I am still learning. I am learning that you may want to confront someone about a hurt they inadvertently caused you, but you can also work through it on your own and go merrily on. I am learning that a lot of times, when you think you will need someone, they will be unavailable, and you allow frustration to overcome you and call it all off, or you can take a deep breath and do it yourself, the best you can.
I am giving birth in 3 freaking days, thus, my house must be perfectly organized and cleaned, everything must be done just how I want it and I must be done now and kept that way. HA Hahahhahahaha. I know. I KNOW! I have 8 pages of "Must Be Done" lists with a variety of expectations. I got one room DONE yesterday, the front room, the room guests will hang out and chat in. There are 6 other "areas of concentration" I must finish. There are large pieces of furniture that must be moved and arranged.
Greg threw out his damn back last night while basically just holding Crichton on his lap.
What's more, he had VOLUNTEERED to help out at the local thrift store charity center tonight and was concerned he wouldn't be able to go help.
Call me freaking crazy, but does he not realize that I am absolutely undeniably insane with bizarre thoughts and impossible expectations that I KNOW are impossible, but I must undertake them anyway?! Has he ever been 9 months pregnant and tried to move bunk beds with the help of a 6 yr old and a 2 yr old?! Isn't this the perfect time for him to call the home teachers over for some help?!
I had a nice and funny post in my mind, but that has been shot down. Now I am just in a state of frantic panic, I have a million too many things to do and will be doing it all on my own.
The final nail in the coffin: Playhouse Disney used to play wonderful shows like Little Einsteins and Tigger and Poo until 1pm, now it gets over at 11 am and Disney Channel runs these ridiculously stupid 'Tween geared shows that do nothing for keeping my toddler's attention.
Abandon Ship. All is lost.
2 Brilliant Bits of Inspiration:
OK, first things first---how about PBS? My PBS broadcasts children's shows all day, but I know that not all of them do that. Some of them show things like that weird guy who smears some paint on a canvas and it looks like a forest. If yours doesn't do the kids shows, how about DVDs of those shows? (Netflix?) Also, do you have a Tivo or DVR? I love my DVR.
I really empathize with you. I really do. When you're about to give birth (Or at least when I was), you don't want to have the systems organized--you NEED them organized. And you really do, since you are going to be recovering from surgery with a newborn, a toddler, and a kindergartener who still has school to go to every day. It's not just tough, it's truly truly exhausting to have a newborn. Plus, you want the systems in order so someone else can (try) to follow them.
I don't know who those home teachers are, but if your husband's back doesn't get better and they would help, by all means call them in. Or could your mom take the kids while you finish what you can and rest as much as possible? I am like you. I hate--i absolutely hate--to ask for help. I would rather muddle through even as I would gladly help someone in the same situation. But from one mom to another--try to ask, maybe?
When I had my little one, I had no idea how much of a reality slap going home with a newborn was going to be--mind you she is my one and only so far, so I had the new mother thing too. I wanted things to be organized, but my sister had a big jealous fit right before and I spent the last few days getting little sleep, so I was tired and the house was chaotic for what seemed like weeks. Or it could have been the slap of intense sleep deprivation. I don't know if it gets any better with kids 2 and 3. I'm guessing maybe. It seemed much harder to try to move from chaos to order than to have the order and then have the chaos creep in. Does that make sense?
I do know that the house needs to have some order. But please don't hurt and/or exhaust yourself trying to get there.
I would also like to say that people who come to visit should expect a little disorder (but, again, I understand the desire to avoid that--I feel an almost visceral embarrassment if people come to my house and it isn't in order). However, they should also be coming there to either visit briefly and/or help and not expect to be entertained.
So by all means, call in whoever you feel comfortable enough to help you, but above all take care of yourself and your baby.
Try to hang in there and rest up.
Thank you Catherine - people say the internet makes people more distant and we spend less time talking to each other. Blah! I've never met you and probably our life paths would never cross otehrwise! Thanks yo more than you know. Pregnant-crazy is like a hot air balloon ride and a girl often needs people to pull her back down to earth. Thanks for yanking me back down. Now if I can just get bathrooms and bedrooms and spare rooms and definitely the kitchen cleaned, then I can start on a couple lasagnas. I've lost my mind .. maybe I'll take a nap with my sweet toddler as my kindergartener is off playing at a savior/neighbor's house.
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