and a useless prescription sample to try. He had to wait 3 weeks to see a specialist, by which time he wasn't having pain, but went anyway, just in case. It was probably just a viral infection, have some Prilosec just for fun.

Stupid useless medical profession. They ACT like they know things, they just take my money and guess; they don't care. Harumph. I could steal millions from the medical industry by offering a sick kid kit with a stethoscope, an ear looking thing, and a simple explanation of what to look for ... if it's bad, go to the doctor for the antibiotics, otherwise, tough it out. Of course, with some legally binding disclaimer that my kit doesn't replace the "knowledge" and "skill" of a trained physician. But really, moms and dads, do the doctors help us much? Or is it the same with you - 9 times out of 10, "fluids, rest, go buy pain killers, gimme money." I suppose if you have one of those frequent ear infection kids, doctors are useful ... but even still, wouldn't you LOVE to be able to make the initial diagnosis yourself, get the professional's confirmation and just not be a helpless mess?! I would.

Also, I suspect a lot of the increasing numbers of ear, nose, and throat ailments are due to too many bath nights and not enough outside in the dirt. Just my observation. Bathe 'em once or twice a week. Wash 'em up every night and before meals, but only soak them once in a while - asthma, ear infections, strep throat ... I think it's the bathtub!

By the way, when we got home, I gave him the proper dose of fever reducing medicine and by 8 he was up and running around, fighting with his brother, stealing french fries, drinking apple juice, and talking silly. Greg put the boys to bed for me (he really is a great husband and I am insane and lucky to have him, lucky he puts up with me), and even though Canon slept all day, he was asleep by 9. It is now 9:51 ... I suspect there will be muchness of waking this night, so perhaps I will try to take a little nap before the fun starts. AND I MUST BE NICE EVEN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT!