How I Got Fired as a Primary Teacher

In my church, there is a great religious educational program, Primary, for the children ages 4-12. I was going to give you my religious service resume, but suffice it to say, I've been in primary almost constantly since 1999 serving in multiple positions, including ward Primary President. When I started out, I was awkward, but over the years, I figured out a ton about how to teach children and I think I do a darn good job.

A couple of months ago, I was asked if I wanted to be released when I have my baby. I said no, I'd get a sub for a month or so, and should be fine. I was asked if I wanted someone else called to help me teach. Again, I said no, the class is great and I have everything under control.

And that was that.

Or so I thought.

Now, I must be quite careful as not to speak badly of those in leadership positions, but from personal experience as a leader, sometimes leaders don't do things exactly as we'd hope. When you're called to a position, it's not because you're perfectly able to do it. It's an opportunity to grow, usually from making mistakes; it's a chance to learn how to delegate and trust and make lots of heartfelt apologies for your inadequacies. A leadership position should push you to the breaking point and clarify your absolute nothingness without the help and love of God.

With that clarity, I should shut up and end, but this is also my real live journal, not just my happy life family blog, SO ... I shall go on and express my feelings, release them, and move past. You can stop here if you want to be free of the sin of gossip.

Last week at church, in the opening part of announcements at sacrament meeting, they announced my name. Now I just accepted a new calling, one I did WHILE I was previously a Primary President, it meant 2 or 3, hour-long meetings a month, and an errand. Not a big deal. I was EXPECTING they would announce my new calling and everyone would raise their hand to sustain me.

Instead they announced I was being RELEASED as a Primary CTR 7 teacher.

When I accepted the new calling, no one said it would replace my current one. No member of the Primary Presidency came to my house to let me know or pick up my lesson manual; there was no phone call, email, voice mail ... no communication whatsoever. Just BAM WACK - thanks and give your book to the new teacher, babe. Except, without the "thanks."

Hit me on the head with a rotten sushi roll! I love the kids I teach; I really work hard to make sure they know I love, respect, and appreciate them. When I have a "difficult" child, I work even harder on myself and my emotions, and I talk to the child, on their level; I express how important they are to the class and how their behavior (not THEM, but what they do) makes it hard for me and the other children to learn. I lavish all of them with praise and compliments. I want every child to feel great about themselves and the gospel when they go home - that is my goal as a religious instructor.

So, when I was SUDDENLY and without any prior warning removed and replaced with no explanation ... let me tell you, I was holding back tears and anger and biting my tongue for the next 3 hours of church.

When I got TO Primary (held directly after sacrament meeting) the president asked if I was planning on doing the lesson because she hadn't had time to get the new teachers set up (i.e. she didn't come tell me I was being released and picked up my book; she just ASSUMED I'd be there and ready for her to pull the rug out from under me). I said, politely, and with a stiff, forced smile, "No one told me I was being released so I have the lesson ready."
"Great," she says, "[The new teacher] can go to class with you and get to know the kids."

I have nothing against the new teacher; it's not like she usurped me intentionally. I was very nice to her, very nice to my kids, I smiled and sang and taught the lesson, handed over my book, offered to sub, and that was that.

BUT, every time I think about how I "get" to go to Gospel Doctrine and Relief Society (with the grown-ups), even though I've been saying how I wish I could go sometimes, I just want to cry and skip church altogether ... I feel like I wasn't really given a chance to say good-bye to my kids, or to make peace with it in my heart, pray, and come to an understanding. I think it must be what it's like to be driving along, get in an accident, lose consciousness, and wake up with no legs.

Except that if any one of the 3 primary presidency members had made a freaking 5 minute phone call, I would have been aware. Now, I feel used and unappreciated and easily replaced. Not even a "this is Sister Roth's last week in Primary, blah blah blah ..."

There is a quote from President Gordon B. Hinkley, I have to paraphrase: When you in a position of leadership, you need to treat everyone as if they have a "fragile, handle with care" stamp on their forehead. You have to go out of your way to be soft and meek with their feelings, no matter what, because the things you do, as a leader, called by God, can have great impact on an individual's testimony and faith in the Church. You have to keep in mind that you have covenanted to take the name of Christ upon you and really, consciously do your best to act that way.

I took that very much to heart, as a Primary President, and still managed to cause hurt and negative feelings, for which I will always, always regret. I know people do the best they can, don't realize, are busy, etc., etc., etc. I know it is up to me whether or not I choose to be offended and how I will act on my oh-so-very-irrational and temporary emotions. I even know that this an opportunity for the Primary leadership to to make mistakes, learn, and grow, as well as for me to set a good example for my children and be a kinder, more Christ-like person, forgiving trespasses against me and such.

But I am torn between just sucking it up and getting over it OR making the Primary President aware of the impact her decision - and how it was brought to my attention - had on me. And if I do decide to act, do I do it face to face (the most painful way for me), phone, email?

Or just talk about her behind her back and never communicate to her directly ... like she did to me? Terrible, how petty am I!

This week is Stake Conference. By next week, it'll be business as usual again; she'll have forgotten I was ever IN Primary ... I think I just need to take some time today and reflect on the situation, pray, think, feel, perhaps find guidance and inspiration.

Take home message: COMMUNICATE; let people know what you plan on doing when you have the power to impact their lives. Try to keep things in perspective and give people the benefit of the doubt; it's up to you rather or not to be hurt and offended. The Church is not the leaders or the people, church is your personal vehicle to take you closer to God ... drive courteously.