A Guide to Funner Parenting

A child's work is play and, wow, are they good at what they do. They work until they are exhausted, then get up and do it all again. Now, playing all day sounds like it would be fun, but if you are a stay-at-home mom surrounded by crazy toys with flashy lights and mechanical music, masterminded by tiny tyrants who want nothing but to play and play some more, playing may have become one more tedious task on your list of guilt filled "I ought to do's."

So ... are you a stay-at-home mom who wishes her job were funner? Do you contemplate how your life would be more fulfilling if you had a real job? Ever feel like maybe you're just not cut out for stay-at-home mom life? Can I just try to help you a little?

If your job, motherhood, feels un-fulfilling because it may be because you’re holding back and not letting your kids, the bosses, train you properly. If you were making wine, but didn't believe the boss when he tells you that you have to step on the grapes, you wouldn't be able to do your job and you'd feel frustrated. Maybe you'd think about quitting.

You need to accept TODAY that motherhood is (1) a real job, (2) a really important job, and (3) a job that you are perfectly able to do and do well, if you want to. It requires a unique and varied skill set and is not a job for stuffy old grown-ups. So first off, just let go of that facade of maturity that you have worked so hard to perfect. Trust me, you don't really need it.

Now that you are a blank slate, putty in my hands, let me recommend a few ways to reconnect with your inner silly self, which will free you up to be a much funner mum (or dad):

1. Get on the floor. If you spend your child care time sitting up and away on your favorite chair or couch (watching TV or not), you are physically, as well as emotionally and mentally separating yourself from your children. With your body language, you tell them, "Mom is not available to really play with you; entertain yourself." Kids will either entertain themselves (which, in my house, often leads to broken eggs in the kitchen or yogurt paintings on the carpet), or they will make further attempts to get mom to play with, or at least pay attention to them. If you get down and play, they may not have to resort to naughtiness. Blocks, balls, and cars are great, but doing more physical activities, like dancing and yoga are good for your health and lead to better naps.

2. Make your work their play. Kids watch their parents and think all our chores are just fun games we won't let them play: laundry, yard work, cleaning toilets, cooking, vacuuming, dishes, shopping, even paying bills. It may surprise you to hear, but children as young as 2 can be great helpers and they WANT to do your work. I can hear your feeble complaint: My kids just make it harder to get things done. But the problem is you: you want everything done perfectly, your way, and as quickly and efficiently as possible. When you have small kids, perfect is completely wrong. Things are going to take longer to do, but if you include your kids and make it fun, they begin to learn useful skills, develop self confidence, AND you get stuff done ... eventually.

I'll give you a few examples: I hate cleaning the bathrooms. One day, my 5 year old asked if the toilet brush was the potty's toothbrush. "Kind of," I said as I showed him how it worked. That day, it was a Tuesday, we invented a game where he is the toilet dentist and he scrubs the toilets, with brilliant bedside manner, as I clean the mirror, wipe everything down, and empty the garbage. Now, we look forward to Toilet Tuesday and I have clean bathrooms.

My two year old is a tricky little guy, but he's great at following simple "take this and put it there" instructions. He puts trash in the garbage, clothes in the dryer or basket, toys in a box, and dishes in the sink. Sure I have to be there to watch him do it now, but in a year I won't have to, and how nice will it be when the kids clear their own dishes with out me even reminding them? He also likes to help push the vacuum around rip up lettuce leaves for salads.

So, now you can stop whining that you don't get any help. You just have to find a way to, first, make them WANT to help, and, second, find a way for them to help. Be flexible and creative.

3. Messes are fun to make. Kids watch too much TV, and we're all guilty (except Mrs. Perfectpants, who does it too but lies). But TV-as-nanny is a very bad way to do your job. It's like paying a C student to do your homework - they do a crappy job and you still fail the final. You know your kids like to do anything messy, so just control it. Most kitchen surfaces are clean-up-able. Make play-dough; make any kind of gooey dough. Paint with pudding or yogurt. Paint with paint, if they promise not to eat any. Lotion is fun to make messes with and good for the skin, just watch out for the eyes. Put on swimming suits and play messy. But DO NOT just stand back, watching and wiping. Get your hands messy, too. Show them how to mold shapes; use the cookie cutters and rolling pin you only get out twice a year. Make something they can eat. Make something they can give to friends and neighbors that day. Cut up old magazines and make a big gluey papery collage mess. It doesn’t matter what you do, just as long as you are actively involved in the making of the mess, THEN show them how to clean it all up, and don't get grumpy about that part either. You teach them how to have some fun and how to clean up after themselves - a good lesson for all ages.

4. Give each child some one-on-one time and do things they like to do. My two year old loves trains and destruction. We build tracks, watch the train go around. Then dinosaurs, aliens, or baby dolls invade, and we do it all again. My 5 year old likes Star Wars - now, I admit, the Lego Star Wars video game makes me crazy ("DROP OUT MOM, I'll do it!"), and I'm not great at fighting invisible foes ("No, mom, that one is just a weed, General Grievous is over here!" as he beats down some other random weed), but I can duel with a retractable light saber until the sun goes down!

And what could be better than passing on a love for books by reading and rereading their favorite stories. Or reading your favorites and acting them out. For weeks, we played King Arthur and The Knights of the Round Table. Then, when he watched Disney's Sword in the Stone, he said, "The book was better!"

5. Get out and have an adventure. You'll all go crazy if you sit around in the house every day, all day, day after day. So go out. Ride a bike, take a walk, go to the mall, or the grocery store, just for fun. Go to the park, feed the birds, call a friend (or someone you barely know) pack up all your kids and go together. Even just going out in the yard and hanging out in the neighborhood can be enough of a change to be fun. Play ball, get out the sacred golf clubs and a beach ball, catch bugs, be spies or have a parade. Just, remember, take it at the kids speed, you're not trying to do anything, the adventure, the whole journey, not some destination, is the only goal.

6. HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR! Things are never going to go according to plan. Get used to it and stop letting it bug you so much. There will be poop extravaganzas, food and drinks will get spilled (or intentionally flung), things will be fine one minute and everyone will be sobbing the next. Sit back and try to enjoy the ride; stop wishing you were on another - this is the best one there is. No other job can have as much effect and influence on a life than motherhood. Ignore those evil women who say if you don’t work outside the home, you don't really count and you're not really happy. They are jealous liars whose kids (if they bothered to have any) will put them in a sterile, lonely nursing home and forget they are even alive. Take your job seriously enough that you do it well, but not so seriously you can't laugh when big brother gets little brother to eat a worm.

Kids play, kids get hurt, kids get sick, then they get better and play some more. That CAN be your life, too! Don't be scared, don't worry so much. Live. Laugh. Love. Be a mom.