This is not real life. When I goto sleep, that is real and this is the dream.
You are not my mommy. My real mommy died.
Where I used to live, on the moon, I could do anything I wanted.
She would tell me elaborate stories about the lives of her imaginary friends. Sally, her I.F. at the time, was really mean and would tell Sagan she wasn't pretty. But Sally was from South America and her parents got shot. In the head. So, Sally needed a friend.
These statements were very disturbing to hear and I would stifle nervous laughter as she told me then.
But lately, I have been having very vivid dreams. About other people living a normal other life. And when I wake up, I really want to go back to sleep and watch some more. Sometimes I will make notes about the dreams.
Usually the dream starts out as me, but I'm living in a different house that seems familiar, but not to me. Then I find a door or a room or an entire floor that I never knew existed in the house. How could I have never opened that door?? And I start exploring and things get weird.
It's a cold day in Texas today and I spent most of it dreaming. My husband asked what my plans were for the day. I said I'd try to be really productive and read a book. He said he wished he had my life.
No one thinks their life is easy, do we?
I think I'll take some vitamins now and pick the kids up. 14.5 hours of sleep. Maybe I'm just catching up from 10 years of child induced sleep deprivation. I've broken my caffeine addiction. It took a few weeks. I no longer slam 5-hour energy drinks in the morning. I no longer include a caffeine pill in my vitamin regime. No more daily diet cokes. I think, I hope, soon my body will figure out how to function.